Next year will be my freshman year in college and I plan on spending most of my time in New York...but when I'm not in New York I want to travel. I have six best friends I need to visit in four different cities. Those four cities are in three different states. PA, OH, and VA.
Aside from going to visit those best friends I deeply hope that they'll come and visit me too. I have other friends I hope will visit as well. I know a lot of people that have never been to New York City and I hope to show them what it's all about.
I want to travel around a lot. Not only next year, but for the rest of my life. Supposedly the world is a big place, but I've never crossed the Mississippi River. Chicago is supposed to be great. California seems to shallow for me, maybe I'll check out San Francisco though.
All of Europe appeals to me and maybe one day I'll have as much money as Pap and be able to make it to Africa and Asia as well.
That's the dream at least.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
fireside religion
Last night at the campfire Ty and I talked about religion for a long while. Ty and I have different views on religion, but we do agree on certain things.We came to agree that we can't believe in heaven and hell more than we do something like reincarnation. How can I believe in something that nobody has ever seen? Sure some of you smart asses will say, "But you believe in the wind, don't you?" And to that I raise the middle finger.
I think heaven and hell was created as a form of control. If you preach to people that doing bad will send them to the fiery depths of hell then obviously they will second guess doing wrong. If you're promised a wonderful time in heaven, wouldn't you expect people to act better? No matter what heaven and hell is about, it works...to a point. I don't mind if it was a form of control or not, if it persuades more people to do good then it works for me.
What I thought of about life after death is this...
What if, after we die our mind creates an eternity for us based on what we believe? What I'm saying is that when we die, our body stops working and we are no longer alive, but our mind has already created a dreamlike eternity based upon our beliefs. If you believe in a heaven where you'll see your loved ones again, then that's what you get. If you believe in a commonplace life much like this one, then you can live in that. I guess it's a form of "limbo" like they mention in the movie Inception. Maybe it's a never-ending dream of sorts created by your subconscious. I'm not saying you actually dream because, duh your brain is dead. I'm talking about a dream like state created by your mind, a place where your soul or being passes into after death. I like to think that's the way it works. I just cannot bring myself to blindly believe in heaven and hell. Everybody is entitled to believe in what they want, and I encourage you all to do that. What works for me might not work for you and vice versa. To each their own, I guess.
The other thing we agree upon is that the saying, "God always has a plan," isn't true. We just can't believe this is the case after things like the Holocaust, the Aurora shooting, or any other senseless violence. God doesn't plan out each and every person's existence. He doesn't have a specific date you are going to die. Explain to me why God would want an eight year old boy to die of cancer? You can't. God might have created the earth and the existence of everything here on earth, but he hasn't planned it all out. He put us here and we have our resources, from their it is out of his hands. Now, does he intervene? Maybe...I can't tell you that for sure. What I can tell you is that I don't believe God has a plan for everybody. Sure everybody has a chance to do something with their life, but if you try to convince me that God planned on my grandpa majoring in accounting in college I will punch you in the face. If that's the case please explain to me why God planned on Hitler murdering millions of people? Yeah, thought so.
Our talk about religion made me realize that in this life, we really don't know anything for certain.
NP: Both of Us- B.o.B ft. Taylor Swift
I think heaven and hell was created as a form of control. If you preach to people that doing bad will send them to the fiery depths of hell then obviously they will second guess doing wrong. If you're promised a wonderful time in heaven, wouldn't you expect people to act better? No matter what heaven and hell is about, it works...to a point. I don't mind if it was a form of control or not, if it persuades more people to do good then it works for me.
What I thought of about life after death is this...
What if, after we die our mind creates an eternity for us based on what we believe? What I'm saying is that when we die, our body stops working and we are no longer alive, but our mind has already created a dreamlike eternity based upon our beliefs. If you believe in a heaven where you'll see your loved ones again, then that's what you get. If you believe in a commonplace life much like this one, then you can live in that. I guess it's a form of "limbo" like they mention in the movie Inception. Maybe it's a never-ending dream of sorts created by your subconscious. I'm not saying you actually dream because, duh your brain is dead. I'm talking about a dream like state created by your mind, a place where your soul or being passes into after death. I like to think that's the way it works. I just cannot bring myself to blindly believe in heaven and hell. Everybody is entitled to believe in what they want, and I encourage you all to do that. What works for me might not work for you and vice versa. To each their own, I guess.
The other thing we agree upon is that the saying, "God always has a plan," isn't true. We just can't believe this is the case after things like the Holocaust, the Aurora shooting, or any other senseless violence. God doesn't plan out each and every person's existence. He doesn't have a specific date you are going to die. Explain to me why God would want an eight year old boy to die of cancer? You can't. God might have created the earth and the existence of everything here on earth, but he hasn't planned it all out. He put us here and we have our resources, from their it is out of his hands. Now, does he intervene? Maybe...I can't tell you that for sure. What I can tell you is that I don't believe God has a plan for everybody. Sure everybody has a chance to do something with their life, but if you try to convince me that God planned on my grandpa majoring in accounting in college I will punch you in the face. If that's the case please explain to me why God planned on Hitler murdering millions of people? Yeah, thought so.
Our talk about religion made me realize that in this life, we really don't know anything for certain.
NP: Both of Us- B.o.B ft. Taylor Swift
My Weekend
This weekend was a great getaway, a great adventure, and a great realization.
The getaway started with a spur of the moment decision to head to the cabin. Ty, Dad, and I set out on Friday for the cabin. Two hours later we were there and ready to go. I'm not sure what exactly I was getting away from back home, but I felt like I needed to get away. The cabin has always been a place where I could do that. Life at the cabin is so carefree that you forget about things going on at home. It's only two hours away, but that little cabin on the Allegheny River might as well be a thousand miles away. I'm not bothered by anything while I'm up there.
Ty, Chris, and I had a real adventure on Saturday. We woke up and set out to find "Baldy". Baldy is a rock that overlooks the river. The rock has about a two hundred foot drop down through the trees. The three of us searched for three hours before we realized that my Dad's directions had led us astray. We doubled back to the cabin and our neighbor Flo said she would take us up to it. Twenty minutes later I had a complete view of the river and the mountains across the river. It's views like that one that make you step back and realize how beautiful life is. After taking in that special view Flo asked us if we wanted to go inside Baldy's cave. I'm no cave explorer but I figured what the hell? It looked like only Flat Stanley could get through cave's opening but Flo showed us how to wiggle our way inside. The inside of the cave was spectacular. A hallway led deep down below and there was one room on each side of the hallway. Breathtaking is the closet I can come to describing that trip.
The realization came last night around the fire. Chris had left to go back home after dinner so it was my Dad, his step dad, Ty, and myself sitting around the fire. We talked about random things and somehow drugs came up. Listening to my Dad and Pappy talk about drugs was surreal. Pappy has experienced nearly every drug and his stories are just strange. Funny, but strange. I realized after Pappy and Dad left the fire exactly where I've come from. I come from a long line of smokers, drinkers, and addicts. I have roots in that cabin. A cabin where vulgarity, dysfunction, and delinquency are the three main attributes. The vulgarity doesn't define my family though. Neither does the delinquency or the history of addiction. More than anything the cabin and my family represent a long line of hard workers, lovers, and people who like to have a good time. The cabin has been an escape for my family for decades and will continue to be for years to come. My family has molded me into the person I am today.
I am my father's son. I am my grandmother's grandson. I am a product of the cabin. I am not a drinker, smoker, addict, or a delinquent. But I'm still a Forse.
Through my family's examples and their misfortunes I have become the young man I am today.
I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.
NP: The Reason- Hoobastank
The getaway started with a spur of the moment decision to head to the cabin. Ty, Dad, and I set out on Friday for the cabin. Two hours later we were there and ready to go. I'm not sure what exactly I was getting away from back home, but I felt like I needed to get away. The cabin has always been a place where I could do that. Life at the cabin is so carefree that you forget about things going on at home. It's only two hours away, but that little cabin on the Allegheny River might as well be a thousand miles away. I'm not bothered by anything while I'm up there.
Ty, Chris, and I had a real adventure on Saturday. We woke up and set out to find "Baldy". Baldy is a rock that overlooks the river. The rock has about a two hundred foot drop down through the trees. The three of us searched for three hours before we realized that my Dad's directions had led us astray. We doubled back to the cabin and our neighbor Flo said she would take us up to it. Twenty minutes later I had a complete view of the river and the mountains across the river. It's views like that one that make you step back and realize how beautiful life is. After taking in that special view Flo asked us if we wanted to go inside Baldy's cave. I'm no cave explorer but I figured what the hell? It looked like only Flat Stanley could get through cave's opening but Flo showed us how to wiggle our way inside. The inside of the cave was spectacular. A hallway led deep down below and there was one room on each side of the hallway. Breathtaking is the closet I can come to describing that trip.
The realization came last night around the fire. Chris had left to go back home after dinner so it was my Dad, his step dad, Ty, and myself sitting around the fire. We talked about random things and somehow drugs came up. Listening to my Dad and Pappy talk about drugs was surreal. Pappy has experienced nearly every drug and his stories are just strange. Funny, but strange. I realized after Pappy and Dad left the fire exactly where I've come from. I come from a long line of smokers, drinkers, and addicts. I have roots in that cabin. A cabin where vulgarity, dysfunction, and delinquency are the three main attributes. The vulgarity doesn't define my family though. Neither does the delinquency or the history of addiction. More than anything the cabin and my family represent a long line of hard workers, lovers, and people who like to have a good time. The cabin has been an escape for my family for decades and will continue to be for years to come. My family has molded me into the person I am today.
I am my father's son. I am my grandmother's grandson. I am a product of the cabin. I am not a drinker, smoker, addict, or a delinquent. But I'm still a Forse.
Through my family's examples and their misfortunes I have become the young man I am today.
I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.
NP: The Reason- Hoobastank
Thursday, July 26, 2012
trust
We've all asked somebody the question "Can I trust you?" I've done a lot of thinking lately and that question is one of the most pointless out there.
By the time we ask that to someone we've already made up our mind whether or not we trust them. It's almost rhetorical if you don't trust them because you know they're going to say yes. If we do trust them then they're only reaffirming our trust which isn't needed because they're always going to say yes.
Now when it comes time to tell them whatever your pressing issue is the trust again comes into play. If it is actually some huge secret then several things can happen. If you don't trust them then you will decide to not tell them anything, you will tell them a partial truth, or you will tell them a different secret that is much less serious or it might not even be a secret. In some rare cases you tell the untrustworthy person your secret hoping he or she spills it. Only in very particular cases does that happen.
If you trust the person and you ask them if you can trust them you have already made up your mind that you're sharing your secret. An untrustworthy person would lie to you and say you can trust them. Therefore you better pray that your initial judgement was right.
Trust is something earned. It isn't something you gain through a simple question.
Just a thought.
By the time we ask that to someone we've already made up our mind whether or not we trust them. It's almost rhetorical if you don't trust them because you know they're going to say yes. If we do trust them then they're only reaffirming our trust which isn't needed because they're always going to say yes.
Now when it comes time to tell them whatever your pressing issue is the trust again comes into play. If it is actually some huge secret then several things can happen. If you don't trust them then you will decide to not tell them anything, you will tell them a partial truth, or you will tell them a different secret that is much less serious or it might not even be a secret. In some rare cases you tell the untrustworthy person your secret hoping he or she spills it. Only in very particular cases does that happen.
If you trust the person and you ask them if you can trust them you have already made up your mind that you're sharing your secret. An untrustworthy person would lie to you and say you can trust them. Therefore you better pray that your initial judgement was right.
Trust is something earned. It isn't something you gain through a simple question.
Just a thought.
NYC
In exactly one month I'll be asleep at my aunts house awaiting for my move in day at Fordham.
Surreal.
It's exciting and at the same time scary.
I'm excited to be going to my dream school in my favorite city, but something has me feeling overwhelmed.
I'm not sure if it's the fact that I'll be in a city of over eight million where I only know three people. Being one of eight million makes a person feel so small, so outnumbered.
Or it might be the fact that unlike almost everyone I graduated with, I'm not going to college with anyone I know.
I'm sure I'll make friends soon enough I'm just uncertain.
Uncertain as to whether I'm going to try and walk on to the baseball team or if I should just settle with intramural sports.
Uncertain as to if I want to stay majoring in accounting or switch my major.
I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed, but I do.
I also feel like I have unfinished business at home that I need to take care of. I'm not sure if it's with friends or family, I just feel like there is something that needs to be closed. Some loose ends that I need to be tied up.
Maybe this is all just a lack of sleep getting to me. Maybe I have legitimate concerns. Maybe, maybe, maybe. They'll drive you crazy those maybes will.
NP: Closing Time-Semisonic
Surreal.
It's exciting and at the same time scary.
I'm excited to be going to my dream school in my favorite city, but something has me feeling overwhelmed.
I'm not sure if it's the fact that I'll be in a city of over eight million where I only know three people. Being one of eight million makes a person feel so small, so outnumbered.
Or it might be the fact that unlike almost everyone I graduated with, I'm not going to college with anyone I know.
I'm sure I'll make friends soon enough I'm just uncertain.
Uncertain as to whether I'm going to try and walk on to the baseball team or if I should just settle with intramural sports.
Uncertain as to if I want to stay majoring in accounting or switch my major.
I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed, but I do.
I also feel like I have unfinished business at home that I need to take care of. I'm not sure if it's with friends or family, I just feel like there is something that needs to be closed. Some loose ends that I need to be tied up.
Maybe this is all just a lack of sleep getting to me. Maybe I have legitimate concerns. Maybe, maybe, maybe. They'll drive you crazy those maybes will.
NP: Closing Time-Semisonic
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
ability to hate
Just like the ability to love we all have the ability to hate. Some people hate others a lot easier than others. Some people can truly say they don't hate anybody. Hell, some people can't find anyone they don't hate.
In my own semi-professional opinion it is a thousand times easier to hate someone than it is to not.
People always ask, 'Oh my don't you hate him or her for what they did to you?'
I don't.
I can truly say that I hate very few people. I think that in a way hating a lot of people makes you weak. Hating is so easy. Loving is a lot harder to do.
I hate people who do wrong to my family and friends, but other than that I don't know that I hate anyone.
In my opinion it is also, from time to time, easier to hate yourself than others. This might only be true for me, but sometimes I really get down on myself. I think it's because I expect more out of myself than I do others, so when I let myself down it hurts worse than when I'm let down by another. I am a perfectionist of sorts when it comes to my actions and as I've previously stated I'll never be perfect.
Don't ever hate yourself. Hating yourself is a weak thing to do. Loving yourself makes you a much stronger person. That is, as long as you don't idolize yourself.
In my own semi-professional opinion it is a thousand times easier to hate someone than it is to not.
People always ask, 'Oh my don't you hate him or her for what they did to you?'
I don't.
I can truly say that I hate very few people. I think that in a way hating a lot of people makes you weak. Hating is so easy. Loving is a lot harder to do.
I hate people who do wrong to my family and friends, but other than that I don't know that I hate anyone.
In my opinion it is also, from time to time, easier to hate yourself than others. This might only be true for me, but sometimes I really get down on myself. I think it's because I expect more out of myself than I do others, so when I let myself down it hurts worse than when I'm let down by another. I am a perfectionist of sorts when it comes to my actions and as I've previously stated I'll never be perfect.
Don't ever hate yourself. Hating yourself is a weak thing to do. Loving yourself makes you a much stronger person. That is, as long as you don't idolize yourself.
The Beach
The two purest forms of innocence are children and elderly people. And this innocence is multiplied when at the beach. The beach is a place a lot like Disney world. It doesn't matter where you're from or how much money you have, the beach is an experience unlike any other. When a person feels waves crash over them they can't help but think about the fact that creatures like those from Jaws are lurking only miles away. There is also an innocence about beach activities like building a sand castle. Young kids dig moats as deep as they can hoping that the night's tides won't break down their fortress. But the next morning they are dismayed to find that mother nature has come out on top. That doesn't prevent them from trying again though.
I saw an elderly couple in the water today that just melted my heart. This couple was jumping over waves and riding them in to shore. There was so much innocent love and fun between the two of them. It showed me that even though their younger years are gone, their youthfulness isn't and that even if the body grows old, the spirit doesn't have to.
Maybe it just takes a trip to the beach.
NP: Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen
I saw an elderly couple in the water today that just melted my heart. This couple was jumping over waves and riding them in to shore. There was so much innocent love and fun between the two of them. It showed me that even though their younger years are gone, their youthfulness isn't and that even if the body grows old, the spirit doesn't have to.
Maybe it just takes a trip to the beach.
NP: Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen
say what you want and do as you please
If you have even the slighest urge to say something, say it. If you want to do something, do it. Recognize; however, that with action comes responsibility. Remember, too, that words you've said are easier to fix than the ones you never did.
Words never spoken or actions never taken cannot be mended. Saying or doing the wrong thing usually can.
When speaking all the words you want you have to realize that there is a chance you will be let down.
Words only carry so much weight and the weight of words against people's feelings will always come up short. You can't change people with words. If fact, it's more than likely that you can't change them with actions either.
You know the whole "I'd give you the world" spiel? Giving someone the world only works if they're willing to accept it.
Oftentimes we don't realize the pressure we put on others with our words and actions. Sure it sounds nice when I say I'd do anything for you, but what type of pressure does that put on you?
I mean it when I say it, but I know that you aren't questioning that. You aren't questioning me, there are just other factors.
I'll hold off on the world for a while. Maybe some day.
Words never spoken or actions never taken cannot be mended. Saying or doing the wrong thing usually can.
When speaking all the words you want you have to realize that there is a chance you will be let down.
Words only carry so much weight and the weight of words against people's feelings will always come up short. You can't change people with words. If fact, it's more than likely that you can't change them with actions either.
You know the whole "I'd give you the world" spiel? Giving someone the world only works if they're willing to accept it.
Oftentimes we don't realize the pressure we put on others with our words and actions. Sure it sounds nice when I say I'd do anything for you, but what type of pressure does that put on you?
I mean it when I say it, but I know that you aren't questioning that. You aren't questioning me, there are just other factors.
I'll hold off on the world for a while. Maybe some day.
Monday, July 23, 2012
you learn it early or you crumble later
Today at the beach I saw disappointment in one of the youngest cases I've ever seen.
This disappointment wasn't major, but to a sixteen month old child, what is major?
I watched this brave little child stand himself up, shovel in hand, and begin walking towards a flock of seagulls. His pace increased as he moved along and after thirty yards he was within ten feet of the birds. Then poof, they fly away.
He sees another bird about ten yards from him. He locks in on this bird and treks towards it. This bird, like the others, escapes the boy.
With all the birds gone the little boy's head dropped. He was defeated.
His dad walked over to him and talked to him for a minute before leading him back over to their umbrella.
At sixteen months old this boy tasted his first dose of disappointment. He wanted nothing more than to touch that seagull. A task that to him seemed very achievable.
Isn't that the way it goes though? Just when you think you have something in your grasp it flies away.
His dad explained to him that he wasn't going to catch a seagull today. In reality he might not ever catch one.
That's life.
Life is let downs and disappointments. Life is the dad who tells you it's okay.
Life is full of let downs, but those let downs don't define our life.
Our life is defined instead by triumphs.
NP: Hurt Me Tomorrow- K'naan
This disappointment wasn't major, but to a sixteen month old child, what is major?
I watched this brave little child stand himself up, shovel in hand, and begin walking towards a flock of seagulls. His pace increased as he moved along and after thirty yards he was within ten feet of the birds. Then poof, they fly away.
He sees another bird about ten yards from him. He locks in on this bird and treks towards it. This bird, like the others, escapes the boy.
With all the birds gone the little boy's head dropped. He was defeated.
His dad walked over to him and talked to him for a minute before leading him back over to their umbrella.
At sixteen months old this boy tasted his first dose of disappointment. He wanted nothing more than to touch that seagull. A task that to him seemed very achievable.
Isn't that the way it goes though? Just when you think you have something in your grasp it flies away.
His dad explained to him that he wasn't going to catch a seagull today. In reality he might not ever catch one.
That's life.
Life is let downs and disappointments. Life is the dad who tells you it's okay.
Life is full of let downs, but those let downs don't define our life.
Our life is defined instead by triumphs.
NP: Hurt Me Tomorrow- K'naan
Penn State Rage
Now that Penn State has been sanctioned by the NCAA all of the people I follow on Twitter have become experts in all matters regarding the NCAA and the actions it took.
People are screaming "you don't know Penn State" or "if you didn't go to Penn State you don't know the Penn State culture". Nobody is claiming to know Penn State for God's sake. You don't have to know the culture to know that punishment was coming.
The sixty million dollar fine is a good start. The fine is going towards a fund for the victims. That's the right move. Penn State football is the third most profitable team in all of college sports. Fact. During the 2009/2010 season they generated 70 million dollars, of that 70 million, 50 million was straight profit.
That means that for one year Penn State football won't have a profit. Big deal.
Everyone seems to think that the NCAA is trying to punish current football players or current recruits. They don't want to do that, but they have to. Do any of you have better suggestions? Go back in time and punish the players who played while all this was occuring? Oh yeah, maybe while we're back in time we can encourage Joe Pa or any other of the higher ups to speak up.
Other sanctions include dropping from 85 scholarships to 65 starting in the 2014-2015 season. Boo hoo. Your team won't be as competitive. 65 scholarships is still enough to field two full offenses and defenses plus 21 left over for special teams positions. (You only need 3 kickers and 3 punters and 2 long snappers.) That means another 13 scholarships to fill any void.
No bowl games for four years, sorry but that doesn't hit me hard at all. I feel for all class of 2016 students who won't get to see Penn State play in a bowl game because that would be an experience unlike any other.
All wins being vacated from 1998 to 2011. How can that even affect the players? They know what they did or didn't do. They have their Big Ten Championship rings or various bowl rings. They can erase wins from paper but not from the mind. So for that one, who cares?
Joe Pa isn't the most winning coach in the record books but he will be for those who care to remember him as that.
Sadly too many people remember him as only that.
But it isn't about football you ignorant sons of bitches.
It's about a school.
Scholarship losses mean that certain players will give up their scholarships. The immediate loss of 10 scholarships will affect some players. You know what's great though? 10 players could easily step forward and stop playing football at Penn State. If they give up their football scholarhip they can still go to school for free and get an education. I would expect those ten to be players who know they aren't going to make it to the NFL. Practice squad guys who were having their heads beat in. Hell, give up your scholarship and then walk back on if it means that much to you. The NCAA got rid of the scholarships but the kids who are already there still get their education for free.
Isn't that what college is supposed to be about, getting an education?
The last thing that grinds my gears in people who say "my school" referring to Penn State when they haven't gone there, they aren't going there, and no one in their family went there.
Sorry, but that isn't your school buddy. You don't know it just like I don't know it. Harvard isn't my school just because I like the idea of it. Idiots.
I don't know the culture, I don't want to see students and players hurt by sanctions, I respect Penn State as a university, and I don't know what it'll be like for students next year. But i'm not claiming to. Go to Penn State to get an education. Go there because it's a family tradition. Go there because you truly want to. I can't denounce anyone who does. I'd fight for my school the same way, but my school is Fordham. And I'm not claiming it is anywhere else.
People are screaming "you don't know Penn State" or "if you didn't go to Penn State you don't know the Penn State culture". Nobody is claiming to know Penn State for God's sake. You don't have to know the culture to know that punishment was coming.
The sixty million dollar fine is a good start. The fine is going towards a fund for the victims. That's the right move. Penn State football is the third most profitable team in all of college sports. Fact. During the 2009/2010 season they generated 70 million dollars, of that 70 million, 50 million was straight profit.
That means that for one year Penn State football won't have a profit. Big deal.
Everyone seems to think that the NCAA is trying to punish current football players or current recruits. They don't want to do that, but they have to. Do any of you have better suggestions? Go back in time and punish the players who played while all this was occuring? Oh yeah, maybe while we're back in time we can encourage Joe Pa or any other of the higher ups to speak up.
Other sanctions include dropping from 85 scholarships to 65 starting in the 2014-2015 season. Boo hoo. Your team won't be as competitive. 65 scholarships is still enough to field two full offenses and defenses plus 21 left over for special teams positions. (You only need 3 kickers and 3 punters and 2 long snappers.) That means another 13 scholarships to fill any void.
No bowl games for four years, sorry but that doesn't hit me hard at all. I feel for all class of 2016 students who won't get to see Penn State play in a bowl game because that would be an experience unlike any other.
All wins being vacated from 1998 to 2011. How can that even affect the players? They know what they did or didn't do. They have their Big Ten Championship rings or various bowl rings. They can erase wins from paper but not from the mind. So for that one, who cares?
Joe Pa isn't the most winning coach in the record books but he will be for those who care to remember him as that.
Sadly too many people remember him as only that.
But it isn't about football you ignorant sons of bitches.
It's about a school.
Scholarship losses mean that certain players will give up their scholarships. The immediate loss of 10 scholarships will affect some players. You know what's great though? 10 players could easily step forward and stop playing football at Penn State. If they give up their football scholarhip they can still go to school for free and get an education. I would expect those ten to be players who know they aren't going to make it to the NFL. Practice squad guys who were having their heads beat in. Hell, give up your scholarship and then walk back on if it means that much to you. The NCAA got rid of the scholarships but the kids who are already there still get their education for free.
Isn't that what college is supposed to be about, getting an education?
The last thing that grinds my gears in people who say "my school" referring to Penn State when they haven't gone there, they aren't going there, and no one in their family went there.
Sorry, but that isn't your school buddy. You don't know it just like I don't know it. Harvard isn't my school just because I like the idea of it. Idiots.
I don't know the culture, I don't want to see students and players hurt by sanctions, I respect Penn State as a university, and I don't know what it'll be like for students next year. But i'm not claiming to. Go to Penn State to get an education. Go there because it's a family tradition. Go there because you truly want to. I can't denounce anyone who does. I'd fight for my school the same way, but my school is Fordham. And I'm not claiming it is anywhere else.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
fine
If somebody tells you that they are fine or that everything is fine...assume the worst. Fine is the best cover word in the English language.
The easiest way to detect if fine really isn't fine is when it is paired with a word like perfectly. "I'm perfectly fine."
Oh are you, because if you were perfectly fine then you would have said you're good or you're great.
Nobody is ever "perfectly fine".
To all the mothers out there: When you call home to your children while on vacation asking if everything is alright and they resppond that everything is fine, please notify the police. Either a) your kids are throwing a party or b) they left a curling iron or toaster plugged in and part of your house has been damaged.
To all the boys and girls out there: When your significant other says "no it's fine" you better get your ass to apologizing and making it up to them. By the time they've said it's fine you are in deep. They're obviously agitated about something so you better play your best detective and figure it out.
To all the parents out there: When your kid says they're fine they aren't. Ask them if they want to talk about it and if not then don't push them. Heartache and other various teenage life crises are probably at work. They'll come around, and if they don't be sure that something more serious isn't wrong.
To everyone: Fine isn't fine and it never will be. If you find yourself sayng you're fine then you are simply not as happy as you could be. Be happy. Be better than fine.
NP: Yours Truly- Sol
The easiest way to detect if fine really isn't fine is when it is paired with a word like perfectly. "I'm perfectly fine."
Oh are you, because if you were perfectly fine then you would have said you're good or you're great.
Nobody is ever "perfectly fine".
To all the mothers out there: When you call home to your children while on vacation asking if everything is alright and they resppond that everything is fine, please notify the police. Either a) your kids are throwing a party or b) they left a curling iron or toaster plugged in and part of your house has been damaged.
To all the boys and girls out there: When your significant other says "no it's fine" you better get your ass to apologizing and making it up to them. By the time they've said it's fine you are in deep. They're obviously agitated about something so you better play your best detective and figure it out.
To all the parents out there: When your kid says they're fine they aren't. Ask them if they want to talk about it and if not then don't push them. Heartache and other various teenage life crises are probably at work. They'll come around, and if they don't be sure that something more serious isn't wrong.
To everyone: Fine isn't fine and it never will be. If you find yourself sayng you're fine then you are simply not as happy as you could be. Be happy. Be better than fine.
NP: Yours Truly- Sol
Saturday, July 21, 2012
future starts with f-u
Okay, not the f-u you're all thinking. My future starts with FU, Fordham University.
While the future is almost always uncertain I know that next year I'll be going to college in the Bronx. I still don't know where my dorm is or who my roommate is either, but I'm sure I'll find out in due time.
My problem is that I expect things in my future. I expect to do this or I expect this person to be there. To be honest, I expect too much.
From now on, as far as my future goes I'm not expecting anything. I'm done planning out what's going to happen in my head. The future doesn't work that way.
I can't plan out my dorm room until I'm there. I can't decide what my roommate wil be like until I meet him.
I can't plan out who I'll still be best friends with. I can't say, "Yeah we'll still be best friends next year, I promise!" Saying that sounds great but it doesn't mean shit. Only time will tell who's there for me next summer.
I can't predict what will happen when I get home five days from now. I can't tell you who I'll hang out with first and I can't tell you what we'll do. I can take an educated guess, but educated guesses are often wrong.
It all comes down to what we know and truth be told, we don't know shit.
We tend to think we know a lot, but we really don't. We tend to feel certain ways and we think that because we feel a certain way that things will turn out the way we want.
Doesn't work like that though.
Plan things based only off of what you know for certain.
Keep in mind that the times change, people change, situations change, and you can't stop the change. You can only control you.
You alone control your future and while other people play a large part in how it pans out, nothing will happen unless you put it into action.
The future is uncertain in almost every way so don't expect anyhting.
Expect only what you know you can do by yourself. Have faith in other but don't rely on them. Rely on the one person who wants you to succeed more than anyone, yourself.
Look forward to the future but don't plan it out. Let it play its way out.
Hope; let's play this out and see what there is ahead.
While the future is almost always uncertain I know that next year I'll be going to college in the Bronx. I still don't know where my dorm is or who my roommate is either, but I'm sure I'll find out in due time.
My problem is that I expect things in my future. I expect to do this or I expect this person to be there. To be honest, I expect too much.
From now on, as far as my future goes I'm not expecting anything. I'm done planning out what's going to happen in my head. The future doesn't work that way.
I can't plan out my dorm room until I'm there. I can't decide what my roommate wil be like until I meet him.
I can't plan out who I'll still be best friends with. I can't say, "Yeah we'll still be best friends next year, I promise!" Saying that sounds great but it doesn't mean shit. Only time will tell who's there for me next summer.
I can't predict what will happen when I get home five days from now. I can't tell you who I'll hang out with first and I can't tell you what we'll do. I can take an educated guess, but educated guesses are often wrong.
It all comes down to what we know and truth be told, we don't know shit.
We tend to think we know a lot, but we really don't. We tend to feel certain ways and we think that because we feel a certain way that things will turn out the way we want.
Doesn't work like that though.
Plan things based only off of what you know for certain.
Keep in mind that the times change, people change, situations change, and you can't stop the change. You can only control you.
You alone control your future and while other people play a large part in how it pans out, nothing will happen unless you put it into action.
The future is uncertain in almost every way so don't expect anyhting.
Expect only what you know you can do by yourself. Have faith in other but don't rely on them. Rely on the one person who wants you to succeed more than anyone, yourself.
Look forward to the future but don't plan it out. Let it play its way out.
Hope; let's play this out and see what there is ahead.
18 that mean something
I scoured almost every blog post I have on here and I found 18 that really mean something to me. They could be long or short. I can tell you what each one is about and what state of mind I was in when I wrote them. Please read them and see if you remember them. If you do, good. Some might even apply to you. Some might be directed at you...you just never know. Enjoy.
Friday, July 20, 2012
same old tune
That's what it is I guess. Day in and day out I worry about the same things. My leg shakes for the same people. I stay up at night worrying. For what? For nothing. Worrying and shaking does me no good. Same old tune, right? Now comes the part where I tell you that's how I'm wired and how I'm afraid to lose people because of my Dad. Same old tune. You've heard it a million times. I guess I'm becoming a bit predictable. Predictable, too caring, compulsive worrier, good guy. Can't figure out what my worst crime is thus far in life. Call it same old tune if you must but I'm shaking right now. It's not a usual shake, it's more violent and it's one where I feel like I'm slowly losing control. It's one of those shaking fits where my leg shakes, my eyes water, my heart races, my blood pressure rises, my fists clench, and I feel like I'm going to hurt someone. I'm an emotional wreck. But if you look into that people who are emotional wrecks don't have to be that way. They don't have to be wrecked. Something has to wreck them first. Same old tune.
"Go ahead and tell them how you'll never regret anything or how you think it isn't possible to care too much." -yes that's me saying what I just thought to myself.
It's scary when you start calling yourself out, scary when you doubt yourself, scary when you realize everyone was right. Scary when you start to regret.
Same old tune.
not anymore.
But when I wake up tomorrow, it'll all repeat itself. History repeats itself and by tomorrow morning tonight will be history.
History needs to be rewritten. It needs changed.
Blogs like this make me wonder, am I insane? Or is it just everyone else?
"Go ahead and tell them how you'll never regret anything or how you think it isn't possible to care too much." -yes that's me saying what I just thought to myself.
It's scary when you start calling yourself out, scary when you doubt yourself, scary when you realize everyone was right. Scary when you start to regret.
Same old tune.
not anymore.
But when I wake up tomorrow, it'll all repeat itself. History repeats itself and by tomorrow morning tonight will be history.
History needs to be rewritten. It needs changed.
Blogs like this make me wonder, am I insane? Or is it just everyone else?
there always will be
As I'm sure you've heard, early this morning in Colorado a movie theater was shot up by one gunman. The gunman killed twelve people and left dozens more wounded. It is said he bought a ticket, went into the theater with the crowd, propped an exit door open, exited the theater, and returned some time later in a bulletproof vest and gas mask where he immediately opened fire. The man used an assault rifle, a shotgun, and a Glock handgun. He also threw cannisters of tear gas into the crowd. The youngest wounded was three months old...
Batman is a movie focused on the good conquering the evil. It's a sad case of irony when evil attempts to get back like it did this morning.
There will be legislators who blame the second amendment and some others who will blame video games. A man who was in the theater gave a speech on CNN where he announced the real problem... Evil.
The video is moving and the man wants to convey the reality of this situation...there is evil in this world. There is pure, hate-filled evil.
While there is evil I believe that there will always be more good.
The media nowadays focuses solely on the evil of the world. You turn on the news in any major city and the first thing you see is murder this, or scandal that, terrorist here, or war there.
The media loves to dwell on the evils of this world.
I can't explain to you why that is. Is it to scare us into believing in the governemnt? The idea that if we buy into different programs we will be safe? I don't think it's anything as serious as that but it makes one wonder... Why focus on this evil?
The world is filled with people who do the right thing. Filled with everyday Bruce Waynes who stand for everything that is good and right.
Trust me when I tell you that there are more good people in this world than there are evil.
As cliche as it is we have to believe that the good will always conquer evil. We have to believe that because the day that we stop believing it is the day we've given up. It's the day that we've given up on humanity and on ourselves as a human race. We can't give up. We can't forget the heroes. Whether big or small we can't forget the good deeds done every day by citizens of every walk of life.
Evil may not know any bounds, but good doesn't either. And where there is evil I guarantee there is good.
From every evil deed carried out a hero or heroin will surface.
We can't spend time asking why this happened or how we could have prevented it. Sure, stricter gun laws and all that...but what it reallys boils down to is that there is evil in this world and there always will be.
Don't forget the good though...life is too beautiful and good to only give attention to the evil.
If we focus on the good, more good will arise. Evil will surface time and time again, but when evil is quelled and people see more and more of the good the world will be a better place.
Don't be afraid of the evils of this world, be cognizant of them.
Don't question the good in the world, expect and demand it.
Believe in the good. Believe in us.
NP: Real World- Matchbox 20
Batman is a movie focused on the good conquering the evil. It's a sad case of irony when evil attempts to get back like it did this morning.
There will be legislators who blame the second amendment and some others who will blame video games. A man who was in the theater gave a speech on CNN where he announced the real problem... Evil.
The video is moving and the man wants to convey the reality of this situation...there is evil in this world. There is pure, hate-filled evil.
While there is evil I believe that there will always be more good.
The media nowadays focuses solely on the evil of the world. You turn on the news in any major city and the first thing you see is murder this, or scandal that, terrorist here, or war there.
The media loves to dwell on the evils of this world.
I can't explain to you why that is. Is it to scare us into believing in the governemnt? The idea that if we buy into different programs we will be safe? I don't think it's anything as serious as that but it makes one wonder... Why focus on this evil?
The world is filled with people who do the right thing. Filled with everyday Bruce Waynes who stand for everything that is good and right.
Trust me when I tell you that there are more good people in this world than there are evil.
As cliche as it is we have to believe that the good will always conquer evil. We have to believe that because the day that we stop believing it is the day we've given up. It's the day that we've given up on humanity and on ourselves as a human race. We can't give up. We can't forget the heroes. Whether big or small we can't forget the good deeds done every day by citizens of every walk of life.
Evil may not know any bounds, but good doesn't either. And where there is evil I guarantee there is good.
From every evil deed carried out a hero or heroin will surface.
We can't spend time asking why this happened or how we could have prevented it. Sure, stricter gun laws and all that...but what it reallys boils down to is that there is evil in this world and there always will be.
Don't forget the good though...life is too beautiful and good to only give attention to the evil.
If we focus on the good, more good will arise. Evil will surface time and time again, but when evil is quelled and people see more and more of the good the world will be a better place.
Don't be afraid of the evils of this world, be cognizant of them.
Don't question the good in the world, expect and demand it.
Believe in the good. Believe in us.
NP: Real World- Matchbox 20
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
smarts
Today I said something that I found very philosophical...
It's easy for a person to be intelligent, but it's much harder for them to be smart.
Allow me to explain...
What I'm saying is that a person can be brilliant, an Einstein of sorts, but if they can't apply it or perfom then they are worthless. I have a friend who is probably the most intelligent kid I have come to know. (By SAT standards anyway.) This same friend is the one everyone worries will flunk out of college. Not because he isn't smart or is stupid, but because he is lazy and is a major procrastinator.
There are plenty of other cases where intelligence doesn't signify smarts.
Plenty of people are intelligent enough to know how dangerous it is to drink excessively, but when it comes time to make the smart decision, their intelligence falls by the wayside.
Other lack of smarts scenarios often involve people we associate with.
We can know that a person is no good for us, know that they are bringing us down, or know that they just aren't a good person...but when it comes time to be smart and rid ourselves of them we suddenly forget all those truths we were once so sure of.
I like to think of myself as an intelligent person. (Call me an optimist too if you must.)
But I'll admit that I'm not always smart. When it comes to right and wrong and good versus evil I'm usually right and good, but when it comes to making the smart decision about people I sometimes fall short.
It's good to be intelligent, but it is better to be smart.
Make the smart decision, usually you will find that the smart decision and the right one are one in the same.
NP: Piano Man- Billy Joel
It's easy for a person to be intelligent, but it's much harder for them to be smart.
Allow me to explain...
What I'm saying is that a person can be brilliant, an Einstein of sorts, but if they can't apply it or perfom then they are worthless. I have a friend who is probably the most intelligent kid I have come to know. (By SAT standards anyway.) This same friend is the one everyone worries will flunk out of college. Not because he isn't smart or is stupid, but because he is lazy and is a major procrastinator.
There are plenty of other cases where intelligence doesn't signify smarts.
Plenty of people are intelligent enough to know how dangerous it is to drink excessively, but when it comes time to make the smart decision, their intelligence falls by the wayside.
Other lack of smarts scenarios often involve people we associate with.
We can know that a person is no good for us, know that they are bringing us down, or know that they just aren't a good person...but when it comes time to be smart and rid ourselves of them we suddenly forget all those truths we were once so sure of.
I like to think of myself as an intelligent person. (Call me an optimist too if you must.)
But I'll admit that I'm not always smart. When it comes to right and wrong and good versus evil I'm usually right and good, but when it comes to making the smart decision about people I sometimes fall short.
It's good to be intelligent, but it is better to be smart.
Make the smart decision, usually you will find that the smart decision and the right one are one in the same.
NP: Piano Man- Billy Joel
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
another reminder
I just went to get ice cream with my family and I saw another reminder of how simple life really is. I chose not to have any ice cream which is unusual for me, but instead I waited for my younger cousin Jack to eat his before we embarked on a mission.
We were going to look at minerals.
Watching an intrigued nine year old walk around a mineral store showed me that life is so much simpler than we make it out to be.
Jack was talking for the entirety of the trip and it was nice to sit back and listen for awhile...
"I like this one, Tommy. Look at this! I found this in my backyard before. I told dad I want this one for my birthday. I want to get this one for both dad and grandfather. Aren't these cool, Tommy? Which do you like? There are a lot of minerals in here, aren't there? This is pretty neat. These are pen holders. This is quartz. Okay we can go now."
I stumbled along the whole way and didn't get more than a "Sure bud," out of my mouth.
Now I wonder, "Is it simplicity, is it youth, or is life simpler when we're young?"
The answer is yes it is. Life is certainly simpler when we are young. But when I was walking around that mineral store all I cared about was listening to my little cousin and being a big cousin to him. I wasn't worried about girls, school, or anything in between.
It's funny how much a little boy with Asperger's can teach you.
We were going to look at minerals.
Watching an intrigued nine year old walk around a mineral store showed me that life is so much simpler than we make it out to be.
Jack was talking for the entirety of the trip and it was nice to sit back and listen for awhile...
"I like this one, Tommy. Look at this! I found this in my backyard before. I told dad I want this one for my birthday. I want to get this one for both dad and grandfather. Aren't these cool, Tommy? Which do you like? There are a lot of minerals in here, aren't there? This is pretty neat. These are pen holders. This is quartz. Okay we can go now."
I stumbled along the whole way and didn't get more than a "Sure bud," out of my mouth.
Now I wonder, "Is it simplicity, is it youth, or is life simpler when we're young?"
The answer is yes it is. Life is certainly simpler when we are young. But when I was walking around that mineral store all I cared about was listening to my little cousin and being a big cousin to him. I wasn't worried about girls, school, or anything in between.
It's funny how much a little boy with Asperger's can teach you.
If I May
In my short time as an adult on this earth I feel like I've already learned lessons that someone else might benefit from. If any of these ideas mean anything to anyone then it will have been worth it, and if not then at least I put them out there.
from me to you:
Don't look for forever in a temporary place.
Make a decision and never look back. Looking back causes doubts, and doubts will break your heart.
Be you and love you. Even if you isn't the coolest or the smartest. Pretending to be anything else is like pretending you never existed.
Never question if you're enough. If you're asking that, then the person you're trying to please isn't worth it.
Never settle for less than you deserve.
Put yourself out there. Even if it gets you hurt at least you gave it all you had.
Be passionate about something. (Preferably something legal.)
Don't live in fear. Fear only the things you are passionate about. Don't fear them because they're scary, fear them because you are afraid of losing them.
Ask questions. Even the questions you don't want to know the answers to. You'll find that those are the answers you need most.
Don't over think.
Enjoy yourself responsibly. I'm not telling you whether or not to drink or smoke, just don't be dumb, and don't smoke yourself dumb.
Know what you're bringing to the table and expect the same in return.
Find someone who makes you a priority. Never settle as a backup plan.
Listen to your own advice.
I know that if I listened to even half of my so called advice my life would not only be happier, but would also be less stressful.
One day I'll learn my lesson...one day. Not today.
Today I'm going to keep on chasing, keep on waiting, keep on hoping, and keep on dreaming. I won't wish it because a wish won't make it happen. Only I can, and when I can't then it's up to "fate". Whatever the hell that is.
NP: Savior- Rise Against
from me to you:
Don't look for forever in a temporary place.
Make a decision and never look back. Looking back causes doubts, and doubts will break your heart.
Be you and love you. Even if you isn't the coolest or the smartest. Pretending to be anything else is like pretending you never existed.
Never question if you're enough. If you're asking that, then the person you're trying to please isn't worth it.
Never settle for less than you deserve.
Put yourself out there. Even if it gets you hurt at least you gave it all you had.
Be passionate about something. (Preferably something legal.)
Don't live in fear. Fear only the things you are passionate about. Don't fear them because they're scary, fear them because you are afraid of losing them.
Ask questions. Even the questions you don't want to know the answers to. You'll find that those are the answers you need most.
Don't over think.
Enjoy yourself responsibly. I'm not telling you whether or not to drink or smoke, just don't be dumb, and don't smoke yourself dumb.
Know what you're bringing to the table and expect the same in return.
Find someone who makes you a priority. Never settle as a backup plan.
Listen to your own advice.
I know that if I listened to even half of my so called advice my life would not only be happier, but would also be less stressful.
One day I'll learn my lesson...one day. Not today.
Today I'm going to keep on chasing, keep on waiting, keep on hoping, and keep on dreaming. I won't wish it because a wish won't make it happen. Only I can, and when I can't then it's up to "fate". Whatever the hell that is.
NP: Savior- Rise Against
crazy little thing
It's about those texts you were unsure sending, to the girl you never thought you had a chance with.
It's about the thrill of the chase, the joy of victory, and the bitterness of defeat.
It's about falling in love when you had no business doing so.
It's about loving endlessly even when the end seems so near.
It's about the late nights, the earlier mornings, and every part in between.
It's about squeezing everything in that you can in a day because you have no idea what tomorrow holds.
It's about waiting for a text because you know that you can't send the first one.
It's crazy, it's stupid, and I don't really know it....it's fun to pretend though.
NP: Nothing Lasts Forever- Maroon 5
It's about the thrill of the chase, the joy of victory, and the bitterness of defeat.
It's about falling in love when you had no business doing so.
It's about loving endlessly even when the end seems so near.
It's about the late nights, the earlier mornings, and every part in between.
It's about squeezing everything in that you can in a day because you have no idea what tomorrow holds.
It's about waiting for a text because you know that you can't send the first one.
It's crazy, it's stupid, and I don't really know it....it's fun to pretend though.
NP: Nothing Lasts Forever- Maroon 5
Monday, July 16, 2012
ever-changing
Just when we think we've figured it out, we haven't.
Just when I post a blog that I think explains it, I'm proved wrong.
The truth is that life is ever-changing. Nothing I say can fully predict or explain what will happen.
People oftentimes either say, "Life's a bitch," or, "Life's beautiful."
I think life is a compromise. Life is a beautiful bitch.
Just when we think something is done it comes back into our life. We think to ourself, "Son of a bitch. I thought this was over." Then we're reminded how much we like that part that we thought was gone. There's the beauty in it.
NP: On Broadway- George Benson
Just when I post a blog that I think explains it, I'm proved wrong.
The truth is that life is ever-changing. Nothing I say can fully predict or explain what will happen.
People oftentimes either say, "Life's a bitch," or, "Life's beautiful."
I think life is a compromise. Life is a beautiful bitch.
Just when we think something is done it comes back into our life. We think to ourself, "Son of a bitch. I thought this was over." Then we're reminded how much we like that part that we thought was gone. There's the beauty in it.
NP: On Broadway- George Benson
Sunday, July 15, 2012
afterlife
My last blog brought about ideas of the afterlife. I come from a Catholic background and am quite accustomed to hearing about heaven and hell. You know the theory... if you're a good person, stay free of sin, or repent your sins you go to heaven. Other than that you go to hell or into the waiting room that is purgatory.
I will be the first to tell you I'm not afraid of growing old or of dying. There is a deep deep fear I have regarding death though...I fear one day not waking up and there being nothing left for me. I am afraid of one day just not being. I'm afraid of expiring in my sleep and never knowing what happened. I'm afraid that the world will just go black forever, that I'll never wake up or feel any emotion ever again.
I won't say I fully believe in heaven and hell or that I fully discredit them either.
Heaven and hell are things you have to truly believe deep down and I'm just not to that point yet.
Another possibility that someone mentioned to me was another life. What if after we died we didn't go to heaven or hell, just to a common ground where we led another life? Nothing as cut and dry as bad hell or good heaven. I'm not talking about reincarnation here either. I'm not saying we would be reborn in this world, I'm surmising that maybe after this life we go to a different place and start again. Not as ourself necessarily, but as someone.
I'm sure this won't make sense to diehard Christians but its just some food for thought. Trying to inspire some thought in you guys. I don't want any of you to fear death.
Death isn't the scary part, it's this living that scares the hell out of me.
NP: Miserable At Best- Mayday Parade
I will be the first to tell you I'm not afraid of growing old or of dying. There is a deep deep fear I have regarding death though...I fear one day not waking up and there being nothing left for me. I am afraid of one day just not being. I'm afraid of expiring in my sleep and never knowing what happened. I'm afraid that the world will just go black forever, that I'll never wake up or feel any emotion ever again.
I won't say I fully believe in heaven and hell or that I fully discredit them either.
Heaven and hell are things you have to truly believe deep down and I'm just not to that point yet.
Another possibility that someone mentioned to me was another life. What if after we died we didn't go to heaven or hell, just to a common ground where we led another life? Nothing as cut and dry as bad hell or good heaven. I'm not talking about reincarnation here either. I'm not saying we would be reborn in this world, I'm surmising that maybe after this life we go to a different place and start again. Not as ourself necessarily, but as someone.
I'm sure this won't make sense to diehard Christians but its just some food for thought. Trying to inspire some thought in you guys. I don't want any of you to fear death.
Death isn't the scary part, it's this living that scares the hell out of me.
NP: Miserable At Best- Mayday Parade
one week
1 week. 7 days. 168 hours. 10,080 minutes. 604,800 seconds. They're all synonymous, and a lot can change in one week.
In a week you can go from being in a relationship to single. In a week you could lose your grandmother. In a week two sports you play could simultaneously come to an end. In a week you can lose a lot.
And that, right there, is the problem with time. Usually when we talk about time we talk about how long it is until something ends. That is just our natural way of doing it. In almost all sports the clock counts down to zero.
I feel like when we measure time we always have such a negative connotation with it. "Oh, I have to get this done by ____," or "I only have _____ days left." Those just carry a negative vibe.
Instead of referring to time as an expiration of sorts why don't we instead think of it as a beginning? I have exactly six weeks until I leave for college and that means I have 60,480 minutes to get all of my high school living out. In six weeks time it isn't the end of something, rather it marks the beginning. In six weeks I have another fifteen weeks to live out my first semester. Notice I didn't say until my first semester ends?
As I mentioned before you can lose a lot in a week, but you can also get a hell of a lot done.
A week of talking to someone you haven't in a while can brighten your spirits. A week on vacation with your family gives you time to reconnect. A week with your best friends can leave you with memories that will last a lifetime.
The idea of our lifetime is probably the most complex concept of time. At what point do we start dying? When we're born do we have a set expiration date and based on our lifestyles and actions that date can come sooner or later? Do we start dying after fifty?
When I say dying i don't mean we become ill. Rather, I mean what stage of our life do we stop growing up and start growing old? When do we cross the line from living to dying?
It's strange if you take a second to think about it. Imagine when you're born if you were told you have 90 years, 3 months, and 15 days. At the moment of birth you, in a sense, would be dying. Your time would slowly be going down.
Maybe I'm far off on this or maybe this actually makes sense.
Cliche saying time, "Get busy living, or get busy dying."
Life is a mere chance to live, it's not written in stone that you'll actually do it.
NP: No Lie- 2 Chainz ft. Drake
In a week you can go from being in a relationship to single. In a week you could lose your grandmother. In a week two sports you play could simultaneously come to an end. In a week you can lose a lot.
And that, right there, is the problem with time. Usually when we talk about time we talk about how long it is until something ends. That is just our natural way of doing it. In almost all sports the clock counts down to zero.
I feel like when we measure time we always have such a negative connotation with it. "Oh, I have to get this done by ____," or "I only have _____ days left." Those just carry a negative vibe.
Instead of referring to time as an expiration of sorts why don't we instead think of it as a beginning? I have exactly six weeks until I leave for college and that means I have 60,480 minutes to get all of my high school living out. In six weeks time it isn't the end of something, rather it marks the beginning. In six weeks I have another fifteen weeks to live out my first semester. Notice I didn't say until my first semester ends?
As I mentioned before you can lose a lot in a week, but you can also get a hell of a lot done.
A week of talking to someone you haven't in a while can brighten your spirits. A week on vacation with your family gives you time to reconnect. A week with your best friends can leave you with memories that will last a lifetime.
The idea of our lifetime is probably the most complex concept of time. At what point do we start dying? When we're born do we have a set expiration date and based on our lifestyles and actions that date can come sooner or later? Do we start dying after fifty?
When I say dying i don't mean we become ill. Rather, I mean what stage of our life do we stop growing up and start growing old? When do we cross the line from living to dying?
It's strange if you take a second to think about it. Imagine when you're born if you were told you have 90 years, 3 months, and 15 days. At the moment of birth you, in a sense, would be dying. Your time would slowly be going down.
Maybe I'm far off on this or maybe this actually makes sense.
Cliche saying time, "Get busy living, or get busy dying."
Life is a mere chance to live, it's not written in stone that you'll actually do it.
NP: No Lie- 2 Chainz ft. Drake
Saturday, July 14, 2012
the rain
Both my games today were cancelled due to rain.
It seems like ages since it's rained here and I remember now how serene a nice rainstorm can be.
There's nothing violent or malevolent about it, just a simple pitter patter of water against the windows and against the dried out grass outside. No matter how hard the pitters or patters become I never worry. Maybe it's because I only associate rain with life. You know, rain comes and then plants and crops grow.
I guess rain can bring about death as well through flooding.
Rain is peculiar in that sense. It can bring about life or cause death. All the elements are like that in a sense. the sun helps grow, but can kill a person through excessive heat.
It just goes to show you how the elements control us. Just when we think our technology is taking over we are forced to realize that it was the elements that created this earth, and it'll be the elements who bring it down.
Technology might delay or speed up this process, depending on which school of thought you align yourself with, but in the end it's the elements that will decide when this world will expire.
The rain might delay a baseball game, bring life to a flower, flood an ancient civilization, or maybe it will inspire you. I'm feeling pretty inspired right now.
It seems like ages since it's rained here and I remember now how serene a nice rainstorm can be.
There's nothing violent or malevolent about it, just a simple pitter patter of water against the windows and against the dried out grass outside. No matter how hard the pitters or patters become I never worry. Maybe it's because I only associate rain with life. You know, rain comes and then plants and crops grow.
I guess rain can bring about death as well through flooding.
Rain is peculiar in that sense. It can bring about life or cause death. All the elements are like that in a sense. the sun helps grow, but can kill a person through excessive heat.
It just goes to show you how the elements control us. Just when we think our technology is taking over we are forced to realize that it was the elements that created this earth, and it'll be the elements who bring it down.
Technology might delay or speed up this process, depending on which school of thought you align yourself with, but in the end it's the elements that will decide when this world will expire.
The rain might delay a baseball game, bring life to a flower, flood an ancient civilization, or maybe it will inspire you. I'm feeling pretty inspired right now.
Friday, July 13, 2012
let's play two
I played in a doubleheader today which was a lot more fun than I anticipated it would be. We had to win the first game to even get to play the second and we sure won the first one.
I went four for four in the game and more importantly we won 11 to 1. The second game was supposed to be a lot closer because it was a team we had already lost to twice. Wrong. Fifteen runs later we won 15 to 1 and sent a cocky Beaver Falls team home with their tails between their legs.
In two games we out scored our opponents 26 to 2. Not too shabby.
Now we have to win another two tomorrow to win the tournament. Winning the tournament would give us entrance to another tournament and the chance to play in California if we make it through that tournament. (Actually there might be two more tournaments that need to be won before we would head to Cali so don't quote me on that.)
Either way we lived to fight another day and guaranteed ourself at least one more game. That's all you can ask for, right? Another day to play.
Live and die on this day.
Live and die on this day.
That's what the tattoo will say.
NP: Two- Ryan Adams
I went four for four in the game and more importantly we won 11 to 1. The second game was supposed to be a lot closer because it was a team we had already lost to twice. Wrong. Fifteen runs later we won 15 to 1 and sent a cocky Beaver Falls team home with their tails between their legs.
In two games we out scored our opponents 26 to 2. Not too shabby.
Now we have to win another two tomorrow to win the tournament. Winning the tournament would give us entrance to another tournament and the chance to play in California if we make it through that tournament. (Actually there might be two more tournaments that need to be won before we would head to Cali so don't quote me on that.)
Either way we lived to fight another day and guaranteed ourself at least one more game. That's all you can ask for, right? Another day to play.
Live and die on this day.
Live and die on this day.
That's what the tattoo will say.
NP: Two- Ryan Adams
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Penn State Scandal
Today news came out about the Penn State sex scandal and the report was devastating to say the least. I'll post the link to the case here in case you haven't read it yet.
http://www.thefreehreportonpsu.com/Press_Release_07_12_12.pdf
Those of you who know me know I'm not a big Penn State fan to begin with. I have nothing against the school, its teachers, student, alumni, football team, or anything else. Instead I hate the narrow minded "staters" who live and die by the Nittany Lion and express the idea that Penn State does no wrong.
This entire Sandusky case has shed a negative cloud on the university. I deplore what all those in charge at the school did but I' not so quick as to say anything bad about the school as an institution. Those guilty are those mentioned in the Freeh report. I also despise the negligence displayed by some alumni or current students. Today I saw a current student argue on Twitter that it was insane to remove the Joe Pa statue because "he was Penn State." That's the type of ignorance that pisses me off. Joe Paterno isn't Penn State. He was, for decades, the head coach of a powerhouse football team. He was also a great philanthropist. Unfortunately his legacy will forever be clouded by his negligence in this case.
In a sense I do find Joe Pa as guilty as Sandusky. Or at least as guilty as a passerby can be. My rule of thumb is this; if people look up to you and hold you to a higher standard you are expected to act at a higher standard. Joe Paterno had no standard by not reporting his findings to the authorities.
At the very least I wish Joe Pa would've restricted Sandusky's access to school facilities, but he failed to do that.
Joe Paterno made a huge mistake. Was he a horrible man? Not by any means.
Jerry Sandusky is a despicable human being who I have no sympathy for. In my not so professional opinion I think the death penalty woudl've been lenient and 1000 years in jail would be too short. I want him in general population. I want him to see how child molesters are treated in prison. Just as cop killers are sacred, child molesters are the low of the low. He should have to face the inmates of a state penitentiary. They should be his final jury.
I dare you to play the "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" card here. Ghandi would roll over in his grave.
At the end of the day Penn State is still a great school to get a great education at. 99% of it's alumni and students are right. 1% are either the guilty or ignorant folk who think nothing went wrong. I have friends and loved ones who are going to Penn State and I don't blame them at all. I have no problem with stuicking up for your school. Hell, we all would do it. From what I can see Penn State alum are some of the most loyal and school spirited in the country.
Should they remove the Joe Pa statue? I'll leave that discussion up to the people who can actually do something about it.
The actions of a few cannot condemn the whole, but if the whole protects those few, I have a problem.
http://www.thefreehreportonpsu.com/Press_Release_07_12_12.pdf
Those of you who know me know I'm not a big Penn State fan to begin with. I have nothing against the school, its teachers, student, alumni, football team, or anything else. Instead I hate the narrow minded "staters" who live and die by the Nittany Lion and express the idea that Penn State does no wrong.
This entire Sandusky case has shed a negative cloud on the university. I deplore what all those in charge at the school did but I' not so quick as to say anything bad about the school as an institution. Those guilty are those mentioned in the Freeh report. I also despise the negligence displayed by some alumni or current students. Today I saw a current student argue on Twitter that it was insane to remove the Joe Pa statue because "he was Penn State." That's the type of ignorance that pisses me off. Joe Paterno isn't Penn State. He was, for decades, the head coach of a powerhouse football team. He was also a great philanthropist. Unfortunately his legacy will forever be clouded by his negligence in this case.
In a sense I do find Joe Pa as guilty as Sandusky. Or at least as guilty as a passerby can be. My rule of thumb is this; if people look up to you and hold you to a higher standard you are expected to act at a higher standard. Joe Paterno had no standard by not reporting his findings to the authorities.
At the very least I wish Joe Pa would've restricted Sandusky's access to school facilities, but he failed to do that.
Joe Paterno made a huge mistake. Was he a horrible man? Not by any means.
Jerry Sandusky is a despicable human being who I have no sympathy for. In my not so professional opinion I think the death penalty woudl've been lenient and 1000 years in jail would be too short. I want him in general population. I want him to see how child molesters are treated in prison. Just as cop killers are sacred, child molesters are the low of the low. He should have to face the inmates of a state penitentiary. They should be his final jury.
I dare you to play the "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" card here. Ghandi would roll over in his grave.
At the end of the day Penn State is still a great school to get a great education at. 99% of it's alumni and students are right. 1% are either the guilty or ignorant folk who think nothing went wrong. I have friends and loved ones who are going to Penn State and I don't blame them at all. I have no problem with stuicking up for your school. Hell, we all would do it. From what I can see Penn State alum are some of the most loyal and school spirited in the country.
Should they remove the Joe Pa statue? I'll leave that discussion up to the people who can actually do something about it.
The actions of a few cannot condemn the whole, but if the whole protects those few, I have a problem.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
thoughts from a suburban sidewalk
Tonight I actually went on that late night run. I walked around the neighborhood once and then ran a few hill sprints before sprinting down my hill as fast as I could.
Now, sitting on the sidewalk outside my house, I'm thinking.
Thought 1: Inadequacy is something nobody should ever feel.
Thought 2: Quitting isn't in my nature.
Thought 3: Running is good.
Thought 4: Jealousy and worry shows how much a person truly cares.
Thought 5: Even though actions speak louder than words, some words trap a person.
Thought 6: Love is by far the strongest emotion.
Thought 7: People don't change until they realize what they've lost or what they're about to lose.
Thought 8: Making the wrong decision can haunt you.
Thought 9: The sidewalk isn't as uncomfortable as you might expect.
Thought 10: Laughter is my best defense.
Thought 11: I say it's fine even if it's not because it more or less has to be fine.
Thought 12: I'd rather be punched in the face then be told I told you so.
Now to elaborate.
1. Oftentimes I can't help but feel inadequate and it is by far the worst feeling in the world. No person, no matter how lowly they are, should ever feel that way.
2. Time and time again I find myself in a situation where quitting would save me so much time and pain, but instead I push on. Stubbornness or determination? The choice is yours really.
3. Running is a foolproof way to clear your head, even if it only lasts as long as a hill sprint.
4. People tell you not to worry and that jealousy is the ugliest trait. I beg to differ. Being jealous can, in the right situation, show how much you actually care about someone. Worrying also shows how much you care. Worrying about someone or something shows that you care enough to be distraught over a bad outcome. Caring is key. And there is no such thing as caring too much.
5. Some words a person says to you can trap you and lead you to feeling a certain way.
6. Love is one of those words. Hearing "I love you," or in some cases, "I'm in love with you," can leave a person feeling trapped. Love is a powerful thing and when it is tossed around without backing it can be very dangerous. I guess the moral is don't use it unless you wholeheartedly mean it and intend to show it. Contradicting love is a horrible, horrible crime.
7. It's just the truth. I'd say that people never change, but rehab changed my Dad. And it never would have if he didn't realize that he was going to lose his family. History repeats itself and people do too. People won't change until they realize they've lost it all. Rock bottom can change a person, I've seen it myself.
8. Everyone has made that one decision that they wish they could make again. Be it small or large we all have it. We might not regret the decision we made, but we still would like a mulligan to make it better.
9. That was a blatant lie. The sidewalk is just as uncomfortable as you'd expect.
10. When I'm hurting, I laugh it off. I use a smile to hide pain. I refuse to look weak, so instead I laugh at my expense or at someone else's. I love making jokes about things that actually bother me because if I make it into a joke it seems to hurt less.
11. I always, always say that "I'm fine" or "It's fine." Truth be told most times it isn't. I'll never admit that in the heat of the moment though because no matter how not fine something is I'll say that it's fine because in a sense it has to be. Complaining about something that's bothering me rarely leads to a resolution so why even bring it up? I'd prefer to fake okay and save myself the hassle of explaining what's wrong. So, if you were wondering, I'm fine.
12. There is nothing worse than being told "I told you so." People give us warnings all the time and when we don't heed them and end up hurt, we look like the idiots. Please, if you warned me about something and I end up wrong, punch me in the face before you say I told you so.
NP: Over My Dead Body- Drake
Now, sitting on the sidewalk outside my house, I'm thinking.
Thought 1: Inadequacy is something nobody should ever feel.
Thought 2: Quitting isn't in my nature.
Thought 3: Running is good.
Thought 4: Jealousy and worry shows how much a person truly cares.
Thought 5: Even though actions speak louder than words, some words trap a person.
Thought 6: Love is by far the strongest emotion.
Thought 7: People don't change until they realize what they've lost or what they're about to lose.
Thought 8: Making the wrong decision can haunt you.
Thought 9: The sidewalk isn't as uncomfortable as you might expect.
Thought 10: Laughter is my best defense.
Thought 11: I say it's fine even if it's not because it more or less has to be fine.
Thought 12: I'd rather be punched in the face then be told I told you so.
Now to elaborate.
1. Oftentimes I can't help but feel inadequate and it is by far the worst feeling in the world. No person, no matter how lowly they are, should ever feel that way.
2. Time and time again I find myself in a situation where quitting would save me so much time and pain, but instead I push on. Stubbornness or determination? The choice is yours really.
3. Running is a foolproof way to clear your head, even if it only lasts as long as a hill sprint.
4. People tell you not to worry and that jealousy is the ugliest trait. I beg to differ. Being jealous can, in the right situation, show how much you actually care about someone. Worrying also shows how much you care. Worrying about someone or something shows that you care enough to be distraught over a bad outcome. Caring is key. And there is no such thing as caring too much.
5. Some words a person says to you can trap you and lead you to feeling a certain way.
6. Love is one of those words. Hearing "I love you," or in some cases, "I'm in love with you," can leave a person feeling trapped. Love is a powerful thing and when it is tossed around without backing it can be very dangerous. I guess the moral is don't use it unless you wholeheartedly mean it and intend to show it. Contradicting love is a horrible, horrible crime.
7. It's just the truth. I'd say that people never change, but rehab changed my Dad. And it never would have if he didn't realize that he was going to lose his family. History repeats itself and people do too. People won't change until they realize they've lost it all. Rock bottom can change a person, I've seen it myself.
8. Everyone has made that one decision that they wish they could make again. Be it small or large we all have it. We might not regret the decision we made, but we still would like a mulligan to make it better.
9. That was a blatant lie. The sidewalk is just as uncomfortable as you'd expect.
10. When I'm hurting, I laugh it off. I use a smile to hide pain. I refuse to look weak, so instead I laugh at my expense or at someone else's. I love making jokes about things that actually bother me because if I make it into a joke it seems to hurt less.
11. I always, always say that "I'm fine" or "It's fine." Truth be told most times it isn't. I'll never admit that in the heat of the moment though because no matter how not fine something is I'll say that it's fine because in a sense it has to be. Complaining about something that's bothering me rarely leads to a resolution so why even bring it up? I'd prefer to fake okay and save myself the hassle of explaining what's wrong. So, if you were wondering, I'm fine.
12. There is nothing worse than being told "I told you so." People give us warnings all the time and when we don't heed them and end up hurt, we look like the idiots. Please, if you warned me about something and I end up wrong, punch me in the face before you say I told you so.
NP: Over My Dead Body- Drake
out of mind
I've been wondering if "out of sight, out of mind" actually works.
I feel like it doesn't. I don't have to see something regularly to be reminded of it and long for it.
I haven't seen my Nan in over ten years, but just because she is out of sight doesn't mean I don't always think about her.
There are times I wish that this saying held true and other times where I hate the idea of forgetting.
Sometimes our best defense is forgetting. Sometimes not knowing is best.
Somethings really are better left unsaid.
A lot of unnecessary pain comes from knowing.
We yearn as long as we live to gain as much knowledge as we can. And in most cases, knowledge is power.
In some cases however, knowledge is our biggest weakness.
Love can go like that, at least it seems that way to me.
Wouldn't it be easier not knowing? Not having to be let down or doing the letting down?
Of course, along with not knowing comes missed opportunities.
Which begs the question, which is worse? Not knowing and missing an opportunity? Or, knowing and an opportunity falling to pieces?
I'll leave you with that for now.
I feel like it doesn't. I don't have to see something regularly to be reminded of it and long for it.
I haven't seen my Nan in over ten years, but just because she is out of sight doesn't mean I don't always think about her.
There are times I wish that this saying held true and other times where I hate the idea of forgetting.
Sometimes our best defense is forgetting. Sometimes not knowing is best.
Somethings really are better left unsaid.
A lot of unnecessary pain comes from knowing.
We yearn as long as we live to gain as much knowledge as we can. And in most cases, knowledge is power.
In some cases however, knowledge is our biggest weakness.
Love can go like that, at least it seems that way to me.
Wouldn't it be easier not knowing? Not having to be let down or doing the letting down?
Of course, along with not knowing comes missed opportunities.
Which begs the question, which is worse? Not knowing and missing an opportunity? Or, knowing and an opportunity falling to pieces?
I'll leave you with that for now.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
dreams
We all, to some extent or another, have dreams. If you don't; please stop reading this blog, find the sharpest object you can, and stab yourself in the eyes.
If you don't have a dream you don't need to see, in fact, if you don't have a dream you don't need to live.
Maybe I'm making this more dramatic than it needs to be, but maybe not.
Without a dream there is no journey, no path for us to follow in life.
Without a dream we can't say we're living life, we're more or less occupying the earth and stealing oxygen from the dreamers.
My dream is to not work a normal job. Ty's dream is to play professional soccer.
Those are two very different and at the same time very similar dreams. They're both dreams that will require some time and effort.
Time and effort, no problem.
But how much time and effort do we have to put into to reach our goals?
What are we willing to sacrifice to get there?
The answer will vary for each person, but in almost all cases you have to be willing to lose a lot. You have to be willing to risk it all in some cases. You can't fear rejection, instead you have to make rejection your motivator. Just because you don't get it the first try doesn't mean it's unattainable.
In Ty's case it will require travelling to Europe for different try-outs. It'll require breaking a culture barrier and being in an unusual setting. It'll require long flights and plenty of sleepless nights. It'll take time.
All good things take time.
The next question you might ask is, "What if I fail?"
Failure is expected. The Wright brothers didn't fly the first time they tried did they?
How you deal with crashing is what will make or break you.
In my case it might be being turned down by a newspaper, or a publisher. Failure only lasts as long as the despair does. If you accept the fact you have failed and push on, then you never really failed. But if you dwell on the sorrows of failing, then you have successfully allowed failure to manifest inside you. Nobody can tell you that you are a failure. You might not win, you may lose, but that never makes you a failure. Triumphs are decided by you and you alone and failure won't exist as long as you don't want it to.
How do you know when you've reached the dream?
Trust me, you'll know. When you wake up every morning and can tell yourself you wouldn't wish for anything more, that is when you've reached your dream. Reaching one dream allows for new dreams to grow as well.
Dare to dream, dare to reach those dreams, and dare to replace those attained dreams with new dreams.
The last thought for dreams is how to live the dream while you're journeying to your dream.
How can we be happy when our dream is still so far out of reach?
For me living the dream while searching for the dream is simple. Live life day by day. If it's blogging from some dumpy apartment so be it. If it's working a part time job to pay for that dumpy apartment, fine. The thought of reaching my dream should keep me going. When I lay down every night and think about what could be, I'm dreaming, and when I'm dreaming, I am happy. If I'm happy, how am I not living the dream?
NP: Young Forever- Jay-Z
If you don't have a dream you don't need to see, in fact, if you don't have a dream you don't need to live.
Maybe I'm making this more dramatic than it needs to be, but maybe not.
Without a dream there is no journey, no path for us to follow in life.
Without a dream we can't say we're living life, we're more or less occupying the earth and stealing oxygen from the dreamers.
My dream is to not work a normal job. Ty's dream is to play professional soccer.
Those are two very different and at the same time very similar dreams. They're both dreams that will require some time and effort.
Time and effort, no problem.
But how much time and effort do we have to put into to reach our goals?
What are we willing to sacrifice to get there?
The answer will vary for each person, but in almost all cases you have to be willing to lose a lot. You have to be willing to risk it all in some cases. You can't fear rejection, instead you have to make rejection your motivator. Just because you don't get it the first try doesn't mean it's unattainable.
In Ty's case it will require travelling to Europe for different try-outs. It'll require breaking a culture barrier and being in an unusual setting. It'll require long flights and plenty of sleepless nights. It'll take time.
All good things take time.
The next question you might ask is, "What if I fail?"
Failure is expected. The Wright brothers didn't fly the first time they tried did they?
How you deal with crashing is what will make or break you.
In my case it might be being turned down by a newspaper, or a publisher. Failure only lasts as long as the despair does. If you accept the fact you have failed and push on, then you never really failed. But if you dwell on the sorrows of failing, then you have successfully allowed failure to manifest inside you. Nobody can tell you that you are a failure. You might not win, you may lose, but that never makes you a failure. Triumphs are decided by you and you alone and failure won't exist as long as you don't want it to.
How do you know when you've reached the dream?
Trust me, you'll know. When you wake up every morning and can tell yourself you wouldn't wish for anything more, that is when you've reached your dream. Reaching one dream allows for new dreams to grow as well.
Dare to dream, dare to reach those dreams, and dare to replace those attained dreams with new dreams.
The last thought for dreams is how to live the dream while you're journeying to your dream.
How can we be happy when our dream is still so far out of reach?
For me living the dream while searching for the dream is simple. Live life day by day. If it's blogging from some dumpy apartment so be it. If it's working a part time job to pay for that dumpy apartment, fine. The thought of reaching my dream should keep me going. When I lay down every night and think about what could be, I'm dreaming, and when I'm dreaming, I am happy. If I'm happy, how am I not living the dream?
NP: Young Forever- Jay-Z
Savior Complex
I feel like I have a lesser degree of a savior complex. A savior complex is a state of mind where people feel the need to save other people. Some saviors go out of their way into bad situations to attempt to save someone.
I find myself to do this quite a bit.
Last night I figured out a little bit more why I hate drinking. I hate when people close to me drink and I'm not around because I feel like I can't protect them. When I'm around the drinking I'm usually more calm because I feel like if anything bad were to happen, I could prevent it. I'm not sure why I feel the need to keep people safe because it's their life, I just do.
With college quickly approaching I need to face my fear of drinking.
When I say "my fear" I don't mean that I'm afraid of doing it myself, I mean that I need to confront all the demons I associate with it.
I've come to realize that alcohol is a fear of mine much like people are afraid of snakes, spiders, or heights. It isn't like a normal fear where I run away from it like a person might run away from a spider. Instead, this fear gets me very angry and i want to confront it. When I see drinking with those close to me I become a mix of three major, conflicting emotions. I become distraught, angry, and begin feeling physically ill.
Sooner or later I have to realize that it's an irrational fear.
It's just hard to explain to anyone exactly how I feel when they've never seen what I've seen.
One image that sticks in my mind comes from a time my Dad was at rock bottom.
I remember walking into the kitchen and watching my mom pour all the alcohol down the sink just so my Dad couldn't get to it.
I'll face my fear like I've faced all my other ones...in time.
NP: Stop and Stare- OneRepublic
the one to change them
Boys and girls alike are oftentimes caught up in relationships or other scenarios where they are against the odds. I'm talking about against the odds in the sense that the boy or girl they are talking to has a bad history. A bad history can mean they are truly a bad person or a bad history can refer to a past full of unsuccessful relationships.
Many times a boy or girl gets in too deep with a person that, as history has shown, will end up hurting them in the end.
There is an "effect" as I like to call it, that we young people like to get caught up in. I have coined it "The JK Effect." The JK Effect, referring to John Kennedy, operates on one simple principle. Change.
John Kennedy was a womanizer and any woman who thought she could change that was dead wrong. Countless mistresses from across the country show that. I wasn't there, but I envision those woman felt like he truly cared about them. I don't think that was the case.
We all want to be the one who changes someone.
We want to prove everyone wrong and show that we can be the one.
Even when everyone warns you that what you're doing is stupid and that you're going to get hurt, you push on anyways. There is some sort of primal instinct that tells us we can do it. "We can stop history from repeating itself and we won't get hurt like that other girl or guy did."
Sadly, in 99% of cases, we're wrong.
Girls look to be "The one who settled down with John Kennedy." And guys look to be something similar. (Only not with John Kennedy, obviously.)
I'm not sure if we put too much faith in people as a whole or if we truly think we can change a person.
Having faith is okay, but people rarely change.
If you want to be that game changer, I wish you the best of luck. Just be prepared because more often than not, history repeats itself.
NP: Soundtrack To My Life- Kid Cudi
Sunday, July 8, 2012
as I sit
As I sit, I think.
I think about the future. Not tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year.
I'm thinking farther down the road.
I'm thinking about how I don't want to have a normal job. I don't want to put on a shirt and tie and go to work from nine to five. I don't want to be a CPA or get an MBA. I don't want any job dealing with an acronym ending in A unless it's for the CIA.
I want to be able to throw on sweats, a Fordham tee-shirt, and a hat and be able to say I'm going to work.
I want to sit behind a Macbook and have ten different tabs up. I want to be listening to music, online shopping, and researching random things on Wikipedia as I work. I want writing to be my work.
I want a day at the office to consist of getting out of bed (or not if I don't have to), turning on my computer, and typing a few pages in Microsoft Word.
I don't want to get take out for lunch at the office. I want to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch.
I don't want a secretary and I don't want an office.
Instead, I want a wife who won't get mad when I leave the jelly out. Who won't mind that I left my dirty dishes around the house. I want a wife who will support me when writer's block sets in.
I want a wife who loves what I write, but loves what I say even more.
I want a family to support.
I want, more than anything, to be happy.
NP: Have Faith In Me- A Day to Remember
I think about the future. Not tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year.
I'm thinking farther down the road.
I'm thinking about how I don't want to have a normal job. I don't want to put on a shirt and tie and go to work from nine to five. I don't want to be a CPA or get an MBA. I don't want any job dealing with an acronym ending in A unless it's for the CIA.
I want to be able to throw on sweats, a Fordham tee-shirt, and a hat and be able to say I'm going to work.
I want to sit behind a Macbook and have ten different tabs up. I want to be listening to music, online shopping, and researching random things on Wikipedia as I work. I want writing to be my work.
I want a day at the office to consist of getting out of bed (or not if I don't have to), turning on my computer, and typing a few pages in Microsoft Word.
I don't want to get take out for lunch at the office. I want to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch.
I don't want a secretary and I don't want an office.
Instead, I want a wife who won't get mad when I leave the jelly out. Who won't mind that I left my dirty dishes around the house. I want a wife who will support me when writer's block sets in.
I want a wife who loves what I write, but loves what I say even more.
I want a family to support.
I want, more than anything, to be happy.
NP: Have Faith In Me- A Day to Remember
summertime and the living's...boring
I think I love the idea of summer more than I actually love summer. Some people exclaim, "I love the days where I have nothing to do." Are you crazy?
Days where I have nothing to do are hell. I sit around and think and think and sit around.
Days where my schedule is packed are the days I live for. I guess the occasional mental health day isn't too bad, but when I go for almost a week on end with nothing planned I want to shoot something.
The only good thing that comes out of days where I have nothing planned is I can go into my scholarly/nerdy role and read a book for hours on end. It also gives me a chance to hang out at the pool with my momma. Both of us, books in hand, can relax in the water for hours on end.
Summertime is a strange time because we wish for it to come and when it's here we don't know what to do with it. Time seems to fly by, but many a times we do nothing with our time.
I want to get the most out of this summer. Whether it's days with my mom at the pool or days that are packed with social events. Every day is a day. A day well spent can only be judged by those spending it. So, if I look back at my day each night and am content with how it went then I haven't wasted any time.
Today I'm golfing with my grandparents and my dad which will be followed up by dinner at the country club. Should be a good day. (Plus I already got a decent run in with Ty.)
Ask me how my day was 10 hours from now and I expect I'll tell you it was worthwhile.
Plus a little side note here... any day where you spend the entire day talking to the one person you want to talk to is a day well spent. No matter what the circumstances, no matter what the topic of discussion, it's a good day.
Find that person and talk the day away.
If you've found that person already, make sure they know it.
NP: Buzzin'-Shwayze
Days where I have nothing to do are hell. I sit around and think and think and sit around.
Days where my schedule is packed are the days I live for. I guess the occasional mental health day isn't too bad, but when I go for almost a week on end with nothing planned I want to shoot something.
The only good thing that comes out of days where I have nothing planned is I can go into my scholarly/nerdy role and read a book for hours on end. It also gives me a chance to hang out at the pool with my momma. Both of us, books in hand, can relax in the water for hours on end.
Summertime is a strange time because we wish for it to come and when it's here we don't know what to do with it. Time seems to fly by, but many a times we do nothing with our time.
I want to get the most out of this summer. Whether it's days with my mom at the pool or days that are packed with social events. Every day is a day. A day well spent can only be judged by those spending it. So, if I look back at my day each night and am content with how it went then I haven't wasted any time.
Today I'm golfing with my grandparents and my dad which will be followed up by dinner at the country club. Should be a good day. (Plus I already got a decent run in with Ty.)
Ask me how my day was 10 hours from now and I expect I'll tell you it was worthwhile.
Plus a little side note here... any day where you spend the entire day talking to the one person you want to talk to is a day well spent. No matter what the circumstances, no matter what the topic of discussion, it's a good day.
Find that person and talk the day away.
If you've found that person already, make sure they know it.
NP: Buzzin'-Shwayze
Saturday, July 7, 2012
naive
In eighteen years of life there is one trait that I have yet to shake. Naivete.
I'm not sure if it's overconfidence, an idea that I'm more persuasive than I really am, or if I just like the idea of changing people's minds.
Too many times I put myself in a situation that isn't in my favor. I always think, "I can change it. If I do my all things can work out differently." And truth be told sometimes things do work out differently, but when they don't it feels like the world's caving in.
I can't even count the number of people who could be telling me "I told you so." Thankfully they haven't started yet.
People always tell me, "Tommy, I don't want to let you down." Honestly, that's bull shit. Nobody ever wants to let someone down. It isn't human nature. Saying that you don't want to let someone down is an excuse to not fully invest yourself. I've used it myself before and I recognize that I said it because I wasn't capable of putting my whole self into it.
To be honest, I'm rarely let down by other people.
Whenever someone messes up I don't blame them for the change it's caused in my opinion of them. Instead, I blame myself for expecting something else.
I feel like I let myself down.
I'm my biggest enemy, my biggest competition, my biggest inspiration, and my biggest tormentor.
I'm oftentimes my own best friend and other times I want nothing more than to hate myself.
I'm not a pessimist though, so maybe this will all work out.
NP: Hypnotize- Biggie
I'm not sure if it's overconfidence, an idea that I'm more persuasive than I really am, or if I just like the idea of changing people's minds.
Too many times I put myself in a situation that isn't in my favor. I always think, "I can change it. If I do my all things can work out differently." And truth be told sometimes things do work out differently, but when they don't it feels like the world's caving in.
I can't even count the number of people who could be telling me "I told you so." Thankfully they haven't started yet.
People always tell me, "Tommy, I don't want to let you down." Honestly, that's bull shit. Nobody ever wants to let someone down. It isn't human nature. Saying that you don't want to let someone down is an excuse to not fully invest yourself. I've used it myself before and I recognize that I said it because I wasn't capable of putting my whole self into it.
To be honest, I'm rarely let down by other people.
Whenever someone messes up I don't blame them for the change it's caused in my opinion of them. Instead, I blame myself for expecting something else.
I feel like I let myself down.
I'm my biggest enemy, my biggest competition, my biggest inspiration, and my biggest tormentor.
I'm oftentimes my own best friend and other times I want nothing more than to hate myself.
I'm not a pessimist though, so maybe this will all work out.
NP: Hypnotize- Biggie
Friday, July 6, 2012
Love and Other Drugs
First off I'd like to state that the movie Love and Other Drugs is pretty damn good. It's not like the usual sappy love movies I see. Anne Hathaway's character, Maggie, has early onset Parkinson's Disease and Jake Gyllenhaal's character falls in love with her.
I'm not sure there is anything more sad than a disease that doesn't have a cure.
And I don't think there is anything more beautiful than the family and loved ones who love an ill person endlessly.
I'm sure everyone says that they would love the person in sickness and in health, but until you're in that situation I don't think you can say one way or the other.
A disease like Parkinson's is a sad, sad thing to watch develop. A slight tremor becomes a constant shake. Everyday normalities like buttoning your shirt become a constant struggle. You are forced to watch a beautiful person be deteriorated and crushed by a disease that can't be stopped, only slowed.
They remain that beautiful person you love, but when the smile you grew to love has faded and the body becomes rigid you begin to wonder why it happened to you. You want desperately to find a cure, but a cure won't be found by you.
You have to come to terms with the fact that stage one will become stage two, that stage two will lead to stage three, and that in time stage four will arrive and the shaking will become violent and nearly uncontrollable.
Towards the end of the movie Jamie (Jake Gyllenhaal's character) tells Maggie that he needs her and that she needs him. She tries to convince him that she doesn't need him, but he tells her that everybody needs somebody to take care of them. Maggie cries that it isn't fair because she's going to need him more than he needs her and Jamie consoles her and tells her that's okay.
It is okay, needing someone more than they need you, that is. It's okay because having a little faith in humanity won't kill you. If anything it'll show you who the truly caring people are.
It takes a huge letdown to realize what you want, what you need, and what you already have.
Find that person who loves you when you're sick and when you're healthy.
NP: We Found Love- Rihanna
I'm not sure there is anything more sad than a disease that doesn't have a cure.
And I don't think there is anything more beautiful than the family and loved ones who love an ill person endlessly.
I'm sure everyone says that they would love the person in sickness and in health, but until you're in that situation I don't think you can say one way or the other.
A disease like Parkinson's is a sad, sad thing to watch develop. A slight tremor becomes a constant shake. Everyday normalities like buttoning your shirt become a constant struggle. You are forced to watch a beautiful person be deteriorated and crushed by a disease that can't be stopped, only slowed.
They remain that beautiful person you love, but when the smile you grew to love has faded and the body becomes rigid you begin to wonder why it happened to you. You want desperately to find a cure, but a cure won't be found by you.
You have to come to terms with the fact that stage one will become stage two, that stage two will lead to stage three, and that in time stage four will arrive and the shaking will become violent and nearly uncontrollable.
Towards the end of the movie Jamie (Jake Gyllenhaal's character) tells Maggie that he needs her and that she needs him. She tries to convince him that she doesn't need him, but he tells her that everybody needs somebody to take care of them. Maggie cries that it isn't fair because she's going to need him more than he needs her and Jamie consoles her and tells her that's okay.
It is okay, needing someone more than they need you, that is. It's okay because having a little faith in humanity won't kill you. If anything it'll show you who the truly caring people are.
It takes a huge letdown to realize what you want, what you need, and what you already have.
Find that person who loves you when you're sick and when you're healthy.
NP: We Found Love- Rihanna
Thursday, July 5, 2012
school spirit
I just realized I only have two Fordham shirts. This is a travesty that must be resolved soon. I go onto the campus bookstore website everyday and look at what I want to buy.
I figure to survive college I'm going to need...
two pairs of Fordham sweatpants,
a Fordham hat,
several more Fordham tee-shirts (around 7 total),
a Fordham hoodie,
a Fordham rain jacket.
Some might call that list over the top, but I think it's the perfect list.
It might appear to be obsessive, but I call it school spirit.
Plus each and every piece has some use.
2 pairs of sweatpants allow me to get away with wearing sweatpants at least four times a week if need be.
A hat helps with bad hair days or to actually just block out the sun.
Having seven tee-shirts allows for one everyday of the week.
A hoodie is great for jeans or with sweats and comes in handy during cold winter months.
A rain jacket...well it rains in New York doesn't it? Obviously I'll need a rain jacket to get from class to class.
It looks like that shopping list comes out to around $220 worth of Fordham clothing. Not too shabby.
I figure to survive college I'm going to need...
two pairs of Fordham sweatpants,
a Fordham hat,
several more Fordham tee-shirts (around 7 total),
a Fordham hoodie,
a Fordham rain jacket.
Some might call that list over the top, but I think it's the perfect list.
It might appear to be obsessive, but I call it school spirit.
Plus each and every piece has some use.
2 pairs of sweatpants allow me to get away with wearing sweatpants at least four times a week if need be.
A hat helps with bad hair days or to actually just block out the sun.
Having seven tee-shirts allows for one everyday of the week.
A hoodie is great for jeans or with sweats and comes in handy during cold winter months.
A rain jacket...well it rains in New York doesn't it? Obviously I'll need a rain jacket to get from class to class.
It looks like that shopping list comes out to around $220 worth of Fordham clothing. Not too shabby.
memory
Isn't it crazy how you associate one movie, song, or saying with a person? Some people are represented by more than one thing. Obviously the more memories you have with a person the more you associate with them.
Then again, you can spend everyday with a person and still not have fond memories of them. You can spend years with someone and not feel the same affect as months with someone else.
Time is a strange thing because many times you can accomplish more in less time. Sometimes you're given as much time as you need to do something, but you would be able to get more out of it with a time constraint.
1461 days versus 121 days.
It's amazing the time difference there. The first is over twelve times larger than the second, yet somehow the second feels so much stronger.
This whole blog started with the fact that I heard my sister watching Burlesque in the other room. Burlesque, despite some arguments, takes me back to early December. (Not November)
NP: Open Your Eyes- Snow Patrol
Then again, you can spend everyday with a person and still not have fond memories of them. You can spend years with someone and not feel the same affect as months with someone else.
Time is a strange thing because many times you can accomplish more in less time. Sometimes you're given as much time as you need to do something, but you would be able to get more out of it with a time constraint.
1461 days versus 121 days.
It's amazing the time difference there. The first is over twelve times larger than the second, yet somehow the second feels so much stronger.
This whole blog started with the fact that I heard my sister watching Burlesque in the other room. Burlesque, despite some arguments, takes me back to early December. (Not November)
NP: Open Your Eyes- Snow Patrol
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
it isn't the same
I don't get what my mom doesn't understand. Our family vacation to Hilton Head isn't the same as it used to be.
It was different whenever our whole family went down for the full two weeks, but now our numbers have dwindled.
Jarrett, John, and Joey are grown up and can't make it down anymore. Maura, Emily, Aunt Maureen, and Uncle Joe can only stay a week. Uncle Dick has a restaurant down there and other obligations so he isn't around. Yet somehow my mom expects me to want to stay down there just me, her, Jenny, Pap, and Joyce.
It isn't the same as before when the whole family would head down to the beach every morning and spend hours in the sun. Fourteen days isn't so bad when you're among family and you're staying busy the whole time. When Jarrett and Joe were still coming down we would be able to hang out and time seemed to fly by. But they've grown up and moved on and sadly I'm growing up and moving on too.
Don't get me wrong, I still love Hilton Head, it's just that this is my last summer before my life gets shaken up.
It's the last couple weeks before my friends and I go our separate ways. In 28 days one of my best friends will be gone, in 47 days another will be gone, and in 53 I'll be gone.
Maybe years from now looking back I'll ask why I didn't take advantage of the vacation time I had. Maybe...
Right now I want to see my friends.
I love my family more than my friends, it's just the idea that I know where to find my family. In a year's time I'm not sure where I'll be able to find my friends.
Three hundred sixty-five days from now I'll have finished my first year at college. My friends might be at home working summer jobs, they might be taking advantage of internships, or maybe they're off chasing their dreams playing semi-professional soccer.
Life is full of maybes, the future especially, all I know for certain is that I want to live up these last couple weeks with my friends.
Times are changing.
Do you feel it yet?
NP: Different Now- Oddisee
It was different whenever our whole family went down for the full two weeks, but now our numbers have dwindled.
Jarrett, John, and Joey are grown up and can't make it down anymore. Maura, Emily, Aunt Maureen, and Uncle Joe can only stay a week. Uncle Dick has a restaurant down there and other obligations so he isn't around. Yet somehow my mom expects me to want to stay down there just me, her, Jenny, Pap, and Joyce.
It isn't the same as before when the whole family would head down to the beach every morning and spend hours in the sun. Fourteen days isn't so bad when you're among family and you're staying busy the whole time. When Jarrett and Joe were still coming down we would be able to hang out and time seemed to fly by. But they've grown up and moved on and sadly I'm growing up and moving on too.
Don't get me wrong, I still love Hilton Head, it's just that this is my last summer before my life gets shaken up.
It's the last couple weeks before my friends and I go our separate ways. In 28 days one of my best friends will be gone, in 47 days another will be gone, and in 53 I'll be gone.
Maybe years from now looking back I'll ask why I didn't take advantage of the vacation time I had. Maybe...
Right now I want to see my friends.
I love my family more than my friends, it's just the idea that I know where to find my family. In a year's time I'm not sure where I'll be able to find my friends.
Three hundred sixty-five days from now I'll have finished my first year at college. My friends might be at home working summer jobs, they might be taking advantage of internships, or maybe they're off chasing their dreams playing semi-professional soccer.
Life is full of maybes, the future especially, all I know for certain is that I want to live up these last couple weeks with my friends.
Times are changing.
Do you feel it yet?
NP: Different Now- Oddisee
Sunday, July 1, 2012
want to the umpteenth degree
Have you ever wanted something so bad it hurt? I'm not talking in the metaphorical sense. I'm talking about falling to your knees because it overwhelms you. I'm talking about wanting something so bad the thought of not having it actually breaks you down. Mentally, emotionally, and even physically it tears you down.
It's a strange feeling not having control of a situation.
You guys know me, I refuse to do anything that impairs my judgement or removes control from my hands. Yet somehow, I have no power here.
The only control I have is what I do. That's all you ever have I guess. You can't tell someone else how to feel or how to act. You can't make someone feel the way you want.
All you can do is take every possible measure to show them how you feel and how you want them to feel.
From there, it's out of your hands.
And that's when I get scared.
I want to have total control all the time and it doesn't work that way.
People oftentimes say that, "It'll all work out," and to that I say bullshit.
You can sit there and tell me that all day and I'll never believe you. Things won't just work themselves out. That isn't how it goes.
I refuse to just let go of something and wish at 11:11 or pray to God that it'll work out.
I'm not that kind of guy.
If I want something I'm going to do everything in my power to have it. Leave the "it'll all work out" to those that are weak enough to give up.
I recognize that sometimes it doesn't matter how bad you want something, you just can't have it. I'm giving it my all so that isn't the case this time around.
Giving up isn't an option.
Walking away isn't my style.
Letting go of something that makes me this happy just isn't going of happen.
NP: When I'm Gone- Eminem
It's a strange feeling not having control of a situation.
You guys know me, I refuse to do anything that impairs my judgement or removes control from my hands. Yet somehow, I have no power here.
The only control I have is what I do. That's all you ever have I guess. You can't tell someone else how to feel or how to act. You can't make someone feel the way you want.
All you can do is take every possible measure to show them how you feel and how you want them to feel.
From there, it's out of your hands.
And that's when I get scared.
I want to have total control all the time and it doesn't work that way.
People oftentimes say that, "It'll all work out," and to that I say bullshit.
You can sit there and tell me that all day and I'll never believe you. Things won't just work themselves out. That isn't how it goes.
I refuse to just let go of something and wish at 11:11 or pray to God that it'll work out.
I'm not that kind of guy.
If I want something I'm going to do everything in my power to have it. Leave the "it'll all work out" to those that are weak enough to give up.
I recognize that sometimes it doesn't matter how bad you want something, you just can't have it. I'm giving it my all so that isn't the case this time around.
Giving up isn't an option.
Walking away isn't my style.
Letting go of something that makes me this happy just isn't going of happen.
NP: When I'm Gone- Eminem
the gray
Once more into the fray
Into the last good fight I'll ever know
Live and die on this day
Live and die on this day
I want that as a tattoo.
Once more into the fray...venturing into the unknown, because really it's all unknown.
Into the last good fight I'll ever know... life is the only fight we have.
Live and die on this day... because it's the only thing we can do.
Into the last good fight I'll ever know
Live and die on this day
Live and die on this day
I want that as a tattoo.
Once more into the fray...venturing into the unknown, because really it's all unknown.
Into the last good fight I'll ever know... life is the only fight we have.
Live and die on this day... because it's the only thing we can do.
not knowing
The only certainty might be uncertainty but there are some things you just need to know. I want to know.
It's okay though. I'll keep shaking my legs in wonder.
I want it to stop shaking, but I've accepted the fact I'll never stop over thinking.
That's just me.
What am I?
Je pense donc je suis.
I think, therefore I am.
I am something, but what are we?
I'm just a kid, we're just people, and this is life.
This is us growing up.
This is the craziest thing you'll ever be a part of.
It's okay though. I'll keep shaking my legs in wonder.
I want it to stop shaking, but I've accepted the fact I'll never stop over thinking.
That's just me.
What am I?
Je pense donc je suis.
I think, therefore I am.
I am something, but what are we?
I'm just a kid, we're just people, and this is life.
This is us growing up.
This is the craziest thing you'll ever be a part of.
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