Tonight I actually went on that late night run. I walked around the neighborhood once and then ran a few hill sprints before sprinting down my hill as fast as I could.
Now, sitting on the sidewalk outside my house, I'm thinking.
Thought 1: Inadequacy is something nobody should ever feel.
Thought 2: Quitting isn't in my nature.
Thought 3: Running is good.
Thought 4: Jealousy and worry shows how much a person truly cares.
Thought 5: Even though actions speak louder than words, some words trap a person.
Thought 6: Love is by far the strongest emotion.
Thought 7: People don't change until they realize what they've lost or what they're about to lose.
Thought 8: Making the wrong decision can haunt you.
Thought 9: The sidewalk isn't as uncomfortable as you might expect.
Thought 10: Laughter is my best defense.
Thought 11: I say it's fine even if it's not because it more or less has to be fine.
Thought 12: I'd rather be punched in the face then be told I told you so.
Now to elaborate.
1. Oftentimes I can't help but feel inadequate and it is by far the worst feeling in the world. No person, no matter how lowly they are, should ever feel that way.
2. Time and time again I find myself in a situation where quitting would save me so much time and pain, but instead I push on. Stubbornness or determination? The choice is yours really.
3. Running is a foolproof way to clear your head, even if it only lasts as long as a hill sprint.
4. People tell you not to worry and that jealousy is the ugliest trait. I beg to differ. Being jealous can, in the right situation, show how much you actually care about someone. Worrying also shows how much you care. Worrying about someone or something shows that you care enough to be distraught over a bad outcome. Caring is key. And there is no such thing as caring too much.
5. Some words a person says to you can trap you and lead you to feeling a certain way.
6. Love is one of those words. Hearing "I love you," or in some cases, "I'm in love with you," can leave a person feeling trapped. Love is a powerful thing and when it is tossed around without backing it can be very dangerous. I guess the moral is don't use it unless you wholeheartedly mean it and intend to show it. Contradicting love is a horrible, horrible crime.
7. It's just the truth. I'd say that people never change, but rehab changed my Dad. And it never would have if he didn't realize that he was going to lose his family. History repeats itself and people do too. People won't change until they realize they've lost it all. Rock bottom can change a person, I've seen it myself.
8. Everyone has made that one decision that they wish they could make again. Be it small or large we all have it. We might not regret the decision we made, but we still would like a mulligan to make it better.
9. That was a blatant lie. The sidewalk is just as uncomfortable as you'd expect.
10. When I'm hurting, I laugh it off. I use a smile to hide pain. I refuse to look weak, so instead I laugh at my expense or at someone else's. I love making jokes about things that actually bother me because if I make it into a joke it seems to hurt less.
11. I always, always say that "I'm fine" or "It's fine." Truth be told most times it isn't. I'll never admit that in the heat of the moment though because no matter how not fine something is I'll say that it's fine because in a sense it has to be. Complaining about something that's bothering me rarely leads to a resolution so why even bring it up? I'd prefer to fake okay and save myself the hassle of explaining what's wrong. So, if you were wondering, I'm fine.
12. There is nothing worse than being told "I told you so." People give us warnings all the time and when we don't heed them and end up hurt, we look like the idiots. Please, if you warned me about something and I end up wrong, punch me in the face before you say I told you so.
NP: Over My Dead Body- Drake
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