Savior Complex

I feel like I have a lesser degree of a savior complex. A savior complex is a state of mind where people feel the need to save other people. Some saviors go out of their way into bad situations to attempt to save someone. 

I find myself to do this quite a bit. 

Last night I figured out a little bit more why I hate drinking. I hate when people close to me drink and I'm not around because I feel like I can't protect them. When I'm around the drinking I'm usually more calm because I feel like if anything bad were to happen, I could prevent it. I'm not sure why I feel the need to keep people safe because it's their life, I just do. 

With college quickly approaching I need to face my fear of drinking. 

When I say "my fear" I don't mean that I'm afraid of doing it myself, I mean that I need to confront all the demons I associate with it. 

I've come to realize that alcohol is a fear of mine much like people are afraid of snakes, spiders, or heights. It isn't like a normal fear where I run away from it like a person might run away from a spider. Instead, this fear gets me very angry and i want to confront it. When I see drinking with those close to me I become a mix of three major, conflicting emotions. I become distraught, angry, and begin feeling physically ill. 

Sooner or later I have to realize that it's an irrational fear. 

It's just hard to explain to anyone exactly how I feel when they've never seen what I've seen.

One image that sticks in my mind comes from a time my Dad was at rock bottom. 

I remember walking into the kitchen and watching my mom pour all the alcohol down the sink just so my Dad couldn't get to it. 

I'll face my fear like I've faced all my other ones...in time. 

NP: Stop and Stare- OneRepublic