naive

In eighteen years of life there is one trait that I have yet to shake. Naivete. 


I'm not sure if it's overconfidence, an idea that I'm more persuasive than I really am, or if I just like the idea of changing people's minds.

Too many times I put myself in a situation that isn't in my favor. I always think, "I can change it. If I do my all things can work out differently." And truth be told sometimes things do work out differently, but when they don't it feels like the world's caving in.

I can't even count the number of people who could be telling me "I told you so." Thankfully they haven't started yet.

People always tell me, "Tommy, I don't want to let you down." Honestly, that's bull shit. Nobody ever wants to let someone down. It isn't human nature. Saying that you don't want to let someone down is an excuse to not fully invest yourself. I've used it myself before and I recognize that I said it because I wasn't capable of putting my whole self into it.

To be honest, I'm rarely let down by other people.

Whenever someone messes up I don't blame them for the change it's caused in my opinion of them. Instead, I blame myself for expecting something else.

I feel like I let myself down.

I'm my biggest enemy, my biggest competition, my biggest inspiration, and my biggest tormentor. 


I'm oftentimes my own best friend and other times I want nothing more than to hate myself. 



I'm not a pessimist though, so maybe this will all work out. 

NP: Hypnotize- Biggie