Today I was overcome with a feeling I don't usually feel. It was a feeling of wanting to be feared. Maybe that isn't exactly right though. It isn't so much wanting to be feared as it is being recognized. Recognized as a threat. I guess when push comes to shove I just want to be noticed. I want to be known.
In some aspects I'm well known. In others I'm not.
Even though I say I'm "well known." I don't think I'm really known at all. I'm more or less observed and taken in at a face value. Few people really know me and until you hang out with me you'll never fully understand me. I'm a very strange individual. My best friends will agree with that.
I first said I wanted to be feared, and maybe I wasn't that far off. I would like it if some people knew I was there. Knew they weren't invincible and that they were replaceable. A certain type of person drives me crazy. People who get comfortable. There is nothing wrong with feeling comfortable in a situation, but you should never get to the point where you feel irreplaceable.
I guess I'm a sucker for change now. For the longest time I was that comfortable kid. I lived a lull of a life where I never did anything spontaneous or out of the ordinary.
Now I look for opportunities to do things out of my comfort zone.
I want to be feared by some, loved by more, and recognized by all. I don't care if I'm accepted by any.
Today in English someone told me they voted me for prom court because I was the only logical choice. That comment made me laugh. Maybe I am recognized by more people than I think...
If I've said it once I've said it 100 times. I want to leave my mark. That's something that will never change.
NP: When You Were Young- The Killers
No comments:
Post a Comment