Not Our Best

We lost today, making us 2-1 in section play now. We didn't play near our best baseball though. We'll be okay, I'm sure of it. Must win game on Friday at home against New Castle. Dinner after our game at Pepperoncinis was enjoyable. Wings and the Pens game always makes for a pleasant atmosphere, especially when surrounded by friends.

I'm pretty upset right now though. This whole college search is taking it's toll on me. I have narrowed down my two choices (other than Fordham) to St. John's and Drexel. St. John's is closer to where I want to be, and I really don't know much about Philly. I just know most people from the Pittsburgh area hate it. I'm so indifferent about going to visit these colleges because I don't know if either will be quite what I want from it.

Aside from that I hate how long my family and I waited to research these places. I applied not knowing what they were like holding out hope I'd get into Fordham. We had all the time in the winter to go visit and we didn't, now deposits at both schools are due May 1 and I have baseball games every other day. It's impossible to find a good time to go and I'm feeling really stressed out about this whole ordeal.

More than anything I'm afraid I'll pick a school and not be happy there. I loved Fordham so much when I visited and I'm using that as my standard. Sadly I don't think any school will measure up to Fordham.

My biggest flaw in this whole college search was holding out hope for Fordham. I still feel I have a legitimate chance of getting in off the waiting list, but if not then I waited around for nothing. And there is nothing worse than waiting around for something that's never going to pan out. Even if that something is beautiful and great, if it never comes around then you feel like the biggest idiot in the world. I've waited this long though so another couple weeks won't kill me I guess.

I'm just deathly afraid of making the wrong decision and not being happy. I really just want to be happy. That's all I ask.

Maybe it's just too late and my deep pessimism is coming out, maybe I'll go up and really love St. John's. Like always, only time will tell I guess.

NP: Landslide- Fleetwood Mac (It sure as hell feels like a landslide right about now.)