I've been forced to watch my sister grow up this year. I'm proud of her for what she's accomplished, but at the same time it breaks my heart watching her have to make her own decisions.
Today for example I watched her do something I've never done in my eighteen years of life. She walked by herself into her cheer gym and quit. Now quit isn't the right word for what she did because quitting involves giving up on something. She in no way gave up on her team. In a way the team never fully invested themselves to be given up on.
Jenny, like most everyone else in this world, detests losing, and to say her team doesn't win much would be an understatement. They haven't been getting better and Jenny felt like she could do better for herself. Can you blame her for wanting to put herself in the best situation to win? I sure as hell can't. No fifteen year old girl wants to walk out on her teammates and more importantly the girls who have become her friends, but at fifteen Jenny has already learned about sacrifices.
I watched my little sister stride into that gym full of confidence. As she was in talking to her teammates and coaches I reclined in the car and read my book. I saw her coming back to the car some twenty minutes later. She was a mess. Tears had streamed down her face and if it wasn't for me being the one doing the driving I think she had a lot more crying left to do.
It broke her heart having to leave those girls. She loved that team, it was her first and only team until this point, but it was something she felt she had to do.
I didn't ask any questions. I knew she wanted to sit there in silence and do some thinking.
When we picked mom up from getting her nails done mom asked her if she was regretting what she did. I looked back into Jenny's tear filled eyes and she shook her head no. Her eyes and body language said she did, but her response was firm. She didn't regret it.
At fifteen years old my sister is learning not to regret the decisions she's made.
I'm torn watching Jenny grow up. Part of me is excited for her and part of me is fearful. She has so much left to experience.
She still has to experience things like victory, defeat, true love, even truer heartbreak, she has to feel needed, and she has to need somebody. I can't speak on all those topics because I'm not sure I've felt them all.Not to their fullest extent at least.
I don't pray much and I rarely ever wish, but if there was anything I would ever pray and wish for it's that my little sister never feels inadequate.
Inadequate is a disgusting word. It's a word all of us know and it's a word all of us fear.
I've felt inadequate before.
And I'm at the point where I know I'm more than enough, but I still search for that feeling that I am enough.
It's a time in my life where feeling something outweighs knowing something.
I hope Jenny never settles for less than she deserves. No girl should ever tell a guy, "You're too good to me." If a girl says that to a guy, you know she hasn't been treated the way she deserved to be treated in the past.
Any guys reading this who plan on courting my sister, treat her well. All girls deserve that, especially my sister.
NP: The Only Exception- Paramore
No comments:
Post a Comment