Today has been a weird day already and it's only 9:30. I'm in such a mix of emotions I can't even decide how to feel.
The more some people talk, the more I want to get away. But when some people speak up it makes me want to stay.
I honestly don't know whether I'm more excited to be leaving or more upset. To be honest I don't think it's hit me yet that I'll be living in New York City next year. That's going to be a life changing experience.
Right now when I look around I notice people I'll miss. Comparatively however, I see more people I will not miss at all. I see cheaters, liars, hypocrites, narcissists, and even a few masochists. Then again, upon self evaluation, I'm all of those things as well. I guess human nature tells us to point out flaws in other people that we hate in ourselves. Even if in some sense of the words I am a masochist, a liar, a cheater, a narcissist, and a hypocrite I truly believe I am a good person.
This senior class has a lot of people that could not be described as "good people."
Today made me realize the people I will miss that I didn't think I'd miss and the people I won't miss that I thought I'd miss. I realized I'll miss Straka, I'll miss Z Graz, I'll miss Coach K, and I'll miss Wolfey.
(I'll refrain from mentioning the people I won't miss.)
After school I had an epiphany. It wasn't a good epiphany either. I finally realized that I have a lot of pent up anger. I have loads of animosity towards people I feel have wronged me. I drive myself insane at times wondering why things have played out the way they have. I need to find some sort of outlet for this anger because simply lifting isn't cutting it anymore. Maybe the escape is running. After I run I feel a lot better, both physically and mentally.
Final thing for today was that people were passing out senior pictures and I received a couple. No more than four or five, but they brought back memories. It reminded me how different things were just two months ago. It reminded me how quickly you can fall into something and how quickly it can be gone again. Those little notes on the back are tear jerkers for me. Such a short message to try and describe an entire range of emotions someone has for you. But ending it with three short words like I love you always leaves a person feeling reassured.
I love you too. Yes, I love all of you. I love you too, She Will Be Loved.
NP: She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5
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