good night and a fair fight

Tonight was a good night. I didn't spend it with my usual group of friends which is unusual, but not bad by any means. A little bonfire never hurt anybody, well actually I'm sure it has, but you know what I meant.

At this bonfire the idea of drinking came up. Maybe it was someone talking to me about Fordham or something else. (There was no alcohol at this bonfire, I can promise you that.)

Anyway the idea of drinking was out in my head and I realized I'm still very against it. Not in other people, in moderation, but with myself. I don't see myself drinking, possibly ever. That's part of my morals and at times I'm so steadfast in staying true to it that I wonder what I might be missing out on.

It's not that I'm worried about having fun because I find myself to be the epitome of sober fun. It's more the idea that I get mad when people close to me drink. I get mad when I have no reason to.

Well that isn't exactly true, I have my reasons. I've seen firsthand some of the dumbest things a person can do while under the influence. Not just with my dad, but with other people I used to be close to.

I get mad because I know that nearly everybody drinks and I'll never be a part of a game of pong or flip cup. I wouldn't know how to play those games if you asked me. And the thing is, I'm not mad because I want to drink or even play, I get mad because I feel left out and like people close to me become farther away when they drink. People do stupid stuff when they drink and I'm so afraid of someone close to me doing something to hurt themselves or me when they're drunk.

I guess the fair fight is the fight between sticking to my morals or going against them to do something I've never been a part of before.

For now, this fair fight is rigged. It's not as fair as it seems. Someday I'll probably compromise my morals, but that day won't be anytime soon. And it won't be for drinking.

The main thing that gets me mad is that I have no trust in people who are drinking. I'll never be able to fully trust someone once they've had that first drink at a party. I hate it, but it's how I am about it. I'm an advocate for always being fully aware of what you're doing. I just hate the things that come along with drinking.

That's why I won't be doing it anytime soon...or maybe ever.

I've lost trust in the people closest to me because of drinking, why would I trust it?


NP: Adam's Song- Blink 182