just when I thought I knew...

Today was a pretty average day, but a day of life nonetheless so I guess that makes it special. Anyway, it wasn't until 8:30 p.m. that my day really took a turn for the best. I checked my email, probably for the twentieth time today and no I'm not that popular, but as it refreshed something popped up. This is what I saw...

I nearly fainted. (I did in fact fall on the floor.) I was shocked to say the least. An overwhelming sense of accomplishment flooded my body. In that moment, I felt i could do anything. The thing I had wanted for so long was now sitting in the palm of my hand...and yet, there was indecision. I've wanted to be a Fordham Ram for as long as I can remember and now that I have that chance, I ask myself, "At what cost?"

There will come a time in every person's life where they realize what they've wanted the most might not be what's best for them. I'm fairly sure that Fordham will come out to be more expensive than St. John's. You cliche optimists will likely say, "You can't put a price on happiness," but when we're talking tens of thousands of dollars of debt, maybe I can. Maybe not though... We'll see.

They say you have to play the hand you're dealt, but how do you play it when all your cards seem so good? When each possibility has as many pros and cons as the next?

I'm a terrible card player, but I like the hand I have now. I don't mean to come across as pessimistic about getting into Fordham because I am anything but. I'm the happiest I've been in a long while. My dream school wants me. My family is proud of me. And my friends are still by my side.

Here's the only problem with wants versus needs, they're hard to discern. Sometimes it can be impossible to determine if you need something or if you just want it bad. And maybe my theory of wanting something is more than enough reason, but I'm referring to something different here. I've wanted to be a Ram for the longest time, and in the end that might be enough for me. But when I talk about what I need my mind shifts gears. My mind shifts to the friends that I need in my life. That I'd be lost without. It shifts to my family. The family who helped put me in the best position to succeed in every aspect of life.

I put those people I need above all else. When I'm with them, they're all I want, and I hope I'm all they need. I realize that isn't the case a lot of times. A lot of times minds wander and when my eyes scan the room I see minds that are elsewhere. I see eyes glued to phones. I just ask you, what do you need? What do you want? And what can I do to help? 


I've let my mind wander and I've had my eyes glued to my phone. But as senior year comes to a close I'm realizing what I truly need. 


I truly don't need much. 


I can say that I truly need to be loved and need others to love. I have that right now, and I hope it doesn't go away anytime soon. Forever is a concept I've yet to fully grasp, but I'll take this as long as I can have it for. 


Life is good, life is short, and life is turning out to be more simple than I thought. I'll be grinning for quite a while. 


Life is too good not to smile, life is too short not to smile, and life is too simple not to smile. I'm going to smile because it's one of the few things that will always make sense. 

NP: Feelin It- Jay-Z


Next year I'll be learning in one of these two buildings...surreal doesn't even explain how that feels.