In The Morning

Tomorrow morning I'm gonna wake up and head down the South Side with Frankowski to do some shopping. I doubt I'll buy anything unless something really catches my eye. I'm still saving money for some reason even though I have a thousand dollars saved up for senior trip which should be more than enough. I feel obligated to save most of the money I make so that I can use it at college next year.

Today was a chill day in case you were wondering. School seemed to fly by and after school I went to Starbucks and had a long heart to heart. I tried helping the person who took me with what is going on in their life. They have some tough decisions to make and no decision is a clear cut better one. This person is afraid of losing people's respect if they were to make a decision deemed wrong by the rest of the school. I tried offering my insight, and I'm not sure I really helped at all, but I like to think I did in some way. Even if it was only in the sense of comic relief. I didn't just listen though, I did a lot of talking myself. I spilled out what's been going on in my life to this person and it was nice to have someone really listening to me for once. Sometimes I feel like the people who ask me what's wrong don't actually listen to the words I'm saying, they just want to intervene with a story of their own to one up my sorrow. I seem to be the first person people turn to when they want to complain or want advice, but I feel like it is never reciprocated. Today wasn't like that at all. I was actually listened to for once, and I wasn't judged at all. It was a good time, and a time I won't take for granted....I also learned today that a Starbucks cup can serve many different purposes including showing the effects of AIDS.

From Starbucks I came home and zonked out for an hour before I got up to go watch the swim meet. The meet was actually semi-close which was a change and I really got into it. I was screaming like a banshee for all my friends. The team won and we went out to eat at Cadillac Ranch afterwards which was a genuinely good time.

I'm very content/happy with life right now. Content in a sense that I like where I'm at, but i don't want content to come across like I'm settling for being content. I am happy too. I'm sure there are certain things that could be going differently that would make me happier, but I cannot complain.

One thing that still eats me up is that I just want a chance. A real chance. A chance to prove myself. But life doesn't always give you that chance and sometimes you have to know what you could have been. In another life I could've been a been a division 1 kicker. But what I want is a lot more simplistic than that, I just want one day. One day to show you what I can be. Then again, maybe I don't deserve that chance. Or maybe, you're afraid to give me that chance because I might just be what you'e looking for. This applies to anyone and everyone who really doesn't know me. Who doesn't fully comprehend who I am and what I can be. I guess in a way it's for those who doubt me. I just want to prove you all wrong.

NP: You Belong With Me- Taylor Swift