I'm having a tough time thinking of anything to give you guys right now. It pains me not to have a great blog since I missed yesterdays, but I'll try and make the most of the little bit that's running through my head.
Today I am feeling extremely indifferent and indecisive. I had the chance to cover someone's shift at work today and make some good money but I passed it up. I passed it up in hopes of something better coming along. All I know is if I sit in this house all damn day and don't do anything I'll be mad that I didn't go to work.
The thing is that I hate making plans and I hate asking people if they want to hang out. Mainly because I feel like a burden of some sort. I had gone for so long, more than four years, hanging out with a few friends and one girl. Now when it comes to girls I find myself apprehensive. I'm afraid of not knowing where I stand with certain people and that's why I avoid setting up the plans. I'm more open to hanging out with my guy friends and I've been hanging out with a more diverse group. I have my core group of friends, but whenever someone else asks me if I want to hang out I rarely say no.
Because of this newfound freedom and acceptance of friends I previously rejected I have found myself in some... let's call it "new" situations. I've been around underage drinking. I've been in a car while someone nexted to me smoked marijuana. And I've even been a part of breaking five grams down into two.
To some, these things sound like child's play but to me they are new, real experiences. I'm not afraid of these things though. I see myself as a sort of hybrid. I don't dabble in the petty activities like drinking or smoking yet I can still be around those who do. If there is one thing I will always do it is stick to my guns. When I make up my mind about something I am steadfast in staying true to it. I told myself many years ago I would never smoke and never drink. Some time ago I looked back on that and thought, "That was just a naive eighth grader who thought he would do no wrong." But right now I can still say I don't think I will ever smoke or drink. I have had so many opportunities to do so, and I will have even more soon enough. The thought of senior trip is exciting to me, but not for the same reasons as most other people.
So many people in my class want to go on senior trip to see how shitfaced they can get. Senior trip to them is a chance to get away from mommy and daddy and get drunk. Basically it's like the pathetic parties they have back at home except it's miles away and is a week long. I don't think I will drink on senior trip. I'm sure to some that is just unheard of. There is no part of me that ever wants to drink though. Some say drinking is a social stimulant, but I think I'm stimulating enough without alcohol that drinking will only inhibit me.
My main thing about drinking is how you are in an altered state. You still have control over yourself but I hate the idea of not being 100% behind every decision I make.
I just don't think I will ever drink. Maybe someday when I'm old and can afford to start a wine collection I'll drink at family get togethers and at formal events, but until then I'm staying clean.
I'm going to head over to Graz's which is much better than going to work, so there we go. Deciding not to work was a good decision after all! I'm sure Graz and I will have some good talks about the women in our lives. I think Graz has a good thing going with this one girl(knock on wood) I hope it works out. As for me and my ladies...well, what ladies? I have none. And at the same time i do. I have my mom and sister, I have my prom date, I have my two best friends, and I have the girls who fawn over me and secretly want me to be theirs. (Okay so that last one was a bit dramatized, sue me.)
NP: Princess of China- Coldplay
No comments:
Post a Comment