The Waiting Game

Why is waiting such a huge part of life? I'm sick and tired of waiting. On everything. This part of my life is an uncertain one where my future is the most uncertain part. Why is it that everyone says, "Wait til you get to college?" I don't wanna wait. All I know for certain is the present and that's where I want to live. I don't want to live for tomorrow until I've lived for today. I don't wait to wait for tomorrow either, rather I want to exhaust all the hours in today so tomorrow is the only option. I just want to feel totally full.

I can sit here and feel lonely and I do from time to time, but I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that. I constantly remind myself of all the good I have in my life and I'm truly grateful for it all. I really am. If I'm going to acknowledge that I have so much good I also have to acknowledge that I often times feel lonely.

I feel lonely late at night when I don't have someone to say goodnight to. I feel lonely early in the morning when I don't have someone to say good morning to. I feel lonely when I'm with someone and I can tell their mind is somewhere else or on someone else. Those are the moments that get me the most. Probably because I know they have someone somewhere else to think about and that while I do too, the person I'm thinking of likely isn't thinking of me. Or even worse when you're with the person you constantly think about and you can tell they are caught up in something else.

I'm looking forward to college like most other kids, but looking forward too and waiting for are totally different. I refuse to wait. Waiting eats at me because it makes me think. Makes me think about what happens after you make it to college and you find yourself in the same position. Then what?

These times might be uncertain, soon to change, and unpredictable. They're also going to be short lived and hard to find later. But my theory is if you have any amount of time to do something you do it. Don't be afraid of how long it will last. Worrying about going away and leaving something unfinished shouldn't deter you from starting it in the first place. Go for what you want as soon as you want it. Forget time. Time waits for no man, and if you wait, time will pass you by.