Forgive Me

I'll start by letting you all know my Adsense account was deleted for invalid use. Somehow I cheated the system and I didn't earn that 64 dollars. Making money blogging might be a myth after all.

The title of this blog, "Forgive Me," is me asking for forgiveness. From whatever higher power is out there.

I believe in heaven and hell, in sin, and in a God.

Forgive me for I have sinned. 

Forgive me because I am, at times, a rude son of a bitch.
Forgive me because I am a judgmental son of a bitch.
Forgive me because I am, more than anything, a jealous son of a bitch. 

I'd ask you for forgiveness on something else, but caring about something too much isn't a sin.

Driving home tonight I didn't listen to music. Usually I like to listen to music as I think, but tonight I let the thoughts play in my head. I didn't need music.

The thing is, I always think I have every situation down to a t. That I know exactly what's going on in every aspect of my life. Days like today tear me down because I realize that everything I "knew" was in fact a mere thought.

I want more than anything to truly know what's going on in my life. I feel like everything I see around me is a mirage of sorts. Not in a sense that it's fake, rather it isn't exactly as it appears.

I continue to question people's motives. It's a hobby of mine now to sit and wonder what goes through people's heads. I could pretend like someday I might know, but that'd be utter bullshit. I'll never understand how some people operate.

How you can say one thing, but mean another? How you can act one way and say you feel a different?

Words, actions, and feelings should all align if you're being truthful. 


It's painful, it really is. Not knowing what to think.

Some things even words can't describe. Sometimes even the most profound thing that comes to my mind wouldn't explain how I feel.

Today was one of those days.

I'm tired, for the first time in a long time, I'm truly tired. I've done all the thinking and worrying I can possibly do.

I've dreamed up how things will play out and I've hoped and hoped and hoped. Hope isn't dead, she's just taking the night off. She's resting her eyes in hope that tomorrow she'll have a reason to come out. 


I'm not one to usually try and one up everyone else. I'll be the last to brag about a skill of mine, and the last to say that I like the way I look. But when I see people talk about their mind running, I know, for a fact, that mine runs faster.

When you think you've got a lot on your mind there is always someone thinking about more.



I have so much more to say. And holding back words you want to say in my eyes is a sin...call me a sinner then. 


Goodnight. I love you.