More often than not i find myself searching for... well myself. I try to pinpoint who I am and what I'm all about. And the truth is, I don't know. I have a lot of stuff going on in my head most days and I like having people there to talk to about it. When I'm not busy searching my own mind i like to search other people's minds. I like seeing what makes someone tick, I like pushing their buttons to see how far they can be pushed, and more than anything i like to ask people questions and really find out things about them. People are interesting to say the least. The best is when you find something out about someone and it is something you had no idea they felt.
The best feeling in the world to find out about someone is to find out that you are loved. Being loved is something everybody wants. Saying you don't need love is like saying you don't need air. Knowing that someone is thinking about you is an awesome feeling. And thinking about someone can be almost as awesome. The worst feeling, in my professional opinion however, is feeling one way and not knowing whether what you feel is the right way to feel. I tend to put myself out there to people and maybe it has hurt me and maybe one day it will hurt me even more, but that's what I do. I enjoy letting people know how i feel and if that means leaving myself open to being hurt, then try and hurt me.
I find that the only things I can hide from people is when I am hurting. I have, over the years, mastered the art of stowing away any pain I feel to the point where when I do let it out I'm a wreck. Not gonna lie, when I cry I sob. I hyperventilate and all kinds of crazy shit happens. I rarely cry though, not saying I am too tough to cry because i'm far from it. I'll cry if I'm sad, I'll smile if I'm happy, and I'll laugh if something's funny. The only time i won't show you how i feel is if I'm afraid that it will make me seem weak. I hate the idea of being weak. I guess i don't view crying as a weakness because I know that there are people places in the world who have shed all the tears they can for a lifetime. People who have seen things I hope i never have to see. They weren't weak because they cried, and I'm not weak if I cry.
Well this blog went from searching to crying, gotta love that. Well to all my avid readers, I want to say I love you. And I want to remind you that you are never too old to tell that to someone you love, whether it's a grandparent, brother, sister, or just a friend. I love yous never go out of style. Trust me, I would know, I'm a fashionable guy.
NP: Unwell- Matchbox Twenty
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