Christmas is amazing. I had an amazing Christmas. Spent it with loved ones which is the best part of any holiday. (Also got some amazing presents which also helps.) What's great about Christmas is it's a time where people really show who they are. Mr. Marshall went on a rant in class last week, be it it was a good rant, and talked about becoming a better listener. This Christmas I listened. Tonight I listened to my cousins talk back and forth with Joyce about the economy, politics, education reform, and climate change. It was insightful, and even though I had nothing to say I was engaged. I listened and I learned. I learned a lot about both my cousins from their stances on the various topics and also realized how smart Joyce is, Joyce is my step grandmother by the way.
The thing about listening is that you have to listen not only to people but to yourself. You need to listen to your head and your heart. Doctors say it is about 18 inches from your head to your heart, but it seems like the two are much farther apart than that sometimes. It feels like there are miles between the two sometimes and it's hard to know what to listen to. This Christmas I listened to my heart and I put myself out there. I like to think it worked, but only time will tell.
What's sad is that people try to come in and tell you that what you did is wrong. People hate to see other people happy, they enjoy seeing other people upset so their life seems better. Recently I have heard them talk, I have questioned if what I have done is wrong, I have thought and thought, I have been called a liar, I have been ridiculed for things my heart told me was right. And what it comes down to is this, I truly and honestly am going to stick by what I have done. I will not take back anything I have said or done and I will no longer even acknowledge someone who questions my heart. My heart is one thing you cannot question. Questioning a man's heart is questioning the very principles they live by and the words they speak. If you doubt my heart, you doubt me as a person.
The other terrible thing is when you are doing something you think is so great and you can see that someone you care about is going to be brought down by it. I hate thinking that I am bringing drama into someone else's life. Especially someone who doesn't deserve it. I guess the only thing to say about that is that you have to find someone in your life worth putting ahead of yourself. People can say what they want about me, but when they want to bring someone else into it, someone totally not in the wrong, that is where I say no. I'll stick up for those people I care about until the day I die. Question my heart on that one.
Well Christmas is over, and a new year is approaching, but I'm starting to look at everyday as a present. Any day that you get to talk to someone who means a lot to you it's a gift. Remember you aren't owed anything in life. That's for damn sure. Another thing that is guaranteed is that you should never question whether you are "worth it." I know I have and it eats away at me. Time to recognize that who I am is who I am, and that if that isn't worth fighting for, then whatever happens happens and what's meant to be will be.
Final thought for tonight is believing. You need something or someone to believe in, and this Christmas I started believing again. Believing in myself, and believing in other people. It just took a Christmas bell to make me realize.
NP: Beautiful- Eminem
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