Well today was shaping up to be a great day. Which it was a great day, but even great days have dark spots. After skiing with Moose and his family for three hours I came back to my phone and saw a message from my mom that simply read "Call Me."
My first thoughts were that something happened with my Christmas list, but boy oh boy was I wrong.
The truth was that my grandmother died. Sometime today she had a heart attack. The doctors tried to work on her, but she was gone.
The first thing I asked was how my dad was. My mom said that he was doing well, and even after talking to him I could tell he was. He's a strong guy, I guess I get my hardened exterior from him. He told me not to worry, that she was in a better place and that she hasn't been healthy for a long time. Which is true, she had been sick for a long time.
It hasn't hit me yet that in 9 days I won't see my grandmother on Christmas. It also hasn't hit me that she's really gone forever.
The funny thing is that my grandmother recently created a Facebook and added me as a friend, the horrrible thing is that I never responded to her friend request. How selfish am I? A person I love, I can't even accept her friend request on Facebook. I want to go on and accept it now. But is it too little too late? How could I be that selfish? It makes me sick.
I hope that Grammy realizes that I love her. No matter what joking my dad and I do about her we both love her. Now I'm hoping I make it back in time for her funeral. The horrible thing is that I know when i look into the casket the face I see won't seem like the one I'm used to. She'll be all done up and that wasn't Grammy. She was never done up. She was full of life. She made bad decisions, drank herself into oblivion, and led an unhealthy life. But that's what she did. That was her. She loved her family to death.
I'm gonna miss my grandmother. When it hits me, there will be crying, lots of crying. But I'll be okay. I always am.
NP: Cancer- My Chemical Romance
No comments:
Post a Comment