grad party season

This season most definitely is grad party season. Every Saturday and Sunday I don't worry about what's for lunch or dinner, I'm quite sure that I'll be able to wander to a grad party somewhere and get some free food. 

Today alone I went to three parties : Josi's, Frankowski's, and Jaclyn's. 

I have another three to go to tomorrow which is exciting. It's good seeing everybody, but it's great because you choose who you see. 

On a separate note I walked home from Jaclyn's tonight and I remembered how much I like walking. Next year is looking sweeter everyday. New York City is a walker's paradise and I'll have the city at my feet. From blacktop to grass you can find it all to walk on. I cannot wait. 

Everyday I'm becoming more confused about how I feel. I'm noticing that certain relationships in my life aren't quite what they seemed. I have a feeling that sometimes I prioritize things that shouldn't be priorities. Maybe I need to reevaluate where I place value. Some people have other priorities that don't include me, which is fine, I just need to know where to align my priorities. (Levi and I had a good talk about this today.)

I can never help but ask myself how people feel about me. I always struggle to find where I am.

Just when I seem to figure out where I am with certain people something comes up and I question it. I guess part of the problem is the thought that things might not ever be the same. 

We've graduated and now we go our separate ways. Things will be different. 

Again, it's about who you associate yourself with. I just shake my head at some things I see on a daily basis. I'm just not one who searches for impersonal relationships. I'd rather text one person everyday than get fifteen girls texting me. There's nothing sincere about that. 

Of course most people I know wouldn't understand the concept of being sincere.

Being genuine and sincere would strike a lot of people like the plague if they tried it. I fear that they would actually become violently ill if it were to happen.  

I'm in quite the pessimistic mood and I apologize for that. I'm just having a tough time accepting how terribly base people are. I don't mean to come across as dejected, really I don't, I'm very happy. Just also very confused. Confused as to how people can be so needy. How people can thrive off of attention. How people thrive off of negative attention. It's all just mind boggling to me. 

Also I noticed something strange I do. I attach certain songs to certain people and when I listen to that song it makes me think of them. I've been skipping certain songs more and more when they come on shuffle. But I always stop and listen to Maroon 5. I like thinking about them. 

NP: Of The Soul- Mac Miller