how am I feeling?

I have no idea. I feel guilty when I haven't done anything to feel guilty about. I feel like I'm so full of hate. I feel like I've become arrogant. What makes me think I'm any better than these kids I claim to be better than? How am I any different? How am I any better?

Why is it that I despise when people don't agree with me? Why do I always seem to disagree with everyone?

How can people see good in the people I've come to despise?

"Oh I like most of them."

Well I hate them.

I could go on for days talking about what I dislike in people. And I'm sure one of you would say, "Why can't you just look for the good in them?"

Well I can't look for it because I don't have the time. If someone comes across as a piece of crap to me, I'm not going to waste my time searching for a speck of good in them. Sorry, but I don't want to waste my time doing that.

And that right there is what I don't get. Why am I so pessimistic about finding good in people?

I guess I hate what I don't understand. And what I don't understand is almost everything. Everyone around me confuses me. Worst of all I'm not sure I know myself right now.

I feel misunderstood. I feel like nobody knows me and that nobody ever will.

I just want to know who is going to save me when I fall. Sooner or later we all fall, I just don't know who's going to catch me.

I wish I could explain to you all how I feel right now. I feel lost. Maybe it's just been a long day or maybe this has been building up for a while.

I have a feeling that sometime soon everything I've been holding back is going to come out. To everyone. I'm really unsure of what's coming. I'm unsure of most things. I'm unsure as to why I'm going to post this depressing blog. I feel like I have to. Because this blog is going to serve as a memory later on. I want this to be a book. I want to turn this blog into a book. A book for everyone to read, to see what life is like for the average sober high school senior. I'm not sure people will understand it. But if they do, they'll understand this blog as a bad day. As a down point in a good life. As a chapter that brings you down. Luckily, the only thing I'm certain about is that the sun will rise tomorrow. That means enlightenment, and a new day.