Raging

A few nights ago I realized why I hate drinking so much.

I don't even have to be around the drinking, just knowing about it scares me.

It makes me so mad because I'm afraid of losing people close to me.

All my experiences with loved ones and alcohol are experiences where I lost someone.

My Dad.

Grammy.

A four year relationship.

And now, when I see someone close to me drinking, I assume the worst.

It's got to the point where my entire body is shaking uncontrollably. I can't even sit still. I have to get up and clean or do some sort of workout because if I didn't I will break my hand off of something.

Raging is scary. I can't handle it. And all this made me realize was that I'm not as strong as I thought I was...

That's tough for me to say. I'm not as strong as I once thought.

I'm strong in the sense of holding true to my values, but I'm weak in dealing with certain situations that come along. I realized that I'd hold true to my values even if I wanted to do something that was against them.

College is going to be interesting when I'm surrounded by drinking. I'm afraid I just won't fit in very well.

Oh well.

Later twitches.

NP: Get Buck In Here