I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning and went down to the city to watch the sunrise. It was something spontaneous and I loved it. Sitting on the Clemente Bridge just talking with a good friend put me in a great mood. The gas station coffee wasn't exactly a mood brightener, but it did keep me awake for the drive down there so it was worth it.
After about an hour and a half down there watching the sunrise we headed home. I dropped Mara off and I left Westbury. I came to the exit of Westbury and sat there for a whole minute deciding whether I was going to go straight home or if I was going to go to Nan's grave. I decided to go see my grandma.
At Nan's grave I did some serious thinking about some different things. The next couple ideas are ones I thought of while talking aloud to myself at Nan's grave or when I was downtown with Mara this morning.
The first thought was this, would Nan be proud of me? I think she would. I think she would want me to be happy. I truly think that is all she would want from me. I then thought of this. When so many people want us to be happy why is it that often times the only person preventing us from being happy is us?
Is it because we like a challenge?
Is it because we want to bring ourselves down just to see if we can pick ourselves back up?
Or is it because some people enjoy the empathy associated with being sad?
I really don't know the answer to that question.
My second thought was actually more of a statement that I made today.
I said, "You have to find the people worth wasting your time on, soon enough you'll realize it wasn't a waste of time. It was actually time well spent."
That's the thing about wasting time, you don't know you're doing it until it's already done. Time well spent is the same way, you don't know what the time was worth until you reflect on it afterwards.
"Sunrise is the most optimistic thing in the world because it's the only thing that is guaranteed."
-Me
NP: No Church In The Wild- Jay-Z and Kanye West ft. Frank Ocean
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