I left some people hanging last night by not blogging. I don't know why I didn't, I was just in a weird mood. Tonight is a new night though and I feel great. I'm beginning to believe that everything happens for a reason and if things are meant to be they will work themselves out.
I recently found Pandora and I'm in love. I blast The Fray most days, and I sprinkle in some others like Maroon 5 and Matchbox Twenty. I love music and I love how it can adapt to meet my mood.Pandora is slowly becoming my most used app. I feel like a thief because this incredible thing is FREE!?!? Awesome. Team iPhone and all that shit.
I've noticed that I have pretty much fallen behind in English. I have a ton to do for both my senior project and for 1000 Splendid Suns. Neither of which really appeal to me. The new Econ is killing me too.
Levi's blog from yesterday was one of the best I've read in a long time. I love seeing how brutally honest someone can be on this. How they open up the way he did. It was truly touching to read all the great things he said about me and the people i roll with.
Speaking of that crew; Ty, Dave, and I are really considering getting tattoos. Something meaningful for us guys since we're such good friends. A physical reminder of each other. Showing that we're there for each other, no matter how far away we might be.. Dave had an amazing idea for one. It stems from a chant that Liverpool fans do at soccer games. You can watch the video, it's pretty powerful. Tens of thousands of people chanting together, "You'll never walk alone." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SArLJdrVF_4
The three of us definitely want it to say that, we just aren't sure where to get it. Ty is considering his forearm, I'm not sure about Dave, but I am really considering along my collarbone. I've thought about my wrists, but I have those reserved for when my Pap dies. One for him and Nan. I think "You'll never walk alone," on my collarbone would be pretty sick. That's a tattoo I would still appreciate when I'm older. It'll remind me of those guys. Of course we'll still be friends at that time, but that's not the point.
I'm excited because my mom was actually pretty receptive of the whole thing and I think she'll let me do it. Probably gonna have to wait until April 5th but that's okay with me.
I'm pretty worry free right now except about senior trip...that's my only real worry.
I won't let that bring me down though. I have great news! I have a prom date. Somehow I ended up getting the lovely Jordan Deigan to go to prom with me. I'm not sure if it was my first-class charisma or just my dazzling good looks, but either way I have a date. Little Jennifer was almost as excited as me to hear that Jordan said yes. Personally I think Jen's just interested in going dress shopping. Either way it's pretty cool. Now I just need to slim down so I can fit into a decent looking dress... shouldn't be too hard.
The other great news is that I am heading to New York this Saturday. I'm not sure if the Graz is coming with me or not because of his gay wisdom teeth. I hope he can come, but if he doesn't I'm selling my other ticket. The bidding will start at 50 dollars. Yes the ticket was only 25 to start but the fact that I am accompanying you doubles the price instantly. I can't wait to see Jarrett and John.
Don't get it confused though, my prom date outweighs any trip to New York.
goodnight guys. this is the first time I went to bed before 12 in quite some time.
NP: Won't Go Home Without You- Maroon 5
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Foosball and A Long Talk
Tonight was the last football banquet. Make it number three for me. I went into the night dreading it thinking it was going to be a bring 5 hour ordeal, it turned out it was only slightly boring and only 4 hours.
My day leading up to the banquet was extremely hectic. I spent 3 hours cleaning my room and rearranging it. I threw out 20 shoe boxes that had been living in my closet. It's amazing how much room is actually in that sucker.
To the real part of the night though, the banquet. The banquet was good. I know I said it was boring because it was. But boring can be good. I feel like this is going to turn into a stream of consciousness blog so here goes.
I was sitting at the senior table thinking the whole time what football did for me. It did a ton. It made me a part of something bigger than myself, something baseball and soccer never really did. I can say I'm not best friends with anybody on the football team, but the bonds on that team are special. Special in a different way than the soccer team. Those guys are like blood brothers and the football team are almost adopted. Coach Palko gave me the award for the "smartest soccer player ever to play football" and that really is what I was. 80% of the coaching staff didn't really know me and didn't really have an impact on my play. But I learned from each and every one of them.
As for my role on the team I felt like I played my part well. I was the "foot fairy" that those 90 other guys trusted to put the ball through the uprights. They trusted me with something none of them could do. Sure, they thought they could, but they all suck at kicking. They heckled me throughout the year for missing extra points and field goals and they said, "that's your only job how'd you screw it up." I know they were kidding around, well I think they were. Kicking is honestly the most stressful thing I have put myself through. No matter how many balls I kick in practice when game time comes there are so many factors that play into a kick going well. The wind, the snap, the hold, the blocking, and then most importantly. Me.
That's what I loved about kicking was that I had the ultimate say in where the ball went. Aside from Coach Smiley deciding where a punt was supposed to go or where a kickoff was headed it was up to me to do it. I put everything i had into kicking these last 3 years and I like to think that I helped the team out and make my parents proud.
I gave a speech at the banquet like all the seniors did, but after the speech Mr. Marshall told me that I might want to reconsider accounting and go into politics. That was cool to hear because I don't consider myself to be a great speaker. I think writing is my forte. But speaking and writing tend to go hand in hand and I guess maybe my public speaking skills are growing. (See Mr. Denk you are teaching us.)
While on the topic of Mr. Denk I'd just like to thank you. For everything. For getting me into blogging, for teaching me about it, for commenting on my blog, for making me laugh, but more than any of that thank you for giving me someone to look up to. At 30-however old you are I can say that I truly look up to you. I was discussing you with someone tonight and we both came to the conclusion that you are a genuinely good person. You've showed me so much in the first two nine weeks that I've had you and I can't thank you enough. You really understand me and that's something very few people do. The other day in class you told me you thought I was going to be successful. That is the greatest honor in the world. Success is such a beautiful thing; and to hear you, a man I respect so much, say you thought I'd be successful. It was a moment where I felt untouchable. I feel truly blessed to have you as my teacher this year, and I hope that one day down the road I can look back and call you a friend. Because you are just an amazing, amazing person who has touched my life.
(Hopefully you read this, or else it will be pretty awkward...just saying...)
After the banquet I came home and ended up in a long conversation on the phone. I talked for over two hours and never once felt bored or wanted to say goodbye. It was a good talk that spanned too many topics to name. But the overall theme was life. Life in general. People in life, things in life, and just life. Life Life Life. I haven't talked on the phone with someone for that long in what seems like ages. It was nice to do. I had a good time and was glad to hear it could brighten their day as well.
This has been going on long enough and I have grown tired. But I figure I would give you an update...
PROM UPDATE: STILL DATELESS. (Shockingly Hayden Panettiere hasn't asked me to prom or for my hand in marriage. I'm starting to think I'll have to explore other options...)
NP: Hometown Glory- Adele
My day leading up to the banquet was extremely hectic. I spent 3 hours cleaning my room and rearranging it. I threw out 20 shoe boxes that had been living in my closet. It's amazing how much room is actually in that sucker.
To the real part of the night though, the banquet. The banquet was good. I know I said it was boring because it was. But boring can be good. I feel like this is going to turn into a stream of consciousness blog so here goes.
I was sitting at the senior table thinking the whole time what football did for me. It did a ton. It made me a part of something bigger than myself, something baseball and soccer never really did. I can say I'm not best friends with anybody on the football team, but the bonds on that team are special. Special in a different way than the soccer team. Those guys are like blood brothers and the football team are almost adopted. Coach Palko gave me the award for the "smartest soccer player ever to play football" and that really is what I was. 80% of the coaching staff didn't really know me and didn't really have an impact on my play. But I learned from each and every one of them.
As for my role on the team I felt like I played my part well. I was the "foot fairy" that those 90 other guys trusted to put the ball through the uprights. They trusted me with something none of them could do. Sure, they thought they could, but they all suck at kicking. They heckled me throughout the year for missing extra points and field goals and they said, "that's your only job how'd you screw it up." I know they were kidding around, well I think they were. Kicking is honestly the most stressful thing I have put myself through. No matter how many balls I kick in practice when game time comes there are so many factors that play into a kick going well. The wind, the snap, the hold, the blocking, and then most importantly. Me.
That's what I loved about kicking was that I had the ultimate say in where the ball went. Aside from Coach Smiley deciding where a punt was supposed to go or where a kickoff was headed it was up to me to do it. I put everything i had into kicking these last 3 years and I like to think that I helped the team out and make my parents proud.
I gave a speech at the banquet like all the seniors did, but after the speech Mr. Marshall told me that I might want to reconsider accounting and go into politics. That was cool to hear because I don't consider myself to be a great speaker. I think writing is my forte. But speaking and writing tend to go hand in hand and I guess maybe my public speaking skills are growing. (See Mr. Denk you are teaching us.)
While on the topic of Mr. Denk I'd just like to thank you. For everything. For getting me into blogging, for teaching me about it, for commenting on my blog, for making me laugh, but more than any of that thank you for giving me someone to look up to. At 30-however old you are I can say that I truly look up to you. I was discussing you with someone tonight and we both came to the conclusion that you are a genuinely good person. You've showed me so much in the first two nine weeks that I've had you and I can't thank you enough. You really understand me and that's something very few people do. The other day in class you told me you thought I was going to be successful. That is the greatest honor in the world. Success is such a beautiful thing; and to hear you, a man I respect so much, say you thought I'd be successful. It was a moment where I felt untouchable. I feel truly blessed to have you as my teacher this year, and I hope that one day down the road I can look back and call you a friend. Because you are just an amazing, amazing person who has touched my life.
(Hopefully you read this, or else it will be pretty awkward...just saying...)
After the banquet I came home and ended up in a long conversation on the phone. I talked for over two hours and never once felt bored or wanted to say goodbye. It was a good talk that spanned too many topics to name. But the overall theme was life. Life in general. People in life, things in life, and just life. Life Life Life. I haven't talked on the phone with someone for that long in what seems like ages. It was nice to do. I had a good time and was glad to hear it could brighten their day as well.
This has been going on long enough and I have grown tired. But I figure I would give you an update...
PROM UPDATE: STILL DATELESS. (Shockingly Hayden Panettiere hasn't asked me to prom or for my hand in marriage. I'm starting to think I'll have to explore other options...)
NP: Hometown Glory- Adele
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Wow
Well I have a lot to say in this blog so if you're starting to read now, go grab yourself some popcorn and a drink because you'll be here for a while. I missed my blog last night so now I have some serious thoughts to get out.
First off, I was encouraged to watch Joe Paterno's memorial service on Youtube by someone very dear to me. I probably come across as a "Penn State Hater" because I tend to call it things like The Cult or Cult State University.
My view of it as a cult only applies to those feeble minded alumnus who said they won't support the school anymore because they hired a non-Stater as their new head coach. To me that is asinine. After what happened with the program this year they needed to bring in an outsider. Tom Bradley deserved a spot on the new coaching staff, but I see why he didn't get one.
As a whole Penn State is a great university. I've been told you wouldn't understand it unless you had Penn State blood in you. And I don't have any Penn State blood in me. Everyone in my family has gone to Pitt. We're a panther family through and through. But I can tell that Pitt doesn't give nearly the same sense of belonging and family that Penn State does. None of my relatives who went to Pitt are still actively involved there and for the most part they don't have any school spirit.
Penn State just isn't my cup of tea though.
I realize that what I'm about to say is a broad generalization, but it's my opinion and this blog is about what I think. So here goes.
I don't think I would fit in at Penn State. To me, Penn State is a university built on being a part of something bigger. It is a huge family. I don't need another family. That isn't what I want out of college. I want a place where I'm going to grow as a person and where I can be an individual and not be swallowed up as a part of the whole. I've been to Penn State once, for the blue-white spring game two years ago. I had a great time tailgating and sitting watching the game. I just don't see myself as 1 out of another 39,000 undergrads. I'm sure at Penn State you can be an individual, in fact I know you can be. But I wouldn't fit in there. It may be Happy Valley, but I don't think I'd be very happy in that valley. I think I'd be much happier waking up with New York City as my campus. At Fordham i would be 1 out of 9,000 undergrads and at St. John's 1 out of 15,000. I feel that I would fit in better in New York.
I don't mean for that to bash Penn State at all. My cousin Andy goes to Penn State and he absolutely loves it. But me and Andy are polar opposites of each other. I'm sure Penn State has kids like me, hell they might have 5,000 guys like me. But I like to think none of them are the same as me. And I don't think a single person will ever understand why I don't buy into Penn State.
Yes they have great alumni connections and yes you can show up to any game at Beaver Stadium and be greeted by 100,000 other Nittany Lion fans. That isn't what I'm looking for though.
The video I mentioned before wasn't about Penn State though, It was about Joe Pa. I'll leave the link for you so you can watch it if you haven't already seen it and then I'll leave my comments on it after.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIXCvTH8844
Jay Paterno starts off by saying he is proud to look at his driver's license and see the same name his father had. That's special. To feel that strongly about your father and the name he has created for himself, it's evident that Joe Paterno was something special. Not just to the football players either. He impacted an entire school for more than 40 years.
He goes on to mention a story from when Joe was in college and he took a stand against a fellow fraternity brother who was denying admittance to a Jewish student. Joe took the blame for placing the black ball in the ballot box and covered up for the real black baller. That's something that speaks volumes to me. the fact that he was willing to come across as the bad guy so that someone else wouldn't have to own up to what they had done. Joe Paterno was special at an early age, that much is evident.
The next story came from Joe's high school years. Even in high school Joe Paterno had as Jay put it, "Belief in excellence over success, excellence defined internally, success externally." I believe in that statement wholeheartedly. If you feel as though you've won, then that really is all that matters. The quote by John Adams that followed was a great quote as well.
"No matter how high, or low my estimation in the eyes of the world. My conscience is clear."
-John Adams
Jay says Joe never sought celebrity, and that fame was accidental. I believe that 100%. Joe Paterno seemed to be a humble man. He was a man who saw that he could make a difference and he did.
I got teary eyed towards the end of the video listening to all the people thank Jay and his brother.he stories they shared with him were touching.
This video showed me, a non-Stater, just how great a man Joe Paterno was.
He was a father, a coach, a husband, a grandfather, a philanthropist, a figurehead, a Bear, a Nittany Lion, a loving man, but in the end he was just a man. A man who in his 85 years affected countless lives. He made the type of impact I would like to make someday. Sadly there will be a shadow cast on his legacy due to the actions of another man. And looking back there might have been more Joe pa could have done. But for every person who chooses to remember him for that, there are many, many more who remember him for the great things he did. We're only human after all, and our flaws come out eventually. Unfortunately being the figurehead he was, Joe's flaws are magnified and he was vilified. Joe Paterno is no villain though. He was, and will always be, one of the most influential people ever.
This blog is quite long, but I hope I got my point across on how I feel about Joe Paterno and Penn State. I respect Joe Paterno so much, and hope to one day make an impact like he did. And as for Penn State, it's a great place to go to school. A great place to learn, and a great place to spend 4 years making memories.
Back to the topic of prom for a second though, I'm lost. Dave has a date, Ty knows who he's going to ask, and I think I know who Jared's going to ask. I'm still clueless as to who I'm gonna ask though. I'm sure it'll work its way out. I have 3 months to find a date... okay less than that because soon the number of available dates will be severely reduced. I'm not worried though...trust me I'm not...I'm really not...
I know of one mother who wants me to take her daughter to prom... just kidding that's like something out of an 80's film...or is it?
Wow I've be at this way too long.
Hope you enjoy.
NP: The Motto- Drake
First off, I was encouraged to watch Joe Paterno's memorial service on Youtube by someone very dear to me. I probably come across as a "Penn State Hater" because I tend to call it things like The Cult or Cult State University.
My view of it as a cult only applies to those feeble minded alumnus who said they won't support the school anymore because they hired a non-Stater as their new head coach. To me that is asinine. After what happened with the program this year they needed to bring in an outsider. Tom Bradley deserved a spot on the new coaching staff, but I see why he didn't get one.
As a whole Penn State is a great university. I've been told you wouldn't understand it unless you had Penn State blood in you. And I don't have any Penn State blood in me. Everyone in my family has gone to Pitt. We're a panther family through and through. But I can tell that Pitt doesn't give nearly the same sense of belonging and family that Penn State does. None of my relatives who went to Pitt are still actively involved there and for the most part they don't have any school spirit.
Penn State just isn't my cup of tea though.
I realize that what I'm about to say is a broad generalization, but it's my opinion and this blog is about what I think. So here goes.
I don't think I would fit in at Penn State. To me, Penn State is a university built on being a part of something bigger. It is a huge family. I don't need another family. That isn't what I want out of college. I want a place where I'm going to grow as a person and where I can be an individual and not be swallowed up as a part of the whole. I've been to Penn State once, for the blue-white spring game two years ago. I had a great time tailgating and sitting watching the game. I just don't see myself as 1 out of another 39,000 undergrads. I'm sure at Penn State you can be an individual, in fact I know you can be. But I wouldn't fit in there. It may be Happy Valley, but I don't think I'd be very happy in that valley. I think I'd be much happier waking up with New York City as my campus. At Fordham i would be 1 out of 9,000 undergrads and at St. John's 1 out of 15,000. I feel that I would fit in better in New York.
I don't mean for that to bash Penn State at all. My cousin Andy goes to Penn State and he absolutely loves it. But me and Andy are polar opposites of each other. I'm sure Penn State has kids like me, hell they might have 5,000 guys like me. But I like to think none of them are the same as me. And I don't think a single person will ever understand why I don't buy into Penn State.
Yes they have great alumni connections and yes you can show up to any game at Beaver Stadium and be greeted by 100,000 other Nittany Lion fans. That isn't what I'm looking for though.
The video I mentioned before wasn't about Penn State though, It was about Joe Pa. I'll leave the link for you so you can watch it if you haven't already seen it and then I'll leave my comments on it after.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIXCvTH8844
Jay Paterno starts off by saying he is proud to look at his driver's license and see the same name his father had. That's special. To feel that strongly about your father and the name he has created for himself, it's evident that Joe Paterno was something special. Not just to the football players either. He impacted an entire school for more than 40 years.
He goes on to mention a story from when Joe was in college and he took a stand against a fellow fraternity brother who was denying admittance to a Jewish student. Joe took the blame for placing the black ball in the ballot box and covered up for the real black baller. That's something that speaks volumes to me. the fact that he was willing to come across as the bad guy so that someone else wouldn't have to own up to what they had done. Joe Paterno was special at an early age, that much is evident.
The next story came from Joe's high school years. Even in high school Joe Paterno had as Jay put it, "Belief in excellence over success, excellence defined internally, success externally." I believe in that statement wholeheartedly. If you feel as though you've won, then that really is all that matters. The quote by John Adams that followed was a great quote as well.
"No matter how high, or low my estimation in the eyes of the world. My conscience is clear."
-John Adams
Jay says Joe never sought celebrity, and that fame was accidental. I believe that 100%. Joe Paterno seemed to be a humble man. He was a man who saw that he could make a difference and he did.
I got teary eyed towards the end of the video listening to all the people thank Jay and his brother.he stories they shared with him were touching.
This video showed me, a non-Stater, just how great a man Joe Paterno was.
He was a father, a coach, a husband, a grandfather, a philanthropist, a figurehead, a Bear, a Nittany Lion, a loving man, but in the end he was just a man. A man who in his 85 years affected countless lives. He made the type of impact I would like to make someday. Sadly there will be a shadow cast on his legacy due to the actions of another man. And looking back there might have been more Joe pa could have done. But for every person who chooses to remember him for that, there are many, many more who remember him for the great things he did. We're only human after all, and our flaws come out eventually. Unfortunately being the figurehead he was, Joe's flaws are magnified and he was vilified. Joe Paterno is no villain though. He was, and will always be, one of the most influential people ever.
This blog is quite long, but I hope I got my point across on how I feel about Joe Paterno and Penn State. I respect Joe Paterno so much, and hope to one day make an impact like he did. And as for Penn State, it's a great place to go to school. A great place to learn, and a great place to spend 4 years making memories.
Back to the topic of prom for a second though, I'm lost. Dave has a date, Ty knows who he's going to ask, and I think I know who Jared's going to ask. I'm still clueless as to who I'm gonna ask though. I'm sure it'll work its way out. I have 3 months to find a date... okay less than that because soon the number of available dates will be severely reduced. I'm not worried though...trust me I'm not...I'm really not...
I know of one mother who wants me to take her daughter to prom... just kidding that's like something out of an 80's film...or is it?
Wow I've be at this way too long.
Hope you enjoy.
NP: The Motto- Drake
Thursday, January 26, 2012
More College
Today i had to call back two college coaches and talk to them. The coach from Allegheny, Coach Jones, answered and Coach Meyer from St. Vincent didn't. I told Coach Jones that I wasn't sure whether i wanted to play football or not and he talked me into possibly coming up for a visit. I think I'm just going to call him back and say thanks but no thanks. I told the same thing to Coach Meyer in the voicemail I left for him.
I have a tough time telling someone I'm not interested in their school. I just can't flat out say no. I guess that's one flaw of mine...
As much as I'd love to play football in college, the schools I can play at aren't the caliber school I'm looking for. Even though St. John's isn't an amazing school I feel it's better than Juniata, Saint Vincent, or W and J. Aside from the academic standing I just don't see myself in Latrobe or Meadville for the next 4 years of my life.
If I get into Fordham I'll consider walking on and trying out for a spot. Just something to attempt to do to keep myself busy. If I don't get in there, and I don't try to walk on then I see myself becoming an intramural sports star. Maybe some ultimate frisbee? Some ping pong? Dodgeball? The possibilities are endless really.
Today I looked at St. John's for the first time on the internet and unless the virtual tour is extremely misleading I feel like I would love it there. It looked like a comfortable campus with decent dorm rooms. I could definitely see myself as a Red Flash next year. That is, of course, only if I'm not a Ram.
The Bronx>Queens.
I still have three coaches left to call back... poop.
Just another thought, it might only be the end of January, but it seems like prom isn't that far away....kinda need to get on that. Oh well, worst comes to worst I go alone.
NP: Hey Ma- Cam'ron
I have a tough time telling someone I'm not interested in their school. I just can't flat out say no. I guess that's one flaw of mine...
As much as I'd love to play football in college, the schools I can play at aren't the caliber school I'm looking for. Even though St. John's isn't an amazing school I feel it's better than Juniata, Saint Vincent, or W and J. Aside from the academic standing I just don't see myself in Latrobe or Meadville for the next 4 years of my life.
If I get into Fordham I'll consider walking on and trying out for a spot. Just something to attempt to do to keep myself busy. If I don't get in there, and I don't try to walk on then I see myself becoming an intramural sports star. Maybe some ultimate frisbee? Some ping pong? Dodgeball? The possibilities are endless really.
Today I looked at St. John's for the first time on the internet and unless the virtual tour is extremely misleading I feel like I would love it there. It looked like a comfortable campus with decent dorm rooms. I could definitely see myself as a Red Flash next year. That is, of course, only if I'm not a Ram.
The Bronx>Queens.
I still have three coaches left to call back... poop.
Just another thought, it might only be the end of January, but it seems like prom isn't that far away....kinda need to get on that. Oh well, worst comes to worst I go alone.
NP: Hey Ma- Cam'ron
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Driver's Ed Blog Swag
Drivers ed has commenced and it is just as boring as ever. Today wasn't such a bad day though.
School went by pretty quick until after lunch. 7th period seemed to drag on forever. Public speaking always drag on, but study hall wasn't too bad since we played bingo most of the time.
After school I got another good workout in and went over to Graz's to watch Barcelona vs Real Madrid. Barcelona tied but won on aggregate and it was a pretty good game. Like always we had a good time and some good laughs.
I kept thinking all day though. I thought about the future. From tomorrow to next year to ten years from now. I wondered what I'm going to do with my day off tomorrow and I wondered what college I'll be at next year and I wondered where I'll be and what I'll be doing ten years from now.
The thing I decided about all three
Is that I hope I'm happy wherever I am. Whether its tomorrow being at the hockey game, or next year being at St. Johns or Drexel, or ten years from now working as an accountant in NYC. I want to be happy.
I hope next year to be at Fordham in the Bronx studying both accounting and journalism.
Ten years from now I hope to be settled down in a comfortable career with a family. The career can be either accounting or some sort of journalism, hopefully investigative journalism. I want desperately to write and make a living doing so. Where I live depends. I love Pittsburgh, but I love New York so much. I also like the beach, so Hilton Head Island would be a perfect fit. Wherever I live I want my family to be with me. A wife and two or three kids sounds okay to me.
But who am I kidding? Life is too unpredictable to anticipate where I'll be ten years from now.
Happiness is the key though. What makes you happy can vary from day to day. Sometimes happiness can be found in the least likely of places. Sometimes it's right next to you. Keep your eyes open, or you might just miss out.
Now I must focus my attention back to driver brown...
NP: Happiness- The Fray
School went by pretty quick until after lunch. 7th period seemed to drag on forever. Public speaking always drag on, but study hall wasn't too bad since we played bingo most of the time.
After school I got another good workout in and went over to Graz's to watch Barcelona vs Real Madrid. Barcelona tied but won on aggregate and it was a pretty good game. Like always we had a good time and some good laughs.
I kept thinking all day though. I thought about the future. From tomorrow to next year to ten years from now. I wondered what I'm going to do with my day off tomorrow and I wondered what college I'll be at next year and I wondered where I'll be and what I'll be doing ten years from now.
The thing I decided about all three
Is that I hope I'm happy wherever I am. Whether its tomorrow being at the hockey game, or next year being at St. Johns or Drexel, or ten years from now working as an accountant in NYC. I want to be happy.
I hope next year to be at Fordham in the Bronx studying both accounting and journalism.
Ten years from now I hope to be settled down in a comfortable career with a family. The career can be either accounting or some sort of journalism, hopefully investigative journalism. I want desperately to write and make a living doing so. Where I live depends. I love Pittsburgh, but I love New York so much. I also like the beach, so Hilton Head Island would be a perfect fit. Wherever I live I want my family to be with me. A wife and two or three kids sounds okay to me.
But who am I kidding? Life is too unpredictable to anticipate where I'll be ten years from now.
Happiness is the key though. What makes you happy can vary from day to day. Sometimes happiness can be found in the least likely of places. Sometimes it's right next to you. Keep your eyes open, or you might just miss out.
Now I must focus my attention back to driver brown...
NP: Happiness- The Fray
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
76th blog...doesn't seem as cool
So maybe 76 isn't a milestone like 75 but it still means something. If to no one else then to me. But I'm sure it means something to someone else. I'm sure of that.
Today was a bowl. That was so lame, but I went bowling today so I'm going to go with it! I got to miss school to bowl with some of my bffs. Others were sell outs and went to bowl with other people. And others didn't turn in their papers.
Bowling was fun but 3 and a half hours can get a bit monotonous. I kept thinking about things at the alley. I checked twitter every 5 minutes and one tweet kept coming back up. Sometimes something will remind you of a person or of something, but then there are days that everything reminds you of that something. Today was one of those days.
After bowling I came back to school and sat alone in study hall. Just me and my thoughts. And then after school I went on the monster and did some core which felt really good.
Then I was forced into working. Obviously Tim had a gut feeling we'd be busy and boy oh boy was he wrong. We were as slow as ever. But I figure any money is better than no money. Plus I'm still on the clock and I'm doing what I love, I'm blogging, so I can't complain too much. Plus work was fun tonight, Jen and I just screwed around in the front.
I'll probably head home soon. I'll attempt to do my dialectic journals, but I'll more than likely fail. That's a failure I'm perfectly okay with. The other loss is still stinging.
Day 1:Bad
NP: I Miss You- Blink 182
Today was a bowl. That was so lame, but I went bowling today so I'm going to go with it! I got to miss school to bowl with some of my bffs. Others were sell outs and went to bowl with other people. And others didn't turn in their papers.
Bowling was fun but 3 and a half hours can get a bit monotonous. I kept thinking about things at the alley. I checked twitter every 5 minutes and one tweet kept coming back up. Sometimes something will remind you of a person or of something, but then there are days that everything reminds you of that something. Today was one of those days.
After bowling I came back to school and sat alone in study hall. Just me and my thoughts. And then after school I went on the monster and did some core which felt really good.
Then I was forced into working. Obviously Tim had a gut feeling we'd be busy and boy oh boy was he wrong. We were as slow as ever. But I figure any money is better than no money. Plus I'm still on the clock and I'm doing what I love, I'm blogging, so I can't complain too much. Plus work was fun tonight, Jen and I just screwed around in the front.
I'll probably head home soon. I'll attempt to do my dialectic journals, but I'll more than likely fail. That's a failure I'm perfectly okay with. The other loss is still stinging.
Day 1:Bad
NP: I Miss You- Blink 182
Monday, January 23, 2012
75th Blog
Well today was just that kind of day. I had driver's ed and baseball and school was not great. I missed conditioning at baseball which I was looking forward to. After a day like today I wanted to push my body to it's limits. I didn't get that chance sadly.
1000 Splendid Suns will go down as the book I hate the most. Not only because Hosseini has totally screwed with my emotions that were barely in the book to begin with, but for other reasons as well.
Yesterday's blog was about fighting for what you wanted and never giving up and sadly today's is nothing like that. Today's is something much more humbling. Accepting defeat.
Sometimes life just isn't fair. And even after you've laid it all on the line, you lose. You come up a bit short. Sometimes your best is good enough, but the circumstances just aren't right. I've realized that the "hard way." The thing is I am usually such a sore loser, but with age I've realized that when you've done your best you can't be upset with defeat. If I go out and put myself out there, be the most passionate I can be, and love what I'm chasing then losing doesn't matter. I've chased, and I've fought, and I've stumbled many a time. But I have never been as amazed as I am right now. When you do everything right , you naturally expect to get what you want, but you aren't guaranteed anything in life. You aren't granted anything. You need to take every day as it comes, embrace it for what it is. What it is is a chance. A chance for self betterment.
You always hear about "The agony of defeat" but why does it have to be agony? Sure losing sucks. Nobody likes losing, but agony is a bit exaggerated. You might cry after you lose, hell I know I have, and that's okay. If it didn't hurt than it didn't mean enough to you and you shouldn't have been fighting for it in the first place.
One thing I have really picked up on in my 17 years of life its the power of love. Love is seriously the greatest thing in the world. Whether it's love for a family member, a friend, or a significant other; love is truly the most powerful emotion. Whether the love has been there for a decade or for a couple weeks love is love. Don't fear it, thrive on it. Tell the people that you love, "I love you." You're never too old or too cool for that. Never. And don't assume they know you do. Tell them. Tell them as often as you can. Go out of your way to tell them. But never say you love someone unless you really, truly do. Falsifying love is the worst crime you can commit.
Final thought for the night I promise. Never be afraid to act on a whim. Never be afraid to take a chance on something. If the life you know becomes humdrum or you feel like you're waiting on something or someone it's time to make a change. Go out of your comfort zone and risk it all. You might get burned, but chances are if you put your trust in someone who cares about you. You'll be alright. You might even be surprised as to what you find.
I love you guys. All of you. I want you to know that. Whether you're 17 years old reading this or 50 years old, I love you.
NP: How to Save a Life- The Fray
1000 Splendid Suns will go down as the book I hate the most. Not only because Hosseini has totally screwed with my emotions that were barely in the book to begin with, but for other reasons as well.
Yesterday's blog was about fighting for what you wanted and never giving up and sadly today's is nothing like that. Today's is something much more humbling. Accepting defeat.
Sometimes life just isn't fair. And even after you've laid it all on the line, you lose. You come up a bit short. Sometimes your best is good enough, but the circumstances just aren't right. I've realized that the "hard way." The thing is I am usually such a sore loser, but with age I've realized that when you've done your best you can't be upset with defeat. If I go out and put myself out there, be the most passionate I can be, and love what I'm chasing then losing doesn't matter. I've chased, and I've fought, and I've stumbled many a time. But I have never been as amazed as I am right now. When you do everything right , you naturally expect to get what you want, but you aren't guaranteed anything in life. You aren't granted anything. You need to take every day as it comes, embrace it for what it is. What it is is a chance. A chance for self betterment.
You always hear about "The agony of defeat" but why does it have to be agony? Sure losing sucks. Nobody likes losing, but agony is a bit exaggerated. You might cry after you lose, hell I know I have, and that's okay. If it didn't hurt than it didn't mean enough to you and you shouldn't have been fighting for it in the first place.
One thing I have really picked up on in my 17 years of life its the power of love. Love is seriously the greatest thing in the world. Whether it's love for a family member, a friend, or a significant other; love is truly the most powerful emotion. Whether the love has been there for a decade or for a couple weeks love is love. Don't fear it, thrive on it. Tell the people that you love, "I love you." You're never too old or too cool for that. Never. And don't assume they know you do. Tell them. Tell them as often as you can. Go out of your way to tell them. But never say you love someone unless you really, truly do. Falsifying love is the worst crime you can commit.
Final thought for the night I promise. Never be afraid to act on a whim. Never be afraid to take a chance on something. If the life you know becomes humdrum or you feel like you're waiting on something or someone it's time to make a change. Go out of your comfort zone and risk it all. You might get burned, but chances are if you put your trust in someone who cares about you. You'll be alright. You might even be surprised as to what you find.
I love you guys. All of you. I want you to know that. Whether you're 17 years old reading this or 50 years old, I love you.
NP: How to Save a Life- The Fray
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Arsenal vs Man U
This morning I woke up and headed over to Graz's for the soccer game. Ty, Dave, Schweins, and I watched the game together and it was a good time. The game made me think though.
It brought to mind a question. And for each and every person the answer will be different and they will have different reasons to support their decision. The question is: Is it better to continue to fight in a situation where you're almost guaranteed to lose or is it better to swallow your pride and give up?
I'd love to argue both sides of this question for you but I really only know one side of it. The only time in my life I have swallowed my pride and given up was at a kicking showcase. I didn't give up so much as realize that I wasn't going to be the best. I came out of the camp humbled because I saw kids who were just flat out better than me. That car ride home my Dad said he didn't care if I played college football or not. It was a lie, but he tried his hardest to understand what I was going through.
The side I'm more accustomed to is being headstrong and continuing on even when defeat was imminent. When you know that you're going to lose and you continue fighting anyway you have to know that you might end up humiliated. You might get hurt, badly, but you have to be a strong enough person to know that the fight itself is worth more than the outcome.
The mere fact that you fight for what you want far surpasses whether or not you end up victorious.
I will fight for what I want until the day I die. Even when fighting is the worst idea, I'm going to do it. All I need to know is that something is worth fighting for and that someone else wants me to fight. Having someone fight alongside you is always a bonus, but I don't need anyone in the fight except myself.
I'll take a slim chance any day of the week. Go ahead and fight now.
NP: She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5
It brought to mind a question. And for each and every person the answer will be different and they will have different reasons to support their decision. The question is: Is it better to continue to fight in a situation where you're almost guaranteed to lose or is it better to swallow your pride and give up?
I'd love to argue both sides of this question for you but I really only know one side of it. The only time in my life I have swallowed my pride and given up was at a kicking showcase. I didn't give up so much as realize that I wasn't going to be the best. I came out of the camp humbled because I saw kids who were just flat out better than me. That car ride home my Dad said he didn't care if I played college football or not. It was a lie, but he tried his hardest to understand what I was going through.
The side I'm more accustomed to is being headstrong and continuing on even when defeat was imminent. When you know that you're going to lose and you continue fighting anyway you have to know that you might end up humiliated. You might get hurt, badly, but you have to be a strong enough person to know that the fight itself is worth more than the outcome.
The mere fact that you fight for what you want far surpasses whether or not you end up victorious.
I will fight for what I want until the day I die. Even when fighting is the worst idea, I'm going to do it. All I need to know is that something is worth fighting for and that someone else wants me to fight. Having someone fight alongside you is always a bonus, but I don't need anyone in the fight except myself.
I'll take a slim chance any day of the week. Go ahead and fight now.
NP: She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Long Day
Yesterday, well including the start of today, was a long day. Yesterday I stayed up until 2 a.m. and woke up at 8. I worked from 1 to 5:15 after going to the bank with my mom. It was the first time I had to actually deposit checks because at Sears I had direct deposit, and it was really cool to walk into the bank and be putting money into my account.
After work I went out to eat with Ash, Amanda, Jared, and Schweins. We drove all over hell's half acre and finally settled at Bravo. I had already eaten, but due to speculation that I was anorexic I ate again at Bravo. We all sat and talked after we ate for a solid 30 to 45 minutes before heading to Schweins's house. At Schweins's we watched TV for a little while before heading home. (We also found the hollow spot in the wall where Earl stashes the dead bodies.)
I came home and had a nice long chat with a good friend. A three hour chat about everything. It's now 2:22 and I really should be in bed. I think I'll go up and take a shower and listen to music until I fall asleep. Tomorrow morning I'm going to go over to Graz's for the Arsenal/ Man U game. After that I think my schedule is empty until baseball at 8. I might actually nap tomorrow...I said might.
As for the blog earlier about the internet shopping I was doing. Here are just some things from my wish list. Feel free to let me know what you think if them.
I hope you're thinking about me.
NP: How to Save a Life- The Fray
After work I went out to eat with Ash, Amanda, Jared, and Schweins. We drove all over hell's half acre and finally settled at Bravo. I had already eaten, but due to speculation that I was anorexic I ate again at Bravo. We all sat and talked after we ate for a solid 30 to 45 minutes before heading to Schweins's house. At Schweins's we watched TV for a little while before heading home. (We also found the hollow spot in the wall where Earl stashes the dead bodies.)
I came home and had a nice long chat with a good friend. A three hour chat about everything. It's now 2:22 and I really should be in bed. I think I'll go up and take a shower and listen to music until I fall asleep. Tomorrow morning I'm going to go over to Graz's for the Arsenal/ Man U game. After that I think my schedule is empty until baseball at 8. I might actually nap tomorrow...I said might.
As for the blog earlier about the internet shopping I was doing. Here are just some things from my wish list. Feel free to let me know what you think if them.
I hope you're thinking about me.
NP: How to Save a Life- The Fray
Working Hard, or Hardly Working?
That would be a very good question to ask me. At work I seen to do a lot of both. I'll bust my butt cleaning off tables and refilling ice and running around grabbing dishes from waitresses who have better things to do. On the other hand I do a heck of a lot of sitting around at work. My phone battery gets crushed when I work. I'm playing words with friends, I'm checking Twitter, I'm on Youtube, or I'm texting.
I've realized that my job is awesome. Most nights I make well over minimum wage doing a very reasonable amount of work. I'll admit that taking the trash out does suck though, especially in the dead of winter with four inches of snow on the ground. That's the only part that sucks.
The best part of work is the interaction. I love talking to my coworkers and to the customers.
Something I started doing again today, and quite regrettably so, is online shopping. I really need to stop. My birthday isn't until April. Later tonight I might post some pictures of the stuff I'm looking to buy. Let my blog readers give me some fashion advice...advice can always be ignored.
Wow that post was pretty scatterbrained...
"I'd like it if you were here."
NP: Meet Virginia- Train
I've realized that my job is awesome. Most nights I make well over minimum wage doing a very reasonable amount of work. I'll admit that taking the trash out does suck though, especially in the dead of winter with four inches of snow on the ground. That's the only part that sucks.
The best part of work is the interaction. I love talking to my coworkers and to the customers.
Something I started doing again today, and quite regrettably so, is online shopping. I really need to stop. My birthday isn't until April. Later tonight I might post some pictures of the stuff I'm looking to buy. Let my blog readers give me some fashion advice...advice can always be ignored.
Wow that post was pretty scatterbrained...
"I'd like it if you were here."
NP: Meet Virginia- Train
Friday, January 20, 2012
Carpool
Today I worked with Trav for the first time in a long time so we rode to work together. He drove of course. But you knew that because of the posts about drivers ed.
I like working with Trav because we have so many inside jokes and we both think the same way. We can make a joke out of any situation and some of the stuff you see working at a restaurant is just plain absurd. We sat in the front most of the night and watched Chelsea and Jen do all sorts of weird voices and even saw what is known as Chelsea's "Scary Eye."
Also like to put in a shout out to my amigos who visited me at work. Bob and Jordan, thank you guys! Even though Stonepepps was your back up plan to Changs with Cizzy it was still nice to see you guys.
Aside from work I had a pretty good night. Stayed glued to my iPhone for most of it, and kept in touch with the outside world.
In conversation tonight I brought up how this time last year I was considering joining the military after college. Maybe apply to the Naval Academy and the Air Force Academy. I remember how shocked my mom was. She was adamant about me not doing it. She said I had other things to offer this world and that we had enough people who really wanted to serve and who had no other real options.
I wanted to serve because my Dad did. And because I felt like it was a noble thing to do and something I could always be proud of. It would be something memorable that I would be able to tell my kids about one day. In my naive view of war I never even considered the fact that I could die. I guess I assumed it was like Call of Duty where I could just re-spawn and chase down the bad guys with a missile launcher.
In reality there are other ways of being noble.(Someone close to me brought that to my attention just a few minutes ago.) Maybe writing can be my way of achieving nobility.
My main goal in life is to be remembered. I don't want to be wealthy, or famous, I want to be remembered and revered. I want to mean something to those in my life, and I want people who don't even know me to think highly of me. I want to look back and see that I've made an impact on people's lives. A positive impact that is.
I like to think that this very blog is impacting lives. It may only be five or ten readers a night who actually read a post the whole way through, and it may be even fewer who truly understand it and feel something after reading it... But if a few people a night really get what I'm saying, then all of this is worth it.
I hope that you are still reading this post, and I hope that every night you begin to understand me more and more.
Tonight you've learned that I want to be respected. And that I want to be remembered.
If you read deeper into each post you would see that I always capitalize Dad. I don't know when I started doing it, or why. I think it's because even though he's done so much wrong I respect the hell out of him.
Something that might not be as evident is that I love my mother to death and that I would literally do anything to put a smile on that woman's face. She has a beautiful smile and has spent enough of her life frowning. I love my mom so damn much, and I hope one day she reads this blog and sees what I have to say.
NP: Dear Mama- 2Pac
I like working with Trav because we have so many inside jokes and we both think the same way. We can make a joke out of any situation and some of the stuff you see working at a restaurant is just plain absurd. We sat in the front most of the night and watched Chelsea and Jen do all sorts of weird voices and even saw what is known as Chelsea's "Scary Eye."
Also like to put in a shout out to my amigos who visited me at work. Bob and Jordan, thank you guys! Even though Stonepepps was your back up plan to Changs with Cizzy it was still nice to see you guys.
Aside from work I had a pretty good night. Stayed glued to my iPhone for most of it, and kept in touch with the outside world.
In conversation tonight I brought up how this time last year I was considering joining the military after college. Maybe apply to the Naval Academy and the Air Force Academy. I remember how shocked my mom was. She was adamant about me not doing it. She said I had other things to offer this world and that we had enough people who really wanted to serve and who had no other real options.
I wanted to serve because my Dad did. And because I felt like it was a noble thing to do and something I could always be proud of. It would be something memorable that I would be able to tell my kids about one day. In my naive view of war I never even considered the fact that I could die. I guess I assumed it was like Call of Duty where I could just re-spawn and chase down the bad guys with a missile launcher.
In reality there are other ways of being noble.(Someone close to me brought that to my attention just a few minutes ago.) Maybe writing can be my way of achieving nobility.
My main goal in life is to be remembered. I don't want to be wealthy, or famous, I want to be remembered and revered. I want to mean something to those in my life, and I want people who don't even know me to think highly of me. I want to look back and see that I've made an impact on people's lives. A positive impact that is.
I like to think that this very blog is impacting lives. It may only be five or ten readers a night who actually read a post the whole way through, and it may be even fewer who truly understand it and feel something after reading it... But if a few people a night really get what I'm saying, then all of this is worth it.
I hope that you are still reading this post, and I hope that every night you begin to understand me more and more.
Tonight you've learned that I want to be respected. And that I want to be remembered.
If you read deeper into each post you would see that I always capitalize Dad. I don't know when I started doing it, or why. I think it's because even though he's done so much wrong I respect the hell out of him.
Something that might not be as evident is that I love my mother to death and that I would literally do anything to put a smile on that woman's face. She has a beautiful smile and has spent enough of her life frowning. I love my mom so damn much, and I hope one day she reads this blog and sees what I have to say.
NP: Dear Mama- 2Pac
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Hostess Stand
What a gay title for a blog post. But that's where I'm standing, at the hostess stand. Looking at 1000 Splendid Suns but not daring to actually read it. I'm too cool for that book....who am I kidding I'm a damn nerd.
I love word games like scrabble or boggle or hangman. I love reading and if you couldn't tell I love writing. I love books about serial killers and about true crime. I also like almost anything dealing with WWII. I'm a sucker for anything history related. When I get on Wikipedia I'll read pages upon pages of irrelevant info. Anything from sports figures to civil war battles.
The thing is I don't mind being a nerd. It's better than the alternative. Some dumb jock. (But hey I'm athletic too, or at least I claim to be.)
The life lesson for today is about forgiveness. I guess I'm a pretty forgiving person when I want to be. I've forgiven an ex best friend who really, really wronged me. I'm not even sure why I've forgiven him, but I have and I'm not bitter with him now. The hardest person I've had to forgive in my life would have to be my dad. He drank himself away from our family. He pissed away a six figure salary that allowed our family to live comfortably. He almost ruined my parents' marriage. He went away for three months at a crucial part of my life. But worse than any of that he put himself, and our family in danger every time he drank and drove. I would have never forgiven him if he killed himself driving drunk, I just couldn't have. Fortunately my dad is still alive today and I've learned so much from his mistakes.
The reason you have to forgive other people is so cliche. "Life's too short." it really is though. If you carry around a grudge for years then you're only hurting yourself. Taking the time to hate someone is more time consuming and exhausting than forgiving them. Forgiving someone for what they've done also gives you something else...it shows that you're the better person. And that's something nobody has to tell you, you can just feel it. You can say, "This is me showing I'm better than you. What you did to me was wrong, but I forgive you." Forgiveness only works of you learn from what's happened. You can never forgive and forget. You need to forgive, but always remember. Remembrance is another key to life. But the biggest kind of forgiveness is self forgiveness. Forgiving yourself can be the hardest thing in the world, but it needs to be done. You can't hate the person you are or the things you've done. Accept what you've done, and make a change. Forgiveness feels even better when you're forgiving yourself.
One of my favorite sayings is the one used for alcoholics anonymous.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
That speaks volumes to me.
A little sappy song for you folks tonight.
NP: Love Story-T Swift
I love word games like scrabble or boggle or hangman. I love reading and if you couldn't tell I love writing. I love books about serial killers and about true crime. I also like almost anything dealing with WWII. I'm a sucker for anything history related. When I get on Wikipedia I'll read pages upon pages of irrelevant info. Anything from sports figures to civil war battles.
The thing is I don't mind being a nerd. It's better than the alternative. Some dumb jock. (But hey I'm athletic too, or at least I claim to be.)
The life lesson for today is about forgiveness. I guess I'm a pretty forgiving person when I want to be. I've forgiven an ex best friend who really, really wronged me. I'm not even sure why I've forgiven him, but I have and I'm not bitter with him now. The hardest person I've had to forgive in my life would have to be my dad. He drank himself away from our family. He pissed away a six figure salary that allowed our family to live comfortably. He almost ruined my parents' marriage. He went away for three months at a crucial part of my life. But worse than any of that he put himself, and our family in danger every time he drank and drove. I would have never forgiven him if he killed himself driving drunk, I just couldn't have. Fortunately my dad is still alive today and I've learned so much from his mistakes.
The reason you have to forgive other people is so cliche. "Life's too short." it really is though. If you carry around a grudge for years then you're only hurting yourself. Taking the time to hate someone is more time consuming and exhausting than forgiving them. Forgiving someone for what they've done also gives you something else...it shows that you're the better person. And that's something nobody has to tell you, you can just feel it. You can say, "This is me showing I'm better than you. What you did to me was wrong, but I forgive you." Forgiveness only works of you learn from what's happened. You can never forgive and forget. You need to forgive, but always remember. Remembrance is another key to life. But the biggest kind of forgiveness is self forgiveness. Forgiving yourself can be the hardest thing in the world, but it needs to be done. You can't hate the person you are or the things you've done. Accept what you've done, and make a change. Forgiveness feels even better when you're forgiving yourself.
One of my favorite sayings is the one used for alcoholics anonymous.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."
That speaks volumes to me.
A little sappy song for you folks tonight.
NP: Love Story-T Swift
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Another Day Another Dollar
Today was an extremely average day, but it was another day so I cannot complain.Driver's ed was as boring as I anticipated, but baseball was good. Got some good swings in and like the way I feel about this year's team.
Th next three days I have work. 5 to close tomorrow, 5 to close Friday, and 1 to 5 Saturday. That sounds like three days of hell to me. But I need to make money if I have any hopes of going to Germany. As much as I want to go see Moritz, the money to get there just isn't there. I'm going to keep working at it but I need money saved up for college and dropping 2 grand on a senior trip is a bit outrageous.
I'm thinking I might pass on senior trip, take any money my parents would have given me, and just go on my family vacation like always. Or maybe do a smaller senior trip with all my best friends down to Hilton Head, but I will not be caught dead at Ocean Shitty.
On another note I was accepted into St. John's Honors College today and I'm really liking the idea of it more and more. I still have Fordham as my top choice, but if that falls through St. John's might be it. Queens is only a subway ride away from the heart of the city anyway, and being anywhere near New York City is really enticing.
I plan to major in accounting, but I am going to try out some writing courses while I'm there. I'm too passionate about writing not to continue it. I feel like I'm an okay writer, some people tell me the things I write about are really mature for my age and I take that stuff straight to heart. It's nice to hear. I think life in New York would offer me so many opportunities whether it be in the writing field or in the business one.
That's the future though, and while it does look bright the present is here and it's even brighter. I'm seriously loving life right now. I have great people in my life. Work kinda sucks, but once I'm there I never actually mind it. Last night I blogged about putting myself out there and I have put myself out there. 100%. I'm not sure how it was received, but other people have opened up to me too and I like what they have to say. I like where I'm at with certain people in my life; family friends and such. And I feel like this weekend has potential to be a great one....I guess I'll see how I feel come Sunday night. That will be the true indicator.
NP: So Far Away- Carole King
Th next three days I have work. 5 to close tomorrow, 5 to close Friday, and 1 to 5 Saturday. That sounds like three days of hell to me. But I need to make money if I have any hopes of going to Germany. As much as I want to go see Moritz, the money to get there just isn't there. I'm going to keep working at it but I need money saved up for college and dropping 2 grand on a senior trip is a bit outrageous.
I'm thinking I might pass on senior trip, take any money my parents would have given me, and just go on my family vacation like always. Or maybe do a smaller senior trip with all my best friends down to Hilton Head, but I will not be caught dead at Ocean Shitty.
On another note I was accepted into St. John's Honors College today and I'm really liking the idea of it more and more. I still have Fordham as my top choice, but if that falls through St. John's might be it. Queens is only a subway ride away from the heart of the city anyway, and being anywhere near New York City is really enticing.
I plan to major in accounting, but I am going to try out some writing courses while I'm there. I'm too passionate about writing not to continue it. I feel like I'm an okay writer, some people tell me the things I write about are really mature for my age and I take that stuff straight to heart. It's nice to hear. I think life in New York would offer me so many opportunities whether it be in the writing field or in the business one.
That's the future though, and while it does look bright the present is here and it's even brighter. I'm seriously loving life right now. I have great people in my life. Work kinda sucks, but once I'm there I never actually mind it. Last night I blogged about putting myself out there and I have put myself out there. 100%. I'm not sure how it was received, but other people have opened up to me too and I like what they have to say. I like where I'm at with certain people in my life; family friends and such. And I feel like this weekend has potential to be a great one....I guess I'll see how I feel come Sunday night. That will be the true indicator.
NP: So Far Away- Carole King
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Free Day
Today was my one free day of the week so I took advantage. I got a good workout in after school, came home, chilled, and then went to the basketball game.
These past two months I've been much more out an about than I was my first 3 years of high school. I'm a regular at basketball games and surprisingly enough, swim meets. I'll probably go watch track when that starts so I can see little Jennifer run and jump around.
Today Anna and Jordan took me to the game and it was fun driving around with them, doing Anna's various errands beforehand. Even though I'm sure I looked like some gay best friend inside Victoria's Secret with two girls. Either that or some extremist Mormon weirdo. Not sure which one would be preferred there...
The three of us in the car had a heart to heart to heart. I've realized that lately opening up to people is something I gladly do. I guess I feel like I have some profound thing to say, which I don't, but I think that my opening up makes me easier to trust. I like to think that people confide in me and trust me. I like to think that they say, "You know Tom really knows his shit. He's a pretty good guy." If they don't say that though, well too bad.
Today my Mom said something about wanting what you can't have and it made me think. Is there ever a time we truly can't have what we want? We say we want something, but how bad do we want it? My theory is if you want something bad enough you're willing to go to extremes for it. It's about putting yourself out there and going for it. Take a risk, take a chance, make a change......and BREAK AWAY...Sorry for that horrible Kelly Clarkson reference. But seriously, take a risk. It might blow up in your face but you won't know until you've exhausted all your options and truly, truly given it your all. I realize in some cases, like me wanting to be an NFL kicker, things probably won't pan out. But most other things in life we can achieve. It's like our football motto, "All In." You need to be all in if you really want something. Put your entire being into it. Go out on a limb and say something, or do something. Take the initiative and go for it. Do or say something that might just get you in trouble. Put yourself in a sticky situation and let it work it's way out. Just don't be afraid. Be steadfast in your approach, and never falter. When you start to question if what you're doing is right, continue on. Never question yourself. Never.
NP: Man In The Hat- Mac Miller
These past two months I've been much more out an about than I was my first 3 years of high school. I'm a regular at basketball games and surprisingly enough, swim meets. I'll probably go watch track when that starts so I can see little Jennifer run and jump around.
Today Anna and Jordan took me to the game and it was fun driving around with them, doing Anna's various errands beforehand. Even though I'm sure I looked like some gay best friend inside Victoria's Secret with two girls. Either that or some extremist Mormon weirdo. Not sure which one would be preferred there...
The three of us in the car had a heart to heart to heart. I've realized that lately opening up to people is something I gladly do. I guess I feel like I have some profound thing to say, which I don't, but I think that my opening up makes me easier to trust. I like to think that people confide in me and trust me. I like to think that they say, "You know Tom really knows his shit. He's a pretty good guy." If they don't say that though, well too bad.
Today my Mom said something about wanting what you can't have and it made me think. Is there ever a time we truly can't have what we want? We say we want something, but how bad do we want it? My theory is if you want something bad enough you're willing to go to extremes for it. It's about putting yourself out there and going for it. Take a risk, take a chance, make a change......and BREAK AWAY...Sorry for that horrible Kelly Clarkson reference. But seriously, take a risk. It might blow up in your face but you won't know until you've exhausted all your options and truly, truly given it your all. I realize in some cases, like me wanting to be an NFL kicker, things probably won't pan out. But most other things in life we can achieve. It's like our football motto, "All In." You need to be all in if you really want something. Put your entire being into it. Go out on a limb and say something, or do something. Take the initiative and go for it. Do or say something that might just get you in trouble. Put yourself in a sticky situation and let it work it's way out. Just don't be afraid. Be steadfast in your approach, and never falter. When you start to question if what you're doing is right, continue on. Never question yourself. Never.
NP: Man In The Hat- Mac Miller
Monday, January 16, 2012
A Long Weekend
Thanks to Martin Luther King Jr. I had a three day weekend. I know he did a hell of a lot more than get us an extra day of school off, but I'm not here to give you a history lesson. They pay other people to do that. They pay me to entertain you...just kidding this is non-profit. (Only because nobody has made any donations yet.)
Last night I didn't feel very well until after I already said I was not going to baseball. My friends came over for a sleep over and their company made me feel better, if only for the night.
We played NERF the whole night and with the addition of several new guns, a tomahawk, and a plethora of bullets we had a full scale war. You see we don't just have a war, each battle has a theme.The exact themes cannot be said, but I'll just say they have to do with a trip to the Orient, Lupe Fiasco's latest album, a musical man, and a kid who cleaned out his closet. Others who fought in the war include a jealous mother, an upset mother, and star crossed lovers. Basically the five of us have lives....
When we aren't busy playing NERF something else suspect is usually happening. Whether it's fitting three grown men into a queen size bed of even scarier... me having to sleep next to Graz.
Every morning after our sleepovers my dad makes us breakfast and he does a great job. That's the only meal other than chicken noodle soup the man can make. But breakfast is really his thing.
While the sleepover was a great time, eventually my friends did have to leave and from there I went into a comatose state and accomplished nothing. That was until 6 o'clock when I headed up to Jared for some street hockey. We just shot around and cracked jokes and ended up watching a Youtube video of Michelle Therrien. That basically sums up our friendship, we can do anything and have a good time doing it. We have inside jokes out the butt.
I could only stay for a little bit though because I had to go to baseball workouts at the ghetto Clinton warehouse, and if you were wondering yes that is the facility's given name. Workouts weren't too bad even though sometimes i question what some of the exercises have to do with baseball...couch cough prowlers cough cough chair drill. But that is beside the point.
The workouts are neat because I get a kind of Rocky Balboa feel from working out in a freezing cold warehouse. It feels good to get your heart rate up and feel the workout taking it's toll, but I'm not sure I'll be liking it so much tomorrow morning.
This weekend was a good one. I kept busy, even when I wasn't busy having fun I was working and when I wasn't doing either of those I was using my beautiful iPhone.
There are a lot of beautiful things in this world. Technology is a beautiful thing. And so is friendship. And so is showing people you care about them. And so is telling someone they mean something to you. And so is spending time with loved ones. And so is making sure someone knows that they should never settle for less than they deserve. And so is being told it wasn't your fault. And so is spilling your heart to those closest to you. And so is accepting that you have flaws. And so is fighting for something you believe is worth fighting for. And so is telling someone they're beautiful. Beautiful is truly the most beautiful word.
Looking forward to a good week...
NP: Heart of the City- Jay Z
Last night I didn't feel very well until after I already said I was not going to baseball. My friends came over for a sleep over and their company made me feel better, if only for the night.
We played NERF the whole night and with the addition of several new guns, a tomahawk, and a plethora of bullets we had a full scale war. You see we don't just have a war, each battle has a theme.The exact themes cannot be said, but I'll just say they have to do with a trip to the Orient, Lupe Fiasco's latest album, a musical man, and a kid who cleaned out his closet. Others who fought in the war include a jealous mother, an upset mother, and star crossed lovers. Basically the five of us have lives....
When we aren't busy playing NERF something else suspect is usually happening. Whether it's fitting three grown men into a queen size bed of even scarier... me having to sleep next to Graz.
Every morning after our sleepovers my dad makes us breakfast and he does a great job. That's the only meal other than chicken noodle soup the man can make. But breakfast is really his thing.
While the sleepover was a great time, eventually my friends did have to leave and from there I went into a comatose state and accomplished nothing. That was until 6 o'clock when I headed up to Jared for some street hockey. We just shot around and cracked jokes and ended up watching a Youtube video of Michelle Therrien. That basically sums up our friendship, we can do anything and have a good time doing it. We have inside jokes out the butt.
I could only stay for a little bit though because I had to go to baseball workouts at the ghetto Clinton warehouse, and if you were wondering yes that is the facility's given name. Workouts weren't too bad even though sometimes i question what some of the exercises have to do with baseball...couch cough prowlers cough cough chair drill. But that is beside the point.
The workouts are neat because I get a kind of Rocky Balboa feel from working out in a freezing cold warehouse. It feels good to get your heart rate up and feel the workout taking it's toll, but I'm not sure I'll be liking it so much tomorrow morning.
This weekend was a good one. I kept busy, even when I wasn't busy having fun I was working and when I wasn't doing either of those I was using my beautiful iPhone.
There are a lot of beautiful things in this world. Technology is a beautiful thing. And so is friendship. And so is showing people you care about them. And so is telling someone they mean something to you. And so is spending time with loved ones. And so is making sure someone knows that they should never settle for less than they deserve. And so is being told it wasn't your fault. And so is spilling your heart to those closest to you. And so is accepting that you have flaws. And so is fighting for something you believe is worth fighting for. And so is telling someone they're beautiful. Beautiful is truly the most beautiful word.
Looking forward to a good week...
NP: Heart of the City- Jay Z
Sunday, January 15, 2012
one day at a time
That's all you can do really, take life one day at a time.
That's where I'm at. Today Graz and I went to church and I remembered why I haven't gone in so long. I believe in a god, but I hate that other religion's gods are discredited. I sat there and thought about religion and what a believed and didn't believe. It was still peaceful to sit there with three Graziani boys though, so I'll probably go again next week.
Tonight I hung with most of my amigos and had a great time. We talked about college and I realized how much I was going to miss them all. Luckily I found out about the megabus so I can likely use it to get from wherever I go to college to wherever my friends are at.
I'm excited to go to college but I'm gonna miss these guys so much. Luckily I know I'll be able to visit them whenever I want and that I'm still gonna be friends with them years from now. I'm also excited to visit them at their various colleges and see some different places.
As for the talk of life day by day I don't know why but I've been in a weird mood. I used the term "going through the motions" but I'm not sure that's exactly true. I'm living life and having fun I just feel a bit detached...like I'm missing something. Then again I tend to over think...oh well time to go play some nerf with the gees.
NP: Unwell- Matchbox Twenty
That's where I'm at. Today Graz and I went to church and I remembered why I haven't gone in so long. I believe in a god, but I hate that other religion's gods are discredited. I sat there and thought about religion and what a believed and didn't believe. It was still peaceful to sit there with three Graziani boys though, so I'll probably go again next week.
Tonight I hung with most of my amigos and had a great time. We talked about college and I realized how much I was going to miss them all. Luckily I found out about the megabus so I can likely use it to get from wherever I go to college to wherever my friends are at.
I'm excited to go to college but I'm gonna miss these guys so much. Luckily I know I'll be able to visit them whenever I want and that I'm still gonna be friends with them years from now. I'm also excited to visit them at their various colleges and see some different places.
As for the talk of life day by day I don't know why but I've been in a weird mood. I used the term "going through the motions" but I'm not sure that's exactly true. I'm living life and having fun I just feel a bit detached...like I'm missing something. Then again I tend to over think...oh well time to go play some nerf with the gees.
NP: Unwell- Matchbox Twenty
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Superman
At work I am referred to as Clark Kent. All the waitresses and the bartenders call me Clark or Superman and I'd be lying if I didn't say I like it. There are a lot worse people to look like.
On the topic of looks and compliments, I have always been a sucker for being called handsome. Probably because my Nan used to tell me how handsome I was and because now my Mommy does. When giving out compliments I prefer to use pretty or beautiful, likely because I always associated those words with Nan. She was a beautiful woman.
I respect my Nan so much, and when I look for girls I look for one that I respect. I'm a big list kind of guy so I'll make a little list of features I find attractive in a girl. These are in no particular order, just being listed as I think of them.
1. Ambition
2. Respects them self
3. Smart
4. Accepts me for who I am
5. Loves her family
6. Good looking
7. Athletic (well somewhat at least)
8. Never settles for less than she deserves
9. Makes me happy
10. Has a sense of humor
Not sure why I made this list, probably because I'm hanging out with Graz and all we talk about is girls.
EP: Beautiful Girls-Sean Kingston
On the topic of looks and compliments, I have always been a sucker for being called handsome. Probably because my Nan used to tell me how handsome I was and because now my Mommy does. When giving out compliments I prefer to use pretty or beautiful, likely because I always associated those words with Nan. She was a beautiful woman.
I respect my Nan so much, and when I look for girls I look for one that I respect. I'm a big list kind of guy so I'll make a little list of features I find attractive in a girl. These are in no particular order, just being listed as I think of them.
1. Ambition
2. Respects them self
3. Smart
4. Accepts me for who I am
5. Loves her family
6. Good looking
7. Athletic (well somewhat at least)
8. Never settles for less than she deserves
9. Makes me happy
10. Has a sense of humor
Not sure why I made this list, probably because I'm hanging out with Graz and all we talk about is girls.
EP: Beautiful Girls-Sean Kingston
This I Believe
I believe in my Dad, a man who has done so much wrong, yet is so right.
My Dad grew up in Mt. Washington. He along with his three brothers and two sisters grew up in a house where alcohol was more prevalent than water. His father, whom I never met, was an alcoholic through and through. My grandmother was the same way.
Drinking was something I was used to seeing my Dad do. From an early age I knew he liked to drink. At some point however, he lost control. About four years ago it was unheard of for him to come home from the bar before four in the morning. I would worry about him all night, praying he would make it home safe.
Although he was never an angry drunk my Dad was a stupid drunk. I learned so much from his drinking though.
I learned to be humble, because while most people see you at your best there is always a select few who know you at your worst. My Dad's worst was a drunken stupor where he couldn't be taken seriously. When people lose the ability to take you seriously, you have lost all power. You have to fight and fight for that power back, and in many cases, you never get it.
I learned that you don't need liquid courage to be courageous. My Dad's three months spent in rehab shaped me into the person I am today. I talked to my Dad as often as I could, and he always told me to stay strong for my mom and my sister. And stay strong is what I did. I bottled up all the emotions I had and I would go and lift everyday after school. I built up my outer appearance so that nobody would question my mental or emotional state.
I learned that being bitter can only get you so far. I was a bitter person for much of the time he was gone. I thought he was selfish for almost tearing apart our family, and for costing us so much money. But when he came home I found some of his notebooks from rehab, I sat and read what he wrote. He had pages of people he wanted to apologize to. If memory serves me right my name wasn't on his list. I flipped the page to find that my Dad was angry at himself, and that he had no feeling of self worth. My bitterness stopped at that page.
I learned that dependency on something other than yourself was the most deadly thing in the world. While my Dad had been drinking I'm sure he dabbled in other drugs too. I cringe at the thought of my Dad doing cocaine, but in reality he probably did. I realized that when you are dependent on a substance you are a slave to the drug, and that you begin to lose control of your actions. My Dad did a lot of stupid stuff while he was drunk, but his notebook says the biggest mistake he made was putting his family at risk...That was nice to see.
The biggest thing I learned from my Dad's alcoholism is that he has always, and will always love me. To me that doesn't need an explanation.
My Dad grew up in Mt. Washington. He along with his three brothers and two sisters grew up in a house where alcohol was more prevalent than water. His father, whom I never met, was an alcoholic through and through. My grandmother was the same way.
Drinking was something I was used to seeing my Dad do. From an early age I knew he liked to drink. At some point however, he lost control. About four years ago it was unheard of for him to come home from the bar before four in the morning. I would worry about him all night, praying he would make it home safe.
Although he was never an angry drunk my Dad was a stupid drunk. I learned so much from his drinking though.
I learned to be humble, because while most people see you at your best there is always a select few who know you at your worst. My Dad's worst was a drunken stupor where he couldn't be taken seriously. When people lose the ability to take you seriously, you have lost all power. You have to fight and fight for that power back, and in many cases, you never get it.
I learned that you don't need liquid courage to be courageous. My Dad's three months spent in rehab shaped me into the person I am today. I talked to my Dad as often as I could, and he always told me to stay strong for my mom and my sister. And stay strong is what I did. I bottled up all the emotions I had and I would go and lift everyday after school. I built up my outer appearance so that nobody would question my mental or emotional state.
I learned that being bitter can only get you so far. I was a bitter person for much of the time he was gone. I thought he was selfish for almost tearing apart our family, and for costing us so much money. But when he came home I found some of his notebooks from rehab, I sat and read what he wrote. He had pages of people he wanted to apologize to. If memory serves me right my name wasn't on his list. I flipped the page to find that my Dad was angry at himself, and that he had no feeling of self worth. My bitterness stopped at that page.
I learned that dependency on something other than yourself was the most deadly thing in the world. While my Dad had been drinking I'm sure he dabbled in other drugs too. I cringe at the thought of my Dad doing cocaine, but in reality he probably did. I realized that when you are dependent on a substance you are a slave to the drug, and that you begin to lose control of your actions. My Dad did a lot of stupid stuff while he was drunk, but his notebook says the biggest mistake he made was putting his family at risk...That was nice to see.
The biggest thing I learned from my Dad's alcoholism is that he has always, and will always love me. To me that doesn't need an explanation.
Some Nasty Thoughts
I failed to blog last night because I was forced to stay at work until 11:30. I wouldn't complain about that usually, except last night wasn't that busy and I felt like death. I came home and had some toast but it wouldn't settle my stomach so I tried a warm shower... I almost drowned because I fell asleep with the plug in. By the time I got to bed it was around 1 am. I woke up less than 2 hours later to find my mouth salivating. The worst thing about throwing up is you know it's going to happen, but there's nothing you can do to stop it.
In a way throwing up is a lot like life. We get a gut feeling and we act on it. We sense ourselves in trouble so we run for safety.
Throwing up for me usually leads to me feeling 100 times better. So I guess throwing up can also be compared to removing something from your life. When something holds us down for so long and we finally expel it from our life we feel free, we feel healthier.
This post is just kind of strange. But if I didn't post it, I'd be robbing you all of a chance to see what goes through my mind.
I'm a pretty weird kid, but I prefer unique.
In a way throwing up is a lot like life. We get a gut feeling and we act on it. We sense ourselves in trouble so we run for safety.
Throwing up for me usually leads to me feeling 100 times better. So I guess throwing up can also be compared to removing something from your life. When something holds us down for so long and we finally expel it from our life we feel free, we feel healthier.
This post is just kind of strange. But if I didn't post it, I'd be robbing you all of a chance to see what goes through my mind.
I'm a pretty weird kid, but I prefer unique.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
High School Sports Night
I had a good good day today. School was quick and easy and baseball got cancelled so I got to go watch all my friends events. I also got in a good lift with t will.
First was the swim meet. I got to watch my boy goga tear up. Ashley and Amanda did great too, which is expected. Graz was a sellout and left me hanging. Just playing Graz. But seriously the meet was fun. I like swimming because it's such a team thing, but it comes down to your best vs someone else's best. That's a cool concept to me. (I also promised a blog shout out to a girl on the swim team who I do not know. So here's to you swim girl who was standing by Amanda and Ashley.)
From the meet I went and watched the girls basketball game for a little while. Let's just say that didn't last long...just kidding I left because I was going to the hockey game.
Morgan and Anna picked me up and took me. Which was very nice of them. Anna bought me a sundae from McDonalds which was very nice of her. Thanks Anna and Morgan again. I doubt either of you will read this but seriously thank you guys. The game was good, a little sloppy but we pulled out a win.
I floated around most of the night talking to anyone who would listen, and listening to anyone who would talk.
After the game I waited for Chris with Morgan and Anna and I got to see Viv for the first time in what feels like years. I love Viv. She's a truly good person. A genuinely caring lady. And a hell of a seamstress.
If Morg and Anna weren't my ride home I probably would've been in the first fight of my life. I saw, for the first time, a person I have no respect for. A scummy scummy kid who I would have been glad to punch in the face a couple times. Luckily Morg kept me from doing anything because I would have really made a scene, especially in front of Dr. D and all the parents like Viv.
I guess it wasn't the time or place. And maybe the time and place will never come and he will go free, not paying for what he did. But maybe the best revenge is forgiveness? Maybe..(I think a punch in the mouth would serve him better, but what do I know.)
The very sight of him made me so so angry. At one point both my hands were curled into fists and I was shaking from pure adrenaline. I felt out of control, but a part of me said he wasn't worth it. That he wasn't worth my time. It also helped that I had two girls telling me not to do it.
The car ride home was relaxing. I talked to Morg and Anna about life and how I've been. It was cool that they just asked me to vent, so I did. I feel better now, thanks once again guys.
That was my night in a nutshell, but my life recently has been satisfying. I've been very content. I've also been very out there. I'm saying and doing what I want and letting people decide if they want me in their life or not.
I was recently told that this blog has brought at least two people to tears. One of those people was a grown woman. I guess I must be doing something right.
While blogging is a huge part of my life now I'd still love to talk to people face to face. If you read this blog, and you like what I have to say. Don't hesitate to talk to me in person. I'll talk to you, whoever you are. About life, love, happiness, or anything you want. I'm not claiming to be a master of any of those things, but I obviously have a stance on them and i'd love to hear yours as well.
Back to the topic of this blog making someone cry. If you cry reading the blog, then you truly get it. You understand that this is me, spilled out for the world to read. You understand that this blog is about more than what I did for the day and is about more than my life lessons.
This blog is me growing as a person.
This blog keeps me sane.
If this blog keeps you sane too, please keep reading. I promise to never leave you hanging.
Well my mother has just texted me and said, "its bed time blog boy" so I guess it's bed time. Mother knows best. Always remember that.
NP: Desire- Ryan Adams
First was the swim meet. I got to watch my boy goga tear up. Ashley and Amanda did great too, which is expected. Graz was a sellout and left me hanging. Just playing Graz. But seriously the meet was fun. I like swimming because it's such a team thing, but it comes down to your best vs someone else's best. That's a cool concept to me. (I also promised a blog shout out to a girl on the swim team who I do not know. So here's to you swim girl who was standing by Amanda and Ashley.)
From the meet I went and watched the girls basketball game for a little while. Let's just say that didn't last long...just kidding I left because I was going to the hockey game.
Morgan and Anna picked me up and took me. Which was very nice of them. Anna bought me a sundae from McDonalds which was very nice of her. Thanks Anna and Morgan again. I doubt either of you will read this but seriously thank you guys. The game was good, a little sloppy but we pulled out a win.
I floated around most of the night talking to anyone who would listen, and listening to anyone who would talk.
After the game I waited for Chris with Morgan and Anna and I got to see Viv for the first time in what feels like years. I love Viv. She's a truly good person. A genuinely caring lady. And a hell of a seamstress.
If Morg and Anna weren't my ride home I probably would've been in the first fight of my life. I saw, for the first time, a person I have no respect for. A scummy scummy kid who I would have been glad to punch in the face a couple times. Luckily Morg kept me from doing anything because I would have really made a scene, especially in front of Dr. D and all the parents like Viv.
I guess it wasn't the time or place. And maybe the time and place will never come and he will go free, not paying for what he did. But maybe the best revenge is forgiveness? Maybe..(I think a punch in the mouth would serve him better, but what do I know.)
The very sight of him made me so so angry. At one point both my hands were curled into fists and I was shaking from pure adrenaline. I felt out of control, but a part of me said he wasn't worth it. That he wasn't worth my time. It also helped that I had two girls telling me not to do it.
The car ride home was relaxing. I talked to Morg and Anna about life and how I've been. It was cool that they just asked me to vent, so I did. I feel better now, thanks once again guys.
That was my night in a nutshell, but my life recently has been satisfying. I've been very content. I've also been very out there. I'm saying and doing what I want and letting people decide if they want me in their life or not.
I was recently told that this blog has brought at least two people to tears. One of those people was a grown woman. I guess I must be doing something right.
While blogging is a huge part of my life now I'd still love to talk to people face to face. If you read this blog, and you like what I have to say. Don't hesitate to talk to me in person. I'll talk to you, whoever you are. About life, love, happiness, or anything you want. I'm not claiming to be a master of any of those things, but I obviously have a stance on them and i'd love to hear yours as well.
Back to the topic of this blog making someone cry. If you cry reading the blog, then you truly get it. You understand that this is me, spilled out for the world to read. You understand that this blog is about more than what I did for the day and is about more than my life lessons.
This blog is me growing as a person.
This blog keeps me sane.
If this blog keeps you sane too, please keep reading. I promise to never leave you hanging.
Well my mother has just texted me and said, "its bed time blog boy" so I guess it's bed time. Mother knows best. Always remember that.
NP: Desire- Ryan Adams
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
A Date With Robert Brown
Yeah this probably sounds like some kind of mystery novel, but it is far from that. It was my first day of driving with Driver Brown and it was a good date. We drove around for about 35 minutes and he talked and i said "Yeah" about 150 times.
After driving with him I got to sit through his class for another two hours which was just enthralling. (Sarcasm to the maximum.) I'm in class with all underclassmen and some kid who already has his license. If I was that kid I would want to kill my mom for signing me up for drivers ed. Driver Brown means well, but the class is just too laid back to be taken very seriously. But I am learning, so I can't say anything bad about it.
After drivers ed I went to baseball, and yes if you're wondering my mother drove me. It felt good to put my glove on and take some ground balls and to swing a bat again.
Baseball is probably in a tie with soccer as my favorite sport. To those who don't play baseball it comes across as the most boring thing in the world. I'll admit, I hate watching Pirate games on tv. But there is something about playing that keeps me going.
I guess it's probably the group mentality, which in baseball is less present than football and soccer. However, our team is much more of a group than it used to be.
In the past we haven't had leaders, well we had leaders who tried leading with words, but they never seemed to follow up with actions to match. Whether it was poor grades, or just having a terrible year hitting, I never felt like we had a leader on our team. I hope to change that this year.
I've started on the team since my sophomore year and I feel like it's my team to take over. I realize I might not have the highest batting average at the end of the year, but I think I can get something out of the other guys on the team. Evoke something from them and maybe, just maybe put together a winning season and make a run at WPIALs.
If any other guys on the team read this, please don't be offended. I want people to lead with me, but I just feel it's my time to step up. I guess we will see come May what changes I've made and if it's had an impact. Like they say, "Talk is cheap."
(P.S. Anyone reading this should definitely come out to as many baseball games as they can. It's a good chance to work on your tan if nothing else.)
NP: Mrs. Robinson- Simon and Garfunkel
After driving with him I got to sit through his class for another two hours which was just enthralling. (Sarcasm to the maximum.) I'm in class with all underclassmen and some kid who already has his license. If I was that kid I would want to kill my mom for signing me up for drivers ed. Driver Brown means well, but the class is just too laid back to be taken very seriously. But I am learning, so I can't say anything bad about it.
After drivers ed I went to baseball, and yes if you're wondering my mother drove me. It felt good to put my glove on and take some ground balls and to swing a bat again.
Baseball is probably in a tie with soccer as my favorite sport. To those who don't play baseball it comes across as the most boring thing in the world. I'll admit, I hate watching Pirate games on tv. But there is something about playing that keeps me going.
I guess it's probably the group mentality, which in baseball is less present than football and soccer. However, our team is much more of a group than it used to be.
In the past we haven't had leaders, well we had leaders who tried leading with words, but they never seemed to follow up with actions to match. Whether it was poor grades, or just having a terrible year hitting, I never felt like we had a leader on our team. I hope to change that this year.
I've started on the team since my sophomore year and I feel like it's my team to take over. I realize I might not have the highest batting average at the end of the year, but I think I can get something out of the other guys on the team. Evoke something from them and maybe, just maybe put together a winning season and make a run at WPIALs.
If any other guys on the team read this, please don't be offended. I want people to lead with me, but I just feel it's my time to step up. I guess we will see come May what changes I've made and if it's had an impact. Like they say, "Talk is cheap."
(P.S. Anyone reading this should definitely come out to as many baseball games as they can. It's a good chance to work on your tan if nothing else.)
NP: Mrs. Robinson- Simon and Garfunkel
Monday, January 9, 2012
Should Be Reading 1000 Splendid Suns
But I'm not. I'm blogging. And, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn"
Today's discussion, whatever I feel.
Today in Creative writing Mr. Denk, who I am progressively coming to love more and more, told me his observations of me. He said I came up in conversation and that the one thing he could not do was pinpoint me. He couldn't place me in any clique. He said that was pretty neat and I can't help but agree. The other thing he said that struck me was that I am unique and individualistic. Individualistic is defined as a person who shows great independence or individuality in thought or action. I guess that is me. I like that definition and I like that I am perceived as an independent person.
I don't want anyone else to define me; be it my father, a girlfriend, my sister, or anyone else for that matter. I want to be remembered for what I alone have done. Like everyone else knows, people will judge you, we as humans judge others, it's just our nature. When I am judged however, I hope people have some good things to say. (To be honest they can say anything they want I don't care either way, but optimistic Tom says that hopefully it's positive.)
Another thing on my mind is waiting. I can wait. To put it simply I will wait. As long as I have to. When something worth while comes into your life you have no option but to wait. Obviously, at some point patience will run thin. But I believe I can wait as long as I need to.
While patience is a virtue and being able to wait for something is great, you have to be willing to act. Sitting back and wishing for something to change will get you no where. I like when people say, "Look it's 11:11 make a wish." because to me a wish is just that. We can wish for anything, but what we truly want we have to be willing to work for. I wrote a poem a while ago about wishing so what the heck, I might as well share it.
Make a Wish
11:11 the time to wish,
but a wish is just that.
A wish carries no real power,
actions make wishes possible.
Act: is what I need to do.
Wish: is what I've done.
Enough is enough and what's done is done,
now I need to decide.
Wish?
Or act?
Thanks for reading guys, and I encourage you to look at the clock tonight at 11:11 and not wish, but instead act on what you were wishing for. Maybe something will come of it.
"It's not that we don't care, we just know that the fight ain't fair."
NP: Waiting On the World to Change- John Mayer
Today's discussion, whatever I feel.
Today in Creative writing Mr. Denk, who I am progressively coming to love more and more, told me his observations of me. He said I came up in conversation and that the one thing he could not do was pinpoint me. He couldn't place me in any clique. He said that was pretty neat and I can't help but agree. The other thing he said that struck me was that I am unique and individualistic. Individualistic is defined as a person who shows great independence or individuality in thought or action. I guess that is me. I like that definition and I like that I am perceived as an independent person.
I don't want anyone else to define me; be it my father, a girlfriend, my sister, or anyone else for that matter. I want to be remembered for what I alone have done. Like everyone else knows, people will judge you, we as humans judge others, it's just our nature. When I am judged however, I hope people have some good things to say. (To be honest they can say anything they want I don't care either way, but optimistic Tom says that hopefully it's positive.)
Another thing on my mind is waiting. I can wait. To put it simply I will wait. As long as I have to. When something worth while comes into your life you have no option but to wait. Obviously, at some point patience will run thin. But I believe I can wait as long as I need to.
While patience is a virtue and being able to wait for something is great, you have to be willing to act. Sitting back and wishing for something to change will get you no where. I like when people say, "Look it's 11:11 make a wish." because to me a wish is just that. We can wish for anything, but what we truly want we have to be willing to work for. I wrote a poem a while ago about wishing so what the heck, I might as well share it.
Make a Wish
11:11 the time to wish,
but a wish is just that.
A wish carries no real power,
actions make wishes possible.
Act: is what I need to do.
Wish: is what I've done.
Enough is enough and what's done is done,
now I need to decide.
Wish?
Or act?
Thanks for reading guys, and I encourage you to look at the clock tonight at 11:11 and not wish, but instead act on what you were wishing for. Maybe something will come of it.
"It's not that we don't care, we just know that the fight ain't fair."
NP: Waiting On the World to Change- John Mayer
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Take It Slow
It is Sunday, and I feel good. I went with Trev to the hs and we long tossed and ran two and a half miles. We did a lot of talking. About drinking, chewing, smoking, and women. I liked hearing trev's view on everything, especially since he isn't in my immediate group of friends where I know everyone's opinions on those topics. It was cool to catch up with Trev and to start getting ready for baseball this year. (which I am expecting a lot out of this year)
Last night I went ice skating down at ppg with my best friends. I want to apologize to them for the horrible mood I was in for most of the night. That's not me. But you guys know that.
The thing was that for some reason I let myself feel lonely even though I was surrounded by 6 of my best friends. That's inexcusable. I'm sorry again guys for my bad mood and for making any of you mad.
But yesterday was exactly that. You won't see me looking back at it worrying. What's done is done and today is a new day, a great day. Hopefully I'll get to watch the steeler game with my friends today and I know that I'll be in a better mood.
As for the title of this post. It refers to two songs I listened to this morning. Take it slow by both the summer set and forever the sickest kids. Two very good songs. And taking it slow is exactly what I'm going to do. To whomever it may concern. Whether its friends, family, or my enemies. I'm taking it slow and enjoying it while it lasts. No rash decisions or acting on a whim.
Cool, calm, collected.
Have a good sunday everyone. Tell your family you love them.
NP: Wonderwall- Oasis and Ryan Adams
Last night I went ice skating down at ppg with my best friends. I want to apologize to them for the horrible mood I was in for most of the night. That's not me. But you guys know that.
The thing was that for some reason I let myself feel lonely even though I was surrounded by 6 of my best friends. That's inexcusable. I'm sorry again guys for my bad mood and for making any of you mad.
But yesterday was exactly that. You won't see me looking back at it worrying. What's done is done and today is a new day, a great day. Hopefully I'll get to watch the steeler game with my friends today and I know that I'll be in a better mood.
As for the title of this post. It refers to two songs I listened to this morning. Take it slow by both the summer set and forever the sickest kids. Two very good songs. And taking it slow is exactly what I'm going to do. To whomever it may concern. Whether its friends, family, or my enemies. I'm taking it slow and enjoying it while it lasts. No rash decisions or acting on a whim.
Cool, calm, collected.
Have a good sunday everyone. Tell your family you love them.
NP: Wonderwall- Oasis and Ryan Adams
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Saturday
So it is, as the title reads, Saturday. A little before noon, and a little before I have to go get ready for work. I had a good Friday with Ty, Schweins, and Draino. We just hung out in my room most of the night saying stupid stuff and just laughing at each other. We went to McDonald's and I paid for everyone's sundaes, very expensive I know. Those guys along with Dave are truly the greatest guys I know. I am sure that a year from now and five years from now we are all going to still be the best of friends. We know the ins and outs of each others' lives and we can have fun doing anything together.
The thought of not seeing them almost everyday next year is kinda scary. Dave's going to Pitt, Ty's going to Xavier, Jared's probably going to Pitt with Dave, and Schweins is trying to go to Pitt also. I feel like me and Graz we be the ones traveling the farthest away. My eyes are still set on New York. If not New York then maybe Philadelphia, Virginia, or maybe I'll tag along with Graz out to Cinci.
With my Xavier application just turned in I have applied to 13 schools. There are another 3 or 4 i want to apply to, including Syracuse, Rutgers, and George Mason. I'm gonna make a list for all my Blogger friends so you guys can see where I'm ranking these colleges.
1. Fordham (Still have to get in)
the list gets kinda confusing there.
2. St. John's, Drexel (In at both)
4. William and Mary (Waiting to hear back)
5. Pitt (In)
6. Davidson, Xavier (Waiting on both)
8. Marquette (waiting)
9. Duquesne(In)
10. Ohio University(In)
Not even considering: RMU, Washington and Jefferson, Allegheny, Wheaton
I have some serious narrowing down to do. I want to get away, not because I dislike what I have here, but because I feel there is so much for me to do elsewhere.... I also need to decide if I'm going to try and play a sport or not. I'm considering walking on somewhere but I really don't know.
I hope in the end I make the right choice.
NP: Changes- Tupac
The thought of not seeing them almost everyday next year is kinda scary. Dave's going to Pitt, Ty's going to Xavier, Jared's probably going to Pitt with Dave, and Schweins is trying to go to Pitt also. I feel like me and Graz we be the ones traveling the farthest away. My eyes are still set on New York. If not New York then maybe Philadelphia, Virginia, or maybe I'll tag along with Graz out to Cinci.
With my Xavier application just turned in I have applied to 13 schools. There are another 3 or 4 i want to apply to, including Syracuse, Rutgers, and George Mason. I'm gonna make a list for all my Blogger friends so you guys can see where I'm ranking these colleges.
1. Fordham (Still have to get in)
the list gets kinda confusing there.
2. St. John's, Drexel (In at both)
4. William and Mary (Waiting to hear back)
5. Pitt (In)
6. Davidson, Xavier (Waiting on both)
8. Marquette (waiting)
9. Duquesne(In)
10. Ohio University(In)
Not even considering: RMU, Washington and Jefferson, Allegheny, Wheaton
I have some serious narrowing down to do. I want to get away, not because I dislike what I have here, but because I feel there is so much for me to do elsewhere.... I also need to decide if I'm going to try and play a sport or not. I'm considering walking on somewhere but I really don't know.
I hope in the end I make the right choice.
NP: Changes- Tupac
Thursday, January 5, 2012
the longest race i'll ever run
The longest race I will ever run is a race that doesn't involve my feet or legs, instead it involves my mind. I think too much for my own good.
I think my main problem is I get an idea planted in my head, an idea of how something will be, and when reality comes in and my preconceived idea is in shambles I become a wreck.
I try to plan out too much in my life, and I leave little wiggle room for change. I think I can change this I just need to consciously try to do it.
What worries me is pushing people away when I get into these funks. I never want my mind to get in between me and someone I care about, but I feel like it does. I get all weird and don't give full, straightforward answers. That's because I'm afraid to spill my deepest thoughts. Those thoughts remain trapped inside me and feed the beast that is my mind.
These moods don't come often, but when they do they are vicious.
Here's the thing about my mind though. It can change so fast that in an instant I'm fine and I'm feeling optimistic...like right now. I've literally done a 360 degree turn. I feel good. I stepped back and realized life is a day by day thing. And that while today might not have lived up to the hype, tomorrow is a new day to live to the fullest.
Well I think I've successfully proved I have serious mental problems.
Goodnight
I think my main problem is I get an idea planted in my head, an idea of how something will be, and when reality comes in and my preconceived idea is in shambles I become a wreck.
I try to plan out too much in my life, and I leave little wiggle room for change. I think I can change this I just need to consciously try to do it.
What worries me is pushing people away when I get into these funks. I never want my mind to get in between me and someone I care about, but I feel like it does. I get all weird and don't give full, straightforward answers. That's because I'm afraid to spill my deepest thoughts. Those thoughts remain trapped inside me and feed the beast that is my mind.
These moods don't come often, but when they do they are vicious.
Here's the thing about my mind though. It can change so fast that in an instant I'm fine and I'm feeling optimistic...like right now. I've literally done a 360 degree turn. I feel good. I stepped back and realized life is a day by day thing. And that while today might not have lived up to the hype, tomorrow is a new day to live to the fullest.
Well I think I've successfully proved I have serious mental problems.
Goodnight
The Best Ever
This blog is about someone who has not been the man he used to be as of late.
Tiger Woods in my personal opinion is the best golfer to ever play the sport. He demands attention on the course and is really the only reason I ever watch any golf tournament.
All of the scandal he was involved with and his subsequent poor play was very upsetting. Throughout the scandal I remained an avid Tiger fan and I prayed at every tournament I would get to see him in his Sunday red.
Tiger might not ever come back as the dominant force he was some five years ago, but if he does I'll be cheering him on. Even if he doesn't, I will still cheer him on. People make mistakes and Tiger made his fair share, but what he has done for the sport of golf in undeniable. People don't go to watch Phil Mickelson or Jason Day. They go to see Tiger. There's something to be said about a man like that.
If you get the chance to watch this video, please do. You don't have to like golf at all to appreciate Earl Woods' wise words about his son Tiger. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_X6BWJvGfo&feature=related
Tiger Woods in my personal opinion is the best golfer to ever play the sport. He demands attention on the course and is really the only reason I ever watch any golf tournament.
All of the scandal he was involved with and his subsequent poor play was very upsetting. Throughout the scandal I remained an avid Tiger fan and I prayed at every tournament I would get to see him in his Sunday red.
Tiger might not ever come back as the dominant force he was some five years ago, but if he does I'll be cheering him on. Even if he doesn't, I will still cheer him on. People make mistakes and Tiger made his fair share, but what he has done for the sport of golf in undeniable. People don't go to watch Phil Mickelson or Jason Day. They go to see Tiger. There's something to be said about a man like that.
If you get the chance to watch this video, please do. You don't have to like golf at all to appreciate Earl Woods' wise words about his son Tiger. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_X6BWJvGfo&feature=related
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
I had a great day today. Found out i'm in drivers ed starting next week which means my license is only a little while away, and no I am not embarrassed that I am in drivers ed as a senior. I'm a busy man give me a break.
I also got to ride home from tonight's basketball game, which was a 30 point win (nice job guys), with Evan Story. May or may not have been a good decision but we made it home in one piece. Evan called me ten minutes after he left my house and i was worried sick that he was going to be lost somewhere. Luckily he was at his house safe and sound. I don't know what I would have done if he didn't make it home safe.
I aced a vocab test that I didn't start studying for until 3 periods before. I was also a part of the vocab story test, but I lost the turnip tossing contest to Jared (highly unlikely i know).
We also had an NHS induction ceremony tonight, very official, the whole auditorium was filled. I had to escort the most people, but I didn't mind it one bit. I kind of like being in front of a lot of people. I'm working on becoming more confident this year. And I already feel a bit more confident about little everyday things.
Confidence isn't something that comes naturally to me because I come from a very humble family. No one in my family is cocky and no one likes to brag... except maybe my dad, but most of the stuff he brags about is all lies anyway. One of my fears is coming across as arrogant. I hate arrogant people, and i hate people who are cocky when they are extremely mediocre at something. I'm decent at most things I do, so I don't feel the need to let someone know how I did. I fee like they can see how I did, and judge for themselves.
But maybe a little "silent swagger" wouldn't hurt. That's a great Coach Palkism. It means going in to a situation knowing what you have to offer and knowing that your best is good enough. You never have to say it to anyone, you just show it through actions.
Final thought for the night is this... being told what you are doing is right. There is nothing quite like someone telling you that you're doing the right thing and that you deserve something. the truth is that everyone deserves to be happy, and everyone deserves someone who makes them happy. If you don't agree with that then... well then you're scared of being happy. That's all she wrote.
"When you question what you should do, and you know what you want to do, what you want to do becomes what you should do."
-Tommy Forse
NP: Wild World- Cat Stevens
I also got to ride home from tonight's basketball game, which was a 30 point win (nice job guys), with Evan Story. May or may not have been a good decision but we made it home in one piece. Evan called me ten minutes after he left my house and i was worried sick that he was going to be lost somewhere. Luckily he was at his house safe and sound. I don't know what I would have done if he didn't make it home safe.
I aced a vocab test that I didn't start studying for until 3 periods before. I was also a part of the vocab story test, but I lost the turnip tossing contest to Jared (highly unlikely i know).
We also had an NHS induction ceremony tonight, very official, the whole auditorium was filled. I had to escort the most people, but I didn't mind it one bit. I kind of like being in front of a lot of people. I'm working on becoming more confident this year. And I already feel a bit more confident about little everyday things.
Confidence isn't something that comes naturally to me because I come from a very humble family. No one in my family is cocky and no one likes to brag... except maybe my dad, but most of the stuff he brags about is all lies anyway. One of my fears is coming across as arrogant. I hate arrogant people, and i hate people who are cocky when they are extremely mediocre at something. I'm decent at most things I do, so I don't feel the need to let someone know how I did. I fee like they can see how I did, and judge for themselves.
But maybe a little "silent swagger" wouldn't hurt. That's a great Coach Palkism. It means going in to a situation knowing what you have to offer and knowing that your best is good enough. You never have to say it to anyone, you just show it through actions.
Final thought for the night is this... being told what you are doing is right. There is nothing quite like someone telling you that you're doing the right thing and that you deserve something. the truth is that everyone deserves to be happy, and everyone deserves someone who makes them happy. If you don't agree with that then... well then you're scared of being happy. That's all she wrote.
"When you question what you should do, and you know what you want to do, what you want to do becomes what you should do."
-Tommy Forse
NP: Wild World- Cat Stevens
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
I Need to Stop
Blogging is starting to take over my life... and I'm okay with that.
I just had one more thing to share for tonight, I promise.
My sister just started blogging and she started because of me. I have been told I was the inspiration behind other blogs and that feels amazing, but whenever I can connect with my little sister through writing, man that is something special. I want to know what she has to say on life in general, she's very different than the freshman i was. She's a social butterfly of sorts with friends all over the place.
She could make friends with anybody, and I don't get it.
I'm excited seeing her grow up. She used to be such an annoying little brat, now she's just an annoying teenager.
I think I'm gonna start talking to her more, see how her life is going. After all i am her big brother.
I might start now. Actually i am starting now. I'm headed upstairs to have a heart to heart with my little sister. For the first time ever I am going to walk into her room to ask her how she is doing. It should never have taken this long, but better late than never I guess?
NP: Daughters- John Mayer
I just had one more thing to share for tonight, I promise.
My sister just started blogging and she started because of me. I have been told I was the inspiration behind other blogs and that feels amazing, but whenever I can connect with my little sister through writing, man that is something special. I want to know what she has to say on life in general, she's very different than the freshman i was. She's a social butterfly of sorts with friends all over the place.
She could make friends with anybody, and I don't get it.
I'm excited seeing her grow up. She used to be such an annoying little brat, now she's just an annoying teenager.
I think I'm gonna start talking to her more, see how her life is going. After all i am her big brother.
I might start now. Actually i am starting now. I'm headed upstairs to have a heart to heart with my little sister. For the first time ever I am going to walk into her room to ask her how she is doing. It should never have taken this long, but better late than never I guess?
NP: Daughters- John Mayer
Darn
Work today was horrendous. 25 to 30 people over 5 hours means a ton of me sitting around. I hate not having anything to do. On the bright side I only work one other day this week, but I am tutoring a kid after school on Thursday and Friday. (I know so caring right?)
I'm starting to realize how emotional people can be. I, myself, am an emotional person. My friend, who will remain nameless, is the most emotional guy I have ever met. I love this kid to death though, and even though I get annoyed when he texts me for help I wouldn't have it any other way. I like being the person he turns to for guidance, but sometimes i let my own emotions get in the way and I'll flip on him. Maybe he needs it though.
As for my emotional self, I like to pretend that my emotions don't play a large role in my decision making, but they obviously do. Sometimes I'll act purely on what I feel at a certain time. Usually though I set aside my emotions and I am able to make a decision that is best for the situation at hand.
Recently my emotions have been all over the place. One minute I'm worried about college and the next I'm thinking about what to do after school. the next I'm busy looking at twitter and refreshing it 100 times. From there my mind will wander to what other people are doing. Then I look at my phone for a text even though I know i didn't get one. My mind wanders more miles than I'll ever travel, but that's just the person I am.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am and always will be a thinker.
I feel good now. Blogging and reading blogs always improves my mood.
I've also realized lately that texting becomes so monotonous so fast. I might start limiting myself to a number of texts and if people want to talk to me they can call me. Hearing someone's voice and the inflection they use with their words will always trump reading a message. I am so freaking tired and have so much homework I could be doing. But I think I am going to post this blog and go start on another one.
I'm starting to realize how emotional people can be. I, myself, am an emotional person. My friend, who will remain nameless, is the most emotional guy I have ever met. I love this kid to death though, and even though I get annoyed when he texts me for help I wouldn't have it any other way. I like being the person he turns to for guidance, but sometimes i let my own emotions get in the way and I'll flip on him. Maybe he needs it though.
As for my emotional self, I like to pretend that my emotions don't play a large role in my decision making, but they obviously do. Sometimes I'll act purely on what I feel at a certain time. Usually though I set aside my emotions and I am able to make a decision that is best for the situation at hand.
Recently my emotions have been all over the place. One minute I'm worried about college and the next I'm thinking about what to do after school. the next I'm busy looking at twitter and refreshing it 100 times. From there my mind will wander to what other people are doing. Then I look at my phone for a text even though I know i didn't get one. My mind wanders more miles than I'll ever travel, but that's just the person I am.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I am and always will be a thinker.
I feel good now. Blogging and reading blogs always improves my mood.
I've also realized lately that texting becomes so monotonous so fast. I might start limiting myself to a number of texts and if people want to talk to me they can call me. Hearing someone's voice and the inflection they use with their words will always trump reading a message. I am so freaking tired and have so much homework I could be doing. But I think I am going to post this blog and go start on another one.
2 Hour Delay and a Good Guess
Today we should have had a delay plain ad simple. But we did nt, and i'm okay with it. I got to spend a 40 minute car ride with two of my oldest friends. Jared, Josh, and I got to crack jokes and read people's tweets that were directed at Jared's dad. Jared got in the car and the first thing he said was, "Today is going to be the worst day of my life." I guess he has come to expect the abuse he takes during these winter months. It's funny though because he is such a ood sport about it.
On the ride to school we listened to some old school jams and just joked about the conditions outside of us and even joked about how likely we were to crash in Josh's Avalon. It was a fun time.
After we got to the parking lot I realized that I might have picked the worst day to wear Sperrys. I rolled my jeans up and just let my ankles take a cold beating. We saw Bongiorni in the parking lot and he was up to his usual antics and was throwing snowballs at us. After we made it up the stairs he threw one at us that I smacked out of the air, that snowball would've hit Jared right in the face.
I then used some Kite Runner humor and said, "For you a thousand times over Draino jan."
That was pretty much how my day went so far. As for the second part of the title the "Good Guess" only me and my boy T-Will know about that.
NP: Snow (Hey Oh)- Red Hot Chili Peppers
On the ride to school we listened to some old school jams and just joked about the conditions outside of us and even joked about how likely we were to crash in Josh's Avalon. It was a fun time.
After we got to the parking lot I realized that I might have picked the worst day to wear Sperrys. I rolled my jeans up and just let my ankles take a cold beating. We saw Bongiorni in the parking lot and he was up to his usual antics and was throwing snowballs at us. After we made it up the stairs he threw one at us that I smacked out of the air, that snowball would've hit Jared right in the face.
I then used some Kite Runner humor and said, "For you a thousand times over Draino jan."
That was pretty much how my day went so far. As for the second part of the title the "Good Guess" only me and my boy T-Will know about that.
NP: Snow (Hey Oh)- Red Hot Chili Peppers
Monday, January 2, 2012
Good Start
This new year has started off well. Yesterday I did the polar plunge then just bummed around all day with family. Today I kicked with Ty and Zach, played an indoor soccer game, and then went and supported the hockey team. I kept busy and spent the whole day talking to that special someone who helped me to believe again.
The thing I have to say about the new year is that you won't hear me use the cliche saying "new year, new me" because I'm not changing. I'm the same person I was 2 days ago and I'm going to be the same person 363 days from now. If I felt the need to change I sure as hell wouldn't have waited for a new year.
I like where I'm at in life. I like the friends I have and I really, really like the other inspiration in my life. I've been happier than I had been in a long time and I'm ready to take things slow and see where I end up.
I've already crossed four things off my resolution list, but I added another to it, so I have 3 out of 33 done... Not too bad. The rest are a lot more difficult though, but like always I'm ready to fight for them.
Fighting for things you believe in should come as naturally as breathing, but unfortunately for many people it doesn't. I will always, always fight for someone I love. That's a fight you can always count me in for.
Time for bed though, school tomorrow (which I'm excited for). What can I say? I'm kind of a nerd.
NP: Samson-Regina Spektor
The thing I have to say about the new year is that you won't hear me use the cliche saying "new year, new me" because I'm not changing. I'm the same person I was 2 days ago and I'm going to be the same person 363 days from now. If I felt the need to change I sure as hell wouldn't have waited for a new year.
I like where I'm at in life. I like the friends I have and I really, really like the other inspiration in my life. I've been happier than I had been in a long time and I'm ready to take things slow and see where I end up.
I've already crossed four things off my resolution list, but I added another to it, so I have 3 out of 33 done... Not too bad. The rest are a lot more difficult though, but like always I'm ready to fight for them.
Fighting for things you believe in should come as naturally as breathing, but unfortunately for many people it doesn't. I will always, always fight for someone I love. That's a fight you can always count me in for.
Time for bed though, school tomorrow (which I'm excited for). What can I say? I'm kind of a nerd.
NP: Samson-Regina Spektor
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happy New Year
Well it is 2012. Where do we go from here? Well the only way to move is forward. Looking back on my 2011, it wasn't as bad as everyone else's. Facebook and twitter shows me that so many people are totally unaware of how good their lives are.
People say that 2011 sucked or was the worst year of their life, but to me how can you hate a year of life? We aren't guaranteed anything. Love life. Even your bad days are a day you got to live, a day that a lot of people never got to see.
Sure I have my 2011 regrets (sadly I do have some) but 2011 was an amazing year for me. I made some amazing friends. 6 friends that I love more than anyone else in the world. They mean so much to me. I made a great friend from another country who i hope to see again soon. I lost my grandmother this year. It showed me that I need to show everyone I love how much they mean to me. I have a long list of resolutions for this year... how many of those I complete we will see. I plan on making a run at all of them.
While I talk about all kinds of self realization and knowing what I want and trying to be a great person I've recently realized something. I am just as lost as anybody else. I've changed what I want my major to be twice recently, and probably will another five times. But even though I am lost, I have a plan. That plan, hopefully, will get me to where I am meant to be. Until then I'm going to enjoy every day as much as I can. Try to do the same for me. And lastly, no matter who you are, you are loved.
NP: The Fighter- Gym Class Heroes
People say that 2011 sucked or was the worst year of their life, but to me how can you hate a year of life? We aren't guaranteed anything. Love life. Even your bad days are a day you got to live, a day that a lot of people never got to see.
Sure I have my 2011 regrets (sadly I do have some) but 2011 was an amazing year for me. I made some amazing friends. 6 friends that I love more than anyone else in the world. They mean so much to me. I made a great friend from another country who i hope to see again soon. I lost my grandmother this year. It showed me that I need to show everyone I love how much they mean to me. I have a long list of resolutions for this year... how many of those I complete we will see. I plan on making a run at all of them.
While I talk about all kinds of self realization and knowing what I want and trying to be a great person I've recently realized something. I am just as lost as anybody else. I've changed what I want my major to be twice recently, and probably will another five times. But even though I am lost, I have a plan. That plan, hopefully, will get me to where I am meant to be. Until then I'm going to enjoy every day as much as I can. Try to do the same for me. And lastly, no matter who you are, you are loved.
NP: The Fighter- Gym Class Heroes
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