I went to see The Perks of Being a Wallflower tonight and it made me miss Pittsburgh. Not miss it in the sense of homesickness really. Rather, missing it in a renewed sense of understanding. A sense of understanding that Pittsburgh is and always will be my home. When Charlie, Sam, and Patrick came through the Fort Pitt Tunnel and the city became visible my heart started racing.
It was a thing I'd seen so many times, but for the first time was seeing for what it truly is. It's a place I've come to love. It's a place I've always loved, but a place I took for granted. It's a city where I've fallen in love, where loved ones have passed, and where I became the person I am today.
When they came through the tunnel I know that everyone in the theater felt something similar to what I felt. They felt what they had read. They felt what they thought it would feel like. The felt what they heard it was like and what they saw it was like on a movie screen. But they didn't feel the rush of a million memories housed in the city. They didn't visualize where each turn would take you. They had an idea, but they hadn't lived it like I did. Maybe the only other person in the theater who understood it completely was my Aunt. She's from home. She gets it.
New York is a magnificent city. And if one chooses to they can get lost in its splendor for an eternity. But the city will take what you let it. It can chew you up and spit you out having robbed you of everything. It can turn an average man into a mogul or into a hobo. It's a city where you can make a new name or forget the one you were born with, and believe me, there's a vast difference between the two.
As for me, the city hasn't taken much. Sure the higher cost of living and public transportation has robbed me blind, but other than that I'm the same me I left home as. I'm still confident I'll make something of myself. I still love writing and my friends back home. I still hold to my morals. I still think more than I should.
The only thing the city has taken from me that I really miss is something you'll never notice if your eyes are fixed on the pavement or cars whistling by. I miss the stars. And the city could take a lot more from me if I let it, but I won't.
Perks made me realize two things.
1. I want to be home. Not for reasons like not wanting to grow up or let go of the past, rather because I know it's where I belong.
2. I really want a typewriter. That would be the sickest thing ever.
NP: Anything Could Happen- Ellie Goulding
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