My Own Personal Complex

I think that we all have our own specific "complexes." And what I mean is that every person has some part of themselves they're uncomfortable with. We all have something we worry about as a potential shortcoming. 

The most popular complex in modern day America has to be the skinny girl complex. You know, the idea that a girl feels she needs to look like the waistless models pictured in magazines. There's no denying that people young and old worry about the way they look. If it wasn't true then we wouldn't have nearly as many kids with eating disorders and plastic surgeons would have a heck of a lot less work to do.

For me, body image isn't a worry anymore. I've come to accept this physique I've been given. I don't worry about my height or smile or anything like that. Aside from a few pounds here or there, most parts of my appearance are set in stone. And when I look in the mirror I'm content with what I see. I'm no Narcissus destined to fall in love with my own reflection, but I'm not some bridge-guarding troll either. 

For me, my complex is something much different. I'm deathly afraid of not being interesting enough. I don't look at Leonardo DiCaprio and see greatness in his looks, instead I'm intimidated by his accomplishments. It's his worldliness that frightens me. Granted, actors are a separate breed because of their lifestyles, but the underlying concept is the same. I don't want to bore someone. In this day and age boredom sets in so fast that one day you could be all the rage and the next you're just a sideshow in your own story. And if that isn't scary I don't know what is. 

The truth is this... obsolescence is scary. 

Maybe that's why we seek love, as a reassurance that we are not obsolete. 

And maybe boredom is to blame for making love seemingly so hard to find nowadays. Whether it's loving yourself or loving someone else, you never know when you're going to grow tired of the person you're trying to love. 

It should be easy: love yourself by allowing yourself to grow and mature. Read a new book, learn a new skill, find a funny joke; just do something to keep yourself guessing and keep yourself from stagnating. In my opinion the love of another person should follow. If we prevent ourselves from stagnating then we should be easy to love. Everyone always says you need to love yourself before others will love you. I don't necessarily agree with that, but it isn't a bad principle to follow. 

But it doesn't always seem so easy to love yourself or those around you, does it? 

I guess what we should be searching for in love is someone who challenges us. Someone who day in and day out makes us ask questions about the reality we've become so sure of. I think we need someone whose intelligence scares us, someone whose beauty we gawk at, someone who makes us think. If we find someone who can make us see the world from a different perspective then our life will be significantly better.

It's easy to go through life searching for people who feel the exact same way we do. Instead of doing that maybe we should find someone who tells us that our opinions are crazy. Argue with them, debate against them, compromise with them if you must, and then scare the hell out of them by loving them. You want to find someone who complements you, not someone who could be substituted for you. 

We're all searching for that one person to cling to for eternity; our partner in crime and the one who makes us feel truly alive. So go out and find that person. Do so by speaking confidently, listening intently, and laughing uncontrollably. You'll know when you've found them because they'll be the one listening to your confident words, filling your ears with their own assertive voice, and laughing uncontrollably along with you.

That's all for now. The thought well has run dry. Til next time.

NP: Lost in My Mind- The Head And The Heart