Everybody Talks

So everybody knows. Whether it's because of technology or just word of mouth people find out information fast. You tell one person and suddenly everyone knows. It isn't necessarily a bad thing though. Makes my job a lot easier. The word is out. I am transferring.

I've known for a little while now that I was going to, but I had a surprisingly hard time telling people here. The first person I told was Peter. Then Frances and Julia. Word of mouth got the info to Steve and other kids in the dorm. The last two I told were Kaitlin and Caroline. They were the hardest to tell. I think it's because I've become increasingly close with them thanks to Ground Floor and our business presentation.

I'm already scheduled for next semester at Pitt and it's looking pretty good. All of my credits from Fordham won't transfer right away, but they will after I'm in the College of Business Administration.

I'm still not sure about housing which is discouraging. I don't have a problem commuting from somewhere close, but I'll miss out on the atmosphere of the campus.

I still have three weeks here though so I better not jump the gun. These classes aren't going to finish themselves and my professsors sure as shit aren't going to just hand me good grades. I need to keep my grades up and stay focused so I can transfer into Pitt and have a good standing when I get there.

I won't be able to minor in writing at Pitt like I had hoped to because they don't have English Writing as a minor. I will; however, be able to take writing course in a fiction or nonfiction track and get enough credits in them to show prospective employers what I've done.

I'll admit to you that for a while I hated it here at Fordham. I woke up every morning and felt sick to my stomach. That feeling is gone now. I feel more comfortable. I'm not sure if it's because I know I'm leaving or what, but I'm trying to love it while I'm still here. I think, scratch that, I know I could make it here. I know I have the intelligence and ability to succeed here, but the question I keep asking myself is at what cost? At $200,000 worth of debt? For just undergraduate business? That's more like med school debt. I can't sit here and tell myself that $200,000 isn't a lot of debt. I can bullshit, but I'm not that good at it and I can't bullshit myself. College loans can hang over a person's head forever if they let it. I'm choosing not to let it. I'm a big boy and college is something I'm going to pay for. My mom has done enough for me, it is time for me to put on my big boy pants and show myself what I can do.

I still plan on making something of myself. Don't get that confused.

I'm coming home next semester. Some might say I'm a bit of a changed man. I'm not going to lie to you, I have changed a bit. I think we all have. Over Thanksgiving break I saw all my best friends and even though we all have matured a little and gone our separate ways we still find ourselves coming back together. We laugh at the same jokes and we still love each other to death. Have we changed? In one way or another, yes, we have changed. Not for the worse. We've just changed.

I've made some good friends here at school. Friends that I hope won't forget about me when I'm gone. Friends who I hope will come visit so I can show them that Pittsburgh is nowhere near Philadelphia and nothing like anywhere else they've ever been.

I'm excited for my future.

I know some of you will say I'm giving up here or that I'm coming home for other reasons. Go ahead and think that if you want. I didn't give up and I know my reasons. I made a decision and I'm sticking to it. Maybe someday I'll find myself wandering the halls of Keating again. Be it as a graduate student or as an old man just trying to keep learning. Leaving on December 21st won't be goodbye. I'll be back. I'm sure of that.

NP: Nothing In My Way- Keane