2013?

So in two months it will be the year 2013. That's strange to me because for the longest time I thought that life was going to be fully lived out by 2012. I grew up logging into school computers with the 12 after tforse. I knew I would graduate in 2012 and I sort of didn't think past that point. I never once asked myself where would I be when the ball dropped and 2013 came. I never once asked what I'd have done, who I'd have met, or how things would change. I wasn't even sure 2013 was something worth worrying about.

That's where my first problem lies. I did so much living in the first 2/3 of 2012. Once I got to college I stopped. I ate, slept, and studied but I didn't really live. College hasn't worked out the way I thought it would thus far. I'm making strides to correct this problem. I have an out. I have an out that looks like it could end up being a perfect fit.

Funny how we go on thinking we want something, one day we change our minds and look for something much bigger and in time we realize that what we wanted wasn't all that far away. Call it a lapse in judgment, call it a learning experience, call it a momentary high, whatever you call it it happened. I've lived out this lapse, this experience, this high, and I've realized what I wanted. I've decided what is best for me.

When I got here I said I needed to be here. I said that I'd tough it out. I wasn't right in saying I needed to be here. You don't ever need to be anywhere except the place where you're the happiest. You need to be happy. That's pretty much my end game explanation. Find momentary happiness that will set you up for future happiness.

"You know you got to go through hell before you get to heaven"

I haven't seen hell and i'd be lying if i told you I had even come close. This place isn't hell, I just know it isn't heaven either. 

These past two days I've had extremely good days. And in the week leading up to these days things seem to be going my way. I'm making my own luck and making my own happiness in a lot of ways. If I tell my self that something is going to happen why can't it? There's no natural force out there directly opposing me from accomplishing what I want. There's no Newton's Law of Preventing Good, so if I think positively I'll have more positive days. 

More than anything these past two days I've been grateful. I've been realizing just how good my life is. I have an amazing family. I have a loving mom, dad, and sister. I have a cousin here in New York who has not only been accommodating, but has gone out of his way to help me out and offer a place to hang on weekends. I have a grandpa who made coming to this school possible. I have an Aunt who has been like a second mom. Besides an awesome family I have the best friends in the world. We've grown up and gone our separate ways but somewhere in distance is an ever-present feeling of closeness. I've made some pretty cool friends here, but if you asked me who best friends were and where they were at I'd tell you that a bunch are in Ohio, that a few are in Pittsburgh, and one is in Charlottesville. 

I hate the word "blessed" but right now I'm way too blessed to be stressed.

I have a future, and I have a say in it. What more could I ask for?

NP: Springsteen- Eric Church