boy and girl

It was mostly whispers in the wind, and a few brief encounters followed by time apart. And maybe that distance was making the heart grow fonder, or maybe it was something more than that. Could it be, perhaps, that two people simply found each other at the right time? But then again who's to say when timing is right or when it's wrong? We could have always met someone sooner. But sooner doesn't necessarily imply better, does it? To have met under different circumstances could mean the whole thing tumbling down. It's all well and good to wish for more time, but there's a chance more time would have been your undoing. Maybe last year's her wasn't ready for last year's him. Or maybe he wasn't what she needed at that time. Different people at different points in their lives. It's tough to say with any sort of certainty how two people will mesh when they meet. Still, the heart cannot help but ask its "what ifs?"

She looked him in the eyes & told him of past woes and love gone awry. "I wish I met you before anyone else," she said with a hint of regret and despair in her voice. And he frowned an understanding frown and replied calmly, "What's come and gone can't be undone, and it doesn't matter where you've been so long as you get where you're going. You see it's not about who you go through to get there, it's about who you end up with." He talked confidently and sincerely, his voice never much above a whisper, and she believed every word he spoke. She'd believe anything he told her; not because she needed something to believe in, but because he was worth believing in.

See, when she looked at him she saw the raw emotion. It was sculpted in his face and interwoven in his speech. She also saw a boy (or maybe young man) who truly cared about her and those she cared for, and she knew deep down that he'd do anything for her. He had told her so, but she knew well before that. Just like she knew every morning when she woke up he'd be there, smiling at her like she'd done him some big favor.

He told her it was okay to take him for granted. He always hated when people said the opposite. It was as if love was supposed to be used as a threat. Like, "Don't take me for granted or else..." And to that he posed the question, "Or else what?" Love, to him, was about giving and taking and the possibility of reciprocation. However, he never thought of love as a "one for one" type deal. If he did something for her, be it big or small, he didn't expect immediate compensation or any compensation for that matter. See, two people's love tends to balance out. It has a way of leveling the playing field & making sure both people get what they need when they need it most.

And what she didn't quite get, not yet at least, was that all he wanted and needed was the same reassurance the sun gave the day. You know, the day ends and the sun sets, but there's an unspoken agreement, a universal truth of sorts, that says the sun will be back tomorrow. It never once gives up on the day or forgets about it. In fact, the sun gives the day its meaning, and to him, she brought his life a worthwhile explanation of why he was doing what he was doing.

And anytime that she looked at him chances are that he was already looking at her. He did so every chance he got because to him, her eyes were a mirror that showed him a better version of himself. They showed him a future he could bear. They were understanding eyes that had watched too many forgettable people come and go. And even when her glassy, green, truth telling eyes weren't open she was still something stunning to be seen. (That's why he decided not to deny himself the guilty pleasure of staring from time to time.)

I guess you could say that when he looked at her, next to him, he began to believe, for the first time in his life, that maybe everything does happen for a reason.

I don't know where these thoughts and little stories come from. They're a mish-mash of thoughts from here and actual conversation there. To a certain degree they're all a part of me. The people in them are meant to represent real people, but could be anyone you want them to be. It could be you, it could be me, it could be my mom and dad. The choice is yours really. I guess sometimes I get tired of just giving my opinion of "love" or "dating" or "people" and I throw together these little bits. Hopefully it didn't bore you too much.

Til next time.
(And seriously, if you don't get anything else out of this blog, at least listen to the NP. Incredible song.)

NP: All I Want- Kodaline

family, changing plans, & the past

This blog is made up of 3 parts that don't really go together at all. They're just things I've thought about recently. Maybe some of it will translate well enough to make sense to you all. If not, so be it.

Family

Another Hilton Head family vacation has some and gone, and I can only hope that it isn't the last year I get to go down. I remember throughout middle school and high school I dreaded the thought of Hilton Head without my cousins. I knew that as they grew up they'd take on responsibilities that made them unable to come on vacation. Sadly it seems I've now reached the age where summers are spent working instead of playing. It's a natural progression, I realize, but it still makes me a little sad knowing that I'll potentially be missing out on family time.

See as much as family time can become overwhelming I'll never complain about it. And even though two weeks in Hilton Head can bring out all of our family's insecurities and dysfunction it also manages to bring out the best in us. When we're on vacation there is always at least one meltdown on the schedule. The magnitude of the meltdown and who is going to meltdown is always a roll of the dice, but it's guaranteed that someone will.

Honestly though, everybody's family is dysfunctional. If you think otherwise you're crazy. Some families are better than others at hiding it, but deep down everyone has a certain level of insanity in their family.

I think I cherish every vacation so much because one day Pap and Joyce won't be around to vacation with. I haven't actually come to terms with that yet, but I am aware that it is something that will one day happen. (Not for a while though because they're both in great health.) Pap's the one who makes Hilton Head possible and I can't thank him enough for that. I think one of the best things about Pap is his hardheadedness when it comes to changing. He has his old "dumb phone" as he calls it, and he absolutely refuses to get a new phone. Joyce even told him she would buy him the new iPhone with a year of data last Christmas and he turned it down. He doesn't want a new phone, but he's usually willing to splurge on some new golf clubs if he needs them. (Except his putter.) Pap's funny like that I guess.

If Pap taught me one thing this trip it's that sometimes simplicity is the sweetest. You have to understand that when our family vacations there is a disturbing amount of ice cream consumed. And Pap is right up there in the consumption. He'll take us all to get ice cream & spend 50 or 60 dollars on us only to go home and make himself a sundae with Breyer's Ice Cream. He never buys himself ice cream at the various ice cream shops. He'd rather make his own at home. And I'd be lying if I didn't give him credit for making one heck of a sundae.

(Also, a note from me to you. When you're with your loved ones take as many pictures as you can. Capture these memories on film so that you can decorate your life with the people who can't always be there. A picture truly is worth a thousand words and a picture is also there to remind you of things that are no longer around. If one day you mind slips and you you no longer remember you can glance at a picture and use it as a starting point. If nothing else you can use it to build your own story of what happened.)

Changing Plans

As I grow up I find myself constantly making plans and changing them. It's not something I do on purpose, it's just that with more responsibilities come more cancelled plans. You go from having the weekend off to working 20 hours in an instant. You make plans to see a friend and have to reschedule because something just gets in the way.

We go from planning to see someone in a week to waiting a month. It often seems that the people we yearn for the most are often the hardest to get to.

But just becuase they're hard to get to doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

Every minute/hour/day that goes by we're that much closer to the end of our life. Our time here on earth is hopelessly finite and sadly some people don't realize that. They push things back and back and eventually the thing they kept delaying is no longer there. That's why we need to keep plans. And if we can't keep them we need to do our damnedest to get there as soon as possible.

Don't let a week turn into forever. Get in your car and go see the people you need to see.

Like I said... no transitions... just thoughts.

The Past

Sooo... the past. You know, the thing that's supposed to be behind us? Turns out that it's never really behind us. Or maybe it is and the real fact of the matter is that we can't change what happened or how it shaped us. For instance, I'm a slightly different person today than I was last week. And I'm a much different person today than I was three years ago. Keep in mind that "different" is relative. For the most part I am the same person, but my viewpoints, expectations, and plans for myself are all different now than they once were.

The thing about the past is that we all have one. But what does that mean when we decide to let someone new into our life?

For each person it'll be different, but for me this is what letting someone in means:

It means that you have to accept somebody for who they currently are not who they were. That entails looking beyond their past and taking them and loving them the way they are now.

It also means you have to know yourself and believe that the person you're letting in accepts you as you are. You can't pretend to be someone you aren't because the discord will be apparent and the relationship you had built of hoped to build will crumble.

Letting someone in also involves accepting and letting go of things you can't change about the past, be it your own or theirs. Chances are you won't be taking them on their first date, you won't be giving them their first kiss, and you won't be their first love. And they probably won't be yours either. But what you can do instead, if you do it right, is be their last, best whatever.

Without even realizing it you could be taking some pretty girl on her last, first date. You could kiss her goodbye like no one ever has & leave her craving another day with you. You could prove to be the best love she's ever known & the guy her parents entrust her with forever.

But none of that's possible if you're busy worrying about the people who kissed her first.

As far as I'm concerned the past is lost and the present is a gift.

Meanwhile the future is a combination of lessons from the past and best laid plans based on the present. It's always uncertain, but significantly less so when you've found something worthwhile.

That's all she ~he~ wrote.

NP: Sight of the Sun- Fun.

work work work

This whole growing up thing is tougher than it seems. Two weeks ago I worked 50+ hours between Bahama Breeze and my internship. While the two jobs are very different in nature, they're both taxing in different ways. The internship is mentally taxing and all the numbers I run everyday leave me wondering how people do this for their whole life. On the other hand Bahama Breeze is more physically taxing. It doesn't sound like much, but being on your feet for 8 or 10 hours isn't easy. (Plus the service industry often makes you question how people were raised.)

Believe me, I don't mean to complain about either of my jobs because I realize I'm fortunate enought to have two jobs in an economy where some stuggle to find one.

 I just never knew what to expect from two jobs.

Pap always tells stories about him working two jobs while he was in college. I sort of just brushed it off, thinking it couldn't be that bad, but I was dead wrong. Even if you don't feel tired while you're working the jobs it eventually catches up to you. I feel like a bum because I wake up, go to work, come home from work, and just sit around before going back to sleep and repeating the process.

I can't even imagine doing what Pap did. School, two jobs, and after a certain point he had to have time for Nan. Maybe I can say it's a generational thing. Or maybe Pap is just tougher than me. Or maybe he's tougher than me because of the generation he was born in. I like the way that sounds so I'm gonna go with that.

At the beginning of summer I thought that it was going to be my last summer to take it all in. You know hanging out with friends all the time, still living like a kid, working a few shifts as a waiter. Stuff like that. But that changed when I landed the internship. I'm not upset by it, though. I couldn't be happier with where I'm at and where I'm headed with my life.

The work week drags on, don't get me wrong, but the paychecks keep coming in and I keep getting valuable, relevant experience.

So basically, life is good. It's hectic and tiring, but it's definitely good.

I'm really excited to get back down to Oakland. I can't stress that enough. This is the first summer in a long time (probably forever) where I've been eager to get back to school.

I guess I can attribute that to all the activities I got into and the friends I made at school last year. Between the Pi and baseball and all the other people I know Oakland is more of my home now than Oakdale is. Don't get me wrong home is still home, but it's just different.

In addition to club baseball and the Pi, I've added another activity to my schedule this semester. I'll be working as a manager for the football team. It certainly won't be the most glamorous job I've ever worked, but the job has some perks that I simply can't turn down. At the very least I'm excited to see what a Division 1 football program is all about from the inside.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was worried about everything I have on my plate. It certainly won't be easy and down time will be a luxury, but my excitement far outweighs my concern.

At the very least I know that I have a house full of friends to come home to every night. Isn't that all you can ask for really? A group of people who make the bad days better.

Anyway. I need to get back to work. I'll write again soon because I have a ton on my mind.

NP: Scar Tissue- Red Hot Chili Peppers