A Long Time Coming

30 hours of interviews

14 hours worth of study hours

9 hours of meetings

16 hours of social, service, and scholarship events

1 overnight initiate retreat

Those are all the hours spent working towards becoming a brother of Phi Sigma Pi this semester. I was picked as an initiate right around 8 weeks ago and this past weekend I finally became a brother. 

When I first started eight weeks ago my motives for joining were questionable. I rushed as a last second thing because I figured it was a good resume booster if I were to get in. But now, eight weeks later, joining PSP is about a lot more than some stupid resume. 

It's about a group of sixty individuals who, for the most part, are extremely different and at the same time very much the same. 

It's about making myself a better person. 

It's about the fifteen people who were there with me for all those hours.

Those fifteen people make up my initiate class. A group that has come to mean so much to me. Probably more than they'll ever know. We're all so different and yet we manage to mesh so well. I can't thank them enough for all their help and understanding. They've accepted me for who I am with open arms and they've taught me a lot about myself in the process. We've all shared some great experiences as well as some stories I'm sure I should have kept secret. 

Finally, PSP is about Greg and I. We decided to rush together and honestly we had no idea what we got ourselves into. We had our fair share of ups and downs throughout the process but somehow we made it. We didn't always understand why things were happening they way they were, but we kept moving forward. And now we can look back at the 70+ hours of work and say it was worth it. It all paid off. 

I'm really happy I decided to take on this challenge. I'm even happier with the results it has yielded. I've stumbled across some pretty great people already and can't wait to meet even more. 

I really think some of the people I've met will be people present in my life for years to come. Through college and into the future. At least I hope that's the case. 

I see the Pi as a big family of sorts. Complete with people who are in love, best friends who stick together, and like any good family a certain level of dysfunction.

I guess I'm looking forward to the possibility of love, the certainty of best friends, and the chance to add my own dysfunction to the mix.

NP: Snow- Red Hot Chili Peppers

Own Your Life

Yesterday I saw a man walking out of the Cathedral staring at his phone. He had his phone about an inch away from his face and I thought, "What the hell is this guy doing?" Then my eyes panned over to his other hand. He had a white cane in it.

The guy was beaming looking at his phone. He was smiling at his phone even though he couldn't see it.  He was listening to his phone reading him a text message.

I haven't seen something like that in a long time. What I mean is that I haven't seen anything as genuinely moving as that blind man.

This man couldn't see the message being read to him and he would never even see the person who sent him that message. And somehow he was smiling.

Later in the day yesterday I was sitting in the union and saw something else that brought a smile to my face. There was a group meeting of disabled people in one of the ballrooms. One after another people with down syndrome and people confined to wheelchairs made their way past me. One woman in particular made me think.

This woman, who was wheelchair bound, came wheeling out of the ballroom in her motorized wheelchair. It was obvious that she wasn't just physically but also mentally impaired. As she came past me I heard her wheels stop rolling at the front desk. The young girl sitting at the front desk asked if she could help the woman with anything and the woman simply responded, "No dear. I just wanted to wish you a happy holidays. Hopefully I see you again."

I was in awe. "Hopefully I see you again." The woman sounded so genuine in her hope that she would see the girl again. She didn't know the girl, but she genuinely hoped she would be back.

This woman, who was restricted both physically and mentally, took the time to wish a young girl a happy holidays.

So what's my excuse for not always being upbeat and downright cheery?

A grade on a test? A messed up interview?

There is no excuse.

The blind man and the woman in her wheelchair were owning their lives.

They weren't dealt the best hand but they play it out like they're anyone else.

I was humbled yesterday. And now I feel that I need to own my own life.

There's plenty for me to work on so I better get started.

NP: Quesadilla - Walk The Moon

my life be like

They say that life is a beach, 
so my soul is the sand. 
And the waves are experiences,
like the sun on my hand. 

But this beach isn't permanent, 

It could never be so. 

So some footprints will come, 
and some footprints will go.
With an ever-changing tide, 
you may not ever know. 
But those prints in the sand, 
are only memories now. 
Time and tides gone by,
you'll just wonder how.
How this life got so crazy,
how it went by so fast. 
How those from the present fell into the past.

But those times are behind you,

they're only memories now. 

Memories that built up, 

that even time can't tear down.

So I'll continue on, 
miles down the beach.
Searching for something,
or somebody to reach. 
It's a walk on the beach, 

and a splash in the sea. 

It's a story of you,
and a story of me. 

finale

So today I finished the last episode of Scrubs. There's no denying it is arguably my favorite tv series ever. I hate when you finally get to the end of a television series that you really like. You're so used to having something to look forward to that when it's gone you feel a little empty. Thankfully Scrubs ended just the way I would have wanted. The ending montage was nothing short of perfect. 

I feel like some shows are really able to connect with you. Scrubs was that way with me. Each of the main characters, at one point or another, was my favorite. I was able to connect with what was happening and I saw people from my life in those characters. 

JD and Turk essentially are Jared and Dave. 

My favorite part of the series were all the different thoughts and quotes JD would have. One in particular from this episode got to me...

"I guess it's because we all wanna believe that what we do is very important. That people hang onto our every word. That they care what we think. The truth is you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone, anyone feel a little bit better. After that it's all about the people that you let into your life."

I know I'm one of those people. 

Who wants to believe I'm important. Who wants people to hang onto every word I say. Who wants people to care what I think.

Truth be told very few people will believe I'm important, very few will hang onto anything I say, and even fewer will actually care what I think. But maybe if I find someone who does care I can convince them to stay. Maybe I can let them into my life, and maybe they'll let me into theirs. 

I feel there are around a dozen or so people whose lives I have impacted in a major way. I'm not sure if all twelve or thirteen would know I was talking about them or not, but I can only hope so. 

NP: Snow- Red Hot Chili Peppers

life update

I'm starting to see new things. I see opportunities everywhere I look. I see things around me that I never noticed before. And it isn't because these things are magically appearing. 

It's me that's changing. And by allowing myself to change I am able to see my world change around me. I'm seeing things from a different perspective. 

I see someone as my replacement now instead of my competition. 

I see new endeavors, new prospects, and new challenges. 

I like what I am seeing and I like the new me. I'm getting better at being alone. I'm waking up with less complaints. I'm being more positive. 

It isn't that I'm having a great day everyday, it's that I'm finding something great even on my bad days.

I've really found my niche here at school. Club baseball has really played a huge part in that. When I tried out I was unsure how I'd be received by the other guys on the team if I were to make it. Now that we've had several series of games I see how I fit in. The trip to Cornell was one of my favorite trips with any team. Not only did we sweep Cornell, but I got to bond with all the guys on the team. Driving there and back was long, but the guys in my car made it much more bearable. Aside from the games and the guys, Cornell was absolutely beautiful. Upstate New York is scenic as ever. 

This past weekend we finished up another series sweep and I think I've solidified the nickname "Wildcard." I'm not sure if it comes from my reckless base running at Cornell, my outlandish comments made on a daily basis, or a mixture of both. But whatever it is, I like it. The guys on the team love to bust my balls by calling me "Tommy No Range," but it's all in good fun. Plus that let's me make pokes at them as well. 

All in all, being back to playing baseball is probably the best thing to happen to me this year.

That's not to say that the fraternity hasn't had a big impact on me because it has. If I do manage to get in (which I really hope I do) then I'll have another group of people to hang with. Our initiate class is awesome. The best part about it is how different we all are. Each of us is unique in one way or another. The five guys are all very different and the same goes for the girls. Our uniqueness along with our dysfunction makes everything a hell of a lot of fun. 

Between baseball and Pi stuff I've been slightly overwhelmed the past few weeks, but if it all works out then it will have been worth the time. 

Now that baseball is over for the semester I need to get back in the gym. I wanna put in all the work I can so I can play whatever role I need to. I would love nothing more than to be playing baseball in late May. Our team has a lot of potential. We just need to make sure we want it bad enough. 

That's all for now. Figured I'd catch you all up on what's going on in my life. 

NP: Hey Ya- Obadiah Parker

sounds of silence

You know those few minutes when you're laying in bed before you doze off.
When everything around you is, for the most part, silent? 
But then your ears adjust to the silence and you begin to hear everything. 
Maybe the ticking of a clock on the wall.
Then a group of girls laughing as they pass by outside.
Possibly the ceiling fan as it whirls around above you. 
But then your ears adjust to all those sounds. 
And now you hear the one sound you should be accustomed to. 
Your voice. 
But you hear it in your head because you're thinking. 
Then you think about the fact you can hear yourself think.
And it's rather unsettling.
So you try your hardest to fall asleep, but you keep hearing yourself.
And your thoughts shift from the moment you're in to the moments that make up your life.
You think of him or her.
You think of home.
You think of where your life is headed.
You think of all the "what ifs."
And, if you're lucky, after a few seconds true silence will take over.
And sometimes silence is exactly what you need.

NP: The District Sleeps Alone Tonight- The Postal Servie

#WAHOOWA

I wasn't sure what to expect when I pulled into the parking garage at the Grand Marc in Charlottesville this past Friday night. The drive down had been long & rainy and in the process of leaving Pittsburgh all hell had seemingly broke loose. 

15 minutes before we were set to leave Pitt a friend of a friend needed taken to UPMC Presby because she fainted and smashed her face off a wall. 30 minutes before the unexpected trip to the hospital I got tagged with a parking ticket for $30...for being 10 minutes late to the meter. 

Needless to say I was under the impression that anything that could go wrong this trip probably would. 

So when Jared, Dave, and I pulled ino the parking garage after 5 and a half hours in the car I felt very relieved. Amanda greeted us with a big smile and showed us to her apartment which was absolutely gorgeous. (100 times nicer but twice as expensive as anything you'll find in South O.)

Then she introduced us to her roommate/best friend/twin, Kara.

Amanda had told me all about this girl but meeting her came as a pleasant surprise. Amanda said that Kara and her were practically attached at the hip. She said Kara was a pretty, lively, smart, and fun girl. I'd say that Amanda's description was pretty darn accurate. When we were first introduced to her I was sure that she'd never buy into our stupid sense of humor...but boy was I wrong. By the end of the trip we had her saying stupid shit like "ANIMAL" "You're Unreal" and "No No No". She also found the Harry Potter Wingardium Leviosa video funny. (Needless to say she's a keeper in our book.)

The trip to Virginia ended up being one the best weekends I've had in as long as I can remember. It wasn't because we did anything especially adventurous or crazy. We sort of just sat around and laughed the way we always have. Amanda showed us UVA's campus, which is beautiful, and then we sort of just chilled at her apartment before we went out to dinner.

In a matter of 43 hours in Virginia we managed to eat out at 4 different places and explored a large part of the campus. I know that everyone involved in this trip (especially Amanda) spent a lot of money to make it happen. And as much as I complain about money being tight if there is one thing I don't mind splurging on it's my friends & family. You couldn't put a price on this trip...much the same way Kara refused to put a price on her show horse.

The best trips are the ones where you don't do much but feel as if you've accomplished a lot. For me it was sitting on the balcony at Amanda's with three of my oldest friends just talking about life and where we were all headed.

I think that the best people to keep in your life are the ones you can talk about the past, the present, and the future with. It's good to remember where you're from, necessary to know where you're at, and perfectly acceptable to have no idea where you're going. A good conversation will include a healthy mix of all three.

When I'm with my best friends we always have all three.

When Sunday rolled around I'm not going to lie, I was pretty pissed. The worst part about having such a great weekend is the reality of coming back from it. Luckily we all got to see Aunt Pam before heading back.

The drive back was just as rainy as the drive down, but when we got to the Pennsylvania state line the clouds broke. I guess that was nature's way of telling me where I belonged.

Not gonna lie though, I wouldn't mind spending more time down in Charlottesville.

Be it visiting Amanda and Kara or actually taking classes.

It really was a pretty cool place.

Can't wait to get my UVA hat and fleece vest for Christmas!

NP: Sweet Caroline- Neil Diamond