Scrubs

I've been watching a ton of Scrubs recently and I have to say it's my favorite TV show. My film professor told us that everything we see in movies and TV is scripted, so describing them as "real" or "realistic" isn't all that accurate. Honestly though, screw what he said. Real isn't a concept that needs to be dissected under a microscope. Anything that resonates with you is real to you. To me Scrubs is realistic and the situations presented are so incredibly well written I oftentimes wish I could be inside Sacred Heart making memories with the actors.

The episode I just finished watching ended with JD narrating as Elliot left with Sean. Earlier in the episode she had asked JD to remember that he is supposed to be her friend.

I guess somewhere along the way while JD was falling in love with Elliot he forgot that they had started out simply as friends. Obviously watching the person you love be somewhere else and with someone else is just plain awful, but at the end of the episode JD remembers what he has to do.

"Sometimes, well sometimes you just have to do what's right for your friend. Even if it means sacrificing your own happiness. When it comes down to it, you just have to be proud of the decision you make." 

Before you can love someone you have to befriend them. Which means that your first loyalty to them isn't as a lover but as a friend. Sometimes it's hard to do that.

I guess what you have to do in that sort of situation it be a tiny bit less selfish. You have to put aside your own feelings and emotions and do what your friend needs you to do. Sometimes your friend will need you to talk them down from the ledge, sometimes they'll need you to stand up for them, sometimes they'll need you to just listen, and sometimes they might need you to leave them alone.

And while sometimes it seems unfair and hard to do, if you love them as a friend, or as whatever you claim to love them as, you'll be able to do it.

NP: Gone, Gone, Gone- Phillip Phillips

that time

Have you ever taken the time to recognize when you're most at peace? How about when you're the most shook up? The time you're a little out of it? Or maybe the time you're 100% there?

I think each and every one of us is a little different in this aspect. We each feel certain things at certain parts of the day or when a certain thing happens to us. 

For me I'm the most shook up when I'm alone for too long. Probably something I should work on because independence is a huge part of life. 

I'm the most out of it somewhere in the middle of my day when I'm not quite sure what to do next. 

I'm the most with it immediately when I wake up and I know I have 16 hours to get something done before I sleep again.

I'm most at peace for a few minutes. Those few minutes right before I close my eyes for good for the night. It comes right after the "what ifs" and endless scenarios played out in my mind. When I lay down I think about problems in the world and problems with my golf swing. I think about how hot it is, what I'm going to wear tomorrow, and which way to walk to class. I think about my family and friends. I think about guys and girls. I think about love. And after all that thinking, be it 5 minutes or 5 hours later, I enter a state of pure serenity. It's a time where I know that what's next is sleep. I know that I'll close my eyes and all bets are off. Sleeping is the biggest gamble there is, with the worst outcome being never waking up. I sort of see sleep as a middle man between life and death.

Don't think of death as a bad thing though. It's anything but. It's necessary. And like I said, when you lay down your head every night all bets are off. You could wake up to your world being turned upside down, be it for better or for worse. But you won't know unless you take that chance and go to sleep. 

It's about that time for me. 

Night.

NP: Fix You- Coldplay

Leaving

Why is it that we're afraid to leave? 

Is it because we're afraid we won't make it back? Afraid maybe the place we're going is too different? Or is it because we're afraid of what we might be coming back to? 

I think it's the latter. I think we're oftentimes afraid that while we're gone something will change. We usually assume things will change for the worse due to our absence. Afraid that while we're gone our family will be in need of our help, our loved ones will forget us, or that time will simply pass us by. 

We can't be afraid of leaving though. 

Move away and move at your own pace. Don't be afraid to look back or go back to where you started, but don't ever expect things to be exactly how you left them. In fact, when you leave you should expect things to change.

Truth be told when you leave you'll do some changing of your own. Of course you'll be reluctant to admit it because as I said earlier change usually comes with a negative connotation.

Leave. Change. Return. Accept.

Leave where you're comfortable, change if you must, return back home, and accept the situation for what it is.

NP: Coming Home- Diddy

14th Grade

Very shortly I will be starting my time in the fourteenth grade. A grade better known to some as sophomore year of college. I've heard from many that it's going to be my favorite year of college. Sort of the same way I heard from many that high school would be the best days of my life. Regardless of what the "many" say I'm excited and nervous as hell for this coming year.

I feel like I know one thing for certain about this year. That thing being that anything can and hopefully will happen.

One thing has to happen. I need to keep a high GPA. 

Other than that nothing HAS to happen. 

I don't care how I spend my weekends or what I accomplish on any other collegiate front. 

This year is going to be a steady year. No plans for major ups or downs. No plans for any changes in scenery. I need that to keep myself sane. 

But sometimes even the best laid plans change in the blink of an eye.

While I might not know what is ahead of me I can tell you that I'm excited for what might possibly be there. I'm excited to have my own apartment. Excited for a semester where I go in knowing people. Excited to go and visit my friends at their respective schools. Excited to return to where I started. Excited to spend some nights on the floor, some on the futon, and hopefully the majority in my bed. 

I'm excited for whatever this year has for me. I'm excited for the headaches and laughs. I'm excited for the early mornings and late nights. I'm excited to venture into my sophomore year with three of my best friends by my side.

I've said the majority of my goodbyes already and the only ones really left are my parents.

I don't think that the goodbyes are getting any easier, but I think they're becoming less worrisome. What I mean is that when I said goodbye this time I didn't worry about what will come. Maybe it's because I've learned that college is unpredictable or because I've learned that the distance between my friends and I means very little when my friends mean so much.

Or maybe it's because there are some things that'll never change. Like how my friends and I are when we're together. Two nights ago we all got together one last time and it reminded me that some things can stay the same forever. We all might change in one way or another, but there is something in our dynamic that refuses to change.

I think it's the fact that when push comes to shove every one of us would do anything to protect anyone else in the group. We have a bond that I can't quite explain. I guess it's just a bunch of kids who got close toward the end of high school that refuse to forget about each other.

NP: This Road With You- Big Little Lions

health: a gift

For the longest time I didn't understand why people went to school to become doctors. (Not that I was actually unaware of what a doctor did, or that I don't see the need for doctors. I simply never saw anything in it for me.)

To me, going to school to become a doctor seemed to be too long, too hard, and too uninteresting. (Sounds like a typical business student answer I'm sure.)

Recently I've began to see what they do it for. (Aside from the six-figure salary of course.)

I didn't notice it until my mom asked me for some core workouts for her to do. See my mom has been walking a lot more and now wants to strengthen her core. Simply convincing my mom to go on a walk with me gave me a sense of satisfaction that I was helping her.

I assume that's what doctors are in it for. For that feeling in your gut that you're improving someone else's wellbeing.

Obviously a lot of doctors do more than improve someone's fitness. Hell, emergency room doctors actually bring people back to life and prevent them from dying.

Looking at various medical miracles makes what I'm doing look quite simple. If I choose to do investment banking I'll be aiming to improve people's bank accounts not their health. Which begs the question what good is money without health?

I guess my plan is this. Make money and give it away. Live not only for myself but live in a way that others may live because of me. My goal is to let others reap the benefits of my existence. Give back to the world in a way that keeps someone alive or makes their living easier.

Gandhi said, "Live simply so that others simply may live," and I guess I'm sort of aiming for something like that.

NP: Let It Go- The Neighborhood

cheers for 50,000 or 50,000 cheers?

It has been 671 days since I posted my first blog. This will be my 423rd blog. In those 671 days there have been 50,012 visits to my blog. That is an average of 74.5 reads per day and 118.25 reads per post. (These are approximations.) My blog has been visited from people in over 15 different countries. The most accessed post has 464 reads.

Basically what I'm trying to get across is that this thing, this blog, has become more than I ever imagined. There were times it consumed my life. There were times it faded to the back of my mind. It has never left me though. Whether I posted two blogs a day or two blogs a month there has always been someone who accessed my site. Never once in the 671 days that I blogged have I had 0 reads.

This blog isn't to celebrate me getting to 50,000 reads, it's to thank you all for giving me an audience. No great author would be great if people didn't give them a chance. You've all taken a chance on me. Some of you have followed me for close to two years now while some of you have just found out about the blog recently. No matter how many blogs you've read I want to thank you.

I want to thank you for keeping me going, for giving me topics to blog about, for lashing out at me when you thought I was wrong, for comforting me when you thought I was hurt, and more than anything I want to thank you for allowing me into your life.

Whether you read the blog to mock me or stalk me, help me or hurt me, see me triumph or see me fall you have allowed a little part of me in.

In the end maybe 50,000 isn't just a number. Each view this blog gets is unique because every person who reads it is different. Different dynamics mixed with the different moods you are in when you read the blog. One of 50,000 is a loving mother, one is a lost friend, one is an enemy, and one might be a complete stranger. But each and every one counts.

Thank you all, all 50,000 of you, who gave me a reason to write, a reason to read, and a reason to live.

NP: One Year, Six Months- Yellowcard

the night

What you should do tonight is this: Close the door to your room and shut off your lights. Open up all your windows. Lay your head down on your pillow, close your eyes, and listen. Don't think. Just listen. You're not listening for anything in particular, just listening in general. You might hear the whine of a car in the distance, or the sound of crickets chirping, or maybe, if you're lucky enough you'll hear just what you've been waiting to hear. You'll hear nothing. For a brief second you will be completely empty and void of your senses. With your body relaxed into your bed, your eyes closed, and your ears empty you should feel at peace. And when you feel you're in the moment open up your eyes and realize you aren't alone. You and millions of other kids just like you are trying to make sense of this crazy world. Strip yourself of all those senses that cause you so much worry during the day and let the night consume you. Let the night heal you. Goodnight everybody.