Pap called me today. We talked for awhile about school and classes and my grades. He told me I need o be patient and positive. He also said something that I've heard from a lot of different people over the years. He goes, "You sell yourself short, you can do more than you think."
I really don't think I do. I'm very aware of what I can do. It's like the quote from Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh, "Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” I'm fairly certain that's the truest thing I've ever heard. I would die to hear that from someone.
Smarter than I think? I'm smart. I'm no brainiac but I have my strong suits.
Braver than I believe? Agreed.
Stronger than I seem? Again, agreed.
There's the confidence you're all looking for. It's here, believe me it's here. I won't forget what I have to offer. I just don't ever feel the need to showcase myself. I'll let others speak on my behalf and when it's my turn to talk I will. Talk about myself? That's not me, that's for the birds and bees.
I know I'm brave, strong, and smart. And I know that I don't need to tell you guys that. If you don't know that then let's be honest, you don't know me.
You might not ever know me, rather you'll know about me, but it doesn't hurt to try.
NP: Daylight- Maroon 5
Monday, October 29, 2012
extremes
Is going from one extreme to another a good thing or a bad thing? That's the question that was posed and here's the answer I'll give. It depends.
In many cases moving from one extreme to another can be the best thing for you. For instance if you leave an abusive relationship and find someone who truly cares for you. That's jumping from the lowest point to one of the highest. A necessary change of extreme proportions. In that case going from one extreme to another is good.
Likewise if you move in the opposite direction it is not good. Not just not good, very bad actually.
Another example would be this: control of your emotions. I love emotional people, don't get me wrong, but there is something to be said about stability and consistency. Not to say that someone can't be consistently volatile, but being consistently level headed is a good thing to be. I can't tell you not to go from one extreme to another in emotions because we all know that there are certain things that will set a person off. We all have that fuse, be it long or short, we have it, it just has to be found. So in the case of emotional extremes it depends. If you have reason for your emotions to sway then by all means let them sway, but if you're one of those people changing their emotions solely to keep people guessing, that isn't cool. Emotional extremes, undetermined.
Another thought passed through my head...love. I believe that you love an individual, not a certain type, and while there may be certain things you look for, each person has a different affect on you. What that means is this: you can love extremely different people for extremely different reasons. I love my friend Ty because he's unpredictable as hell, I love Dave because he's usually pretty level headed, I love Schweins because he's never serious, and I love Jared because he's somewhere in between the three. I love my mom for different reasons than I love Jenny. I've had two girlfriends my whole life and I don't think I loved them for nearly the same reasons. You can fall in love with the bad boy or bad girl and then go for the scholarly nerd if you want. You could be enticed by the humblest of people and at the same time drawn to the arrogant ones too. Love is funny because you'll never love two people the exact same way. Love in the extremes is fine, so long as you're being loved and loving the right way. Never love because you feel you should, never fake love, and if you choose to love do it with everything you have.
I guess the final, major extreme I can think of comes in our decision making. Some people always take a risk, some people never do, and even more probably fall somewhere in between the two. You can make an extremely rash decision one day and then methodically plan out a decision the next. You can choose to live life on the edge on Monday, but choose to lay low for the other six days if you want. I'm not recommending people make stupid decisions, I'm just saying that people make extremely different choices all the time. People make decisions based on love, on lust, on morals, or on gut feeling. Sometimes those decisions will contradict one another and that's totally understandable. Different emotions will bring about different actions. We have conflicting emotions so sometimes we will have conflicting actions. Living life in the extremes can be a great thing if you do it right. If all the risks you take pay off and all the decisions not to risk it don't haunt you then living in the extremes will benefit you greatly. Unfortunately we don't know ahead of time which risks are the good and which are the bad. I encourage a life in the extremes, so long as you are always conscious of the possibilities, be them good or bad.
I think jumping from one extreme to another can be good or maybe even great, but at the same time it can be bad or horrendous. Each situation is different and each person will feel differently about it. Maybe the only way to know if it's good or not is to try it out and see. Maybe jump from one extreme to another and see where you stand. If you don't like it see if you have any ways back. If not...well then you're shit out of luck. Every decision we make will teach us something if we let it.
Live, misstep, and learn. Love, falter, and grow.
Only through missteps and faltering will we ever become.
Become what you might ask?
That's for your missteps to decide.
NP: Everything Has Changed- Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran
Saturday, October 27, 2012
white lies
Is it okay to tell a lie? What about if it is to protect the person you're lying to or to protect someone else?
Every time I enter the city I'm asked by beggars and the homeless if I have any change or a few dollars to spare. Truth be told most times I do, but I always say that I don't. I can't give them money if I don't know for certain that it'll be put to good use. If they take that money and use it to feed an addiction then I'm enabling them and I might as well be the one stabbing the needle into their arm.
A priest once told my mom that certain secrets need to be kept in order to preserve something great. I'm not sure I agree with that. Lying to save yourself isn't right, but lying to save someone else might just be reason enough.
A lot of people will tell you that they don't lie. That's a lie. They lie. They're just better at lying to themselves.
NP: No Lie- 2 Chainz (sorry, it was fitting)
Every time I enter the city I'm asked by beggars and the homeless if I have any change or a few dollars to spare. Truth be told most times I do, but I always say that I don't. I can't give them money if I don't know for certain that it'll be put to good use. If they take that money and use it to feed an addiction then I'm enabling them and I might as well be the one stabbing the needle into their arm.
A priest once told my mom that certain secrets need to be kept in order to preserve something great. I'm not sure I agree with that. Lying to save yourself isn't right, but lying to save someone else might just be reason enough.
A lot of people will tell you that they don't lie. That's a lie. They lie. They're just better at lying to themselves.
NP: No Lie- 2 Chainz (sorry, it was fitting)
Thursday, October 25, 2012
i feel so close to you right now
I've said on here that it doesn't matter how you get to a place so long as you get there. Although that's a very brilliant remark and I am in no way questioning my overall genius sometimes I step back and think about how certain things came to be.
Like the interaction you have with one person and how that interaction transforms and grows and moves along.
How you go from point A to point B. Point A being acquaintances and point B being whatever you so choose it to be. Is it that? Is it a choice? Is it a conscious choice that we make? Or is it something else?
When we meet someone do we know immediately what we want from them and what we will do to get it? I'm sure it takes time. But it seems some things happen without a rhyme or reason.
Maybe rhyme and reason are overrated though. Maybe making sense is old fashioned and the new age is not understanding why things happen and just going with it.
I have a problem just going along with it though. I seek a reason behind every coincidence and I'm not one who plays around with chance. I'm not a betting man but if I were...well I'll never be a betting man so never mind . The only thing I'll ever bet on is myself and the things I directly control.
I hate the "it'll all work out the way it's supposed to" and "whatever is meant to be will be" sayings. I'm ignorant in that sense.
Why doesn't anyone say "it'll all work out if you do everything in your power to achieve exactly what you want" or "whatever is meant to be is directly controlled by your actions and what you invest".... maybe it's too hard to say.
Because to me that's what it is. It's about what you put in. It's about taking chance and happenstance out of the equation and just doing it.
To me it isn't about taking a trip to New York if it's meant to be, rather it's about getting your ass there and testing the waters.
It's a risk and it's you who has to decide if the risk is worth taking.
I risked it. And now I lay and wait.
NP: Take Care- Drake
Like the interaction you have with one person and how that interaction transforms and grows and moves along.
How you go from point A to point B. Point A being acquaintances and point B being whatever you so choose it to be. Is it that? Is it a choice? Is it a conscious choice that we make? Or is it something else?
When we meet someone do we know immediately what we want from them and what we will do to get it? I'm sure it takes time. But it seems some things happen without a rhyme or reason.
Maybe rhyme and reason are overrated though. Maybe making sense is old fashioned and the new age is not understanding why things happen and just going with it.
I have a problem just going along with it though. I seek a reason behind every coincidence and I'm not one who plays around with chance. I'm not a betting man but if I were...well I'll never be a betting man so never mind . The only thing I'll ever bet on is myself and the things I directly control.
I hate the "it'll all work out the way it's supposed to" and "whatever is meant to be will be" sayings. I'm ignorant in that sense.
Why doesn't anyone say "it'll all work out if you do everything in your power to achieve exactly what you want" or "whatever is meant to be is directly controlled by your actions and what you invest".... maybe it's too hard to say.
Because to me that's what it is. It's about what you put in. It's about taking chance and happenstance out of the equation and just doing it.
To me it isn't about taking a trip to New York if it's meant to be, rather it's about getting your ass there and testing the waters.
It's a risk and it's you who has to decide if the risk is worth taking.
I risked it. And now I lay and wait.
NP: Take Care- Drake
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
old fool
The Megabus is becoming like my second home. Long bus rides don't phase me anymore. That's evident when a 3 hour bus ride to Aunt Reenie's is a short trip. The bus isn't really as bad as I make it out to be.
Sure it's usually uncomfortable as all hell and occasionally you get stuck with some prick, but for the most part it isn't all bad. Sometimes you even get stuck next to someone cool. Someone who makes you think.
People who can make you think are only bested by the ones who can make you dream.
Dreamers are the coolest people. They're the ones with so many thoughts running through their heads they need to use the time sleeping to live out what they couldn't with their eyes open. I don't dream as much as I used to, but when I do it's usually about people. The events surrounding them is always blurry but the people are cemented in my mind.
I think that's because I'm a people person. Not in the sense of being really outgoing and friendly, but rather in the sense of I like being with people. To me it isn't about the time or the place it's about the people you're with. I wouldn't want to spend a year vacationing in the Bahamas alone as much as I'd want to spend three hours trapped on a bus with someone close to me.
I guess calling it trapped isn't right though. I would gladly choose to be there.
I'd like to be there right now actually.
All the space in the world by myself would never be as comfortable as a crammed space with someone close to me.
Ride with me and you'd understand.
It'll be lonely if you let it be that way, but it doesn't have to be.
Sometimes I almost wish certain times could stop and play over again. I almost do.
But if I stopped time and reran the things that already occurred there would be no such thing as the future. And that'd be a damn shame. Our future isn't certain, anything but, but our future is bright. Bright in the sense of possibilities.
Possibilities are intoxicating. Potentiality is intoxicating. People, places, and things are intoxicating.
Love is by far the most intoxicating thing.
Love is also by far the most confusing thing.
It leaves you sitting in your chair looking out at the city. Wondering. About who? About what?
About the form of it all. Not the individual, but about how each individual plays into the grand scheme of things. How each individual action has deeper repercussions than we can see or understand.
Every action we take complicates life. But a life without complications wouldn't be much of a life at all.
A life without a little mystery and puzzlement wouldn't be much of a story.
I want my life to be a story.
I want some puzzlement and questioning, some adventure and some reasoning, some love and learning. I want it all and then some.
I want to see what all is out there.
I bet you'd be up for that wouldn't you?
NP: Grand Theft Autumn- Fall Out Boy
Sure it's usually uncomfortable as all hell and occasionally you get stuck with some prick, but for the most part it isn't all bad. Sometimes you even get stuck next to someone cool. Someone who makes you think.
People who can make you think are only bested by the ones who can make you dream.
Dreamers are the coolest people. They're the ones with so many thoughts running through their heads they need to use the time sleeping to live out what they couldn't with their eyes open. I don't dream as much as I used to, but when I do it's usually about people. The events surrounding them is always blurry but the people are cemented in my mind.
I think that's because I'm a people person. Not in the sense of being really outgoing and friendly, but rather in the sense of I like being with people. To me it isn't about the time or the place it's about the people you're with. I wouldn't want to spend a year vacationing in the Bahamas alone as much as I'd want to spend three hours trapped on a bus with someone close to me.
I guess calling it trapped isn't right though. I would gladly choose to be there.
I'd like to be there right now actually.
All the space in the world by myself would never be as comfortable as a crammed space with someone close to me.
Ride with me and you'd understand.
It'll be lonely if you let it be that way, but it doesn't have to be.
Sometimes I almost wish certain times could stop and play over again. I almost do.
But if I stopped time and reran the things that already occurred there would be no such thing as the future. And that'd be a damn shame. Our future isn't certain, anything but, but our future is bright. Bright in the sense of possibilities.
Possibilities are intoxicating. Potentiality is intoxicating. People, places, and things are intoxicating.
Love is by far the most intoxicating thing.
Love is also by far the most confusing thing.
It leaves you sitting in your chair looking out at the city. Wondering. About who? About what?
About the form of it all. Not the individual, but about how each individual plays into the grand scheme of things. How each individual action has deeper repercussions than we can see or understand.
Every action we take complicates life. But a life without complications wouldn't be much of a life at all.
A life without a little mystery and puzzlement wouldn't be much of a story.
I want my life to be a story.
I want some puzzlement and questioning, some adventure and some reasoning, some love and learning. I want it all and then some.
I want to see what all is out there.
I bet you'd be up for that wouldn't you?
NP: Grand Theft Autumn- Fall Out Boy
positive
Still feeling pretty good. Finally got an A on a midterm the other day. Not just an A either, a 98%. That's the one shining mark among my seemingly mediocre grades. Maybe my grades aren't mediocre, I just expect more, and maybe better grades will follow. I've been putting in more time in the classes I feel I need to.
Aside from classes life is pretty good. My Ground Floor group and I have been getting together regularly and we always seem to have a pretty good time. For five very different people we get along really well. Speaking of Ground Floor I'm pretty sure I should have an A in there and not a B+...gonna have to talk to my professor.
Anyway, things in New York are swell. Getting the most out of the time I have here. Time is more precious than any of us realize. Even when we think we know, we have no idea. It's impossible for us to understand the concept of time and the finitude of our time. We have a set amount of time on this planet and I can't tell you what dictates that time. Be it a belief that God has it predetermined or whatever you believe your time here is limited. Your time is limited not just in years living, but in time in a place.
You're limited to life in this city. Limited to life with certain people. Limited to life with certain characteristics and traits. Not to say you can't live in the same city forever, live with your family, and maintain the same traits. All I'm saying is that time passes, people leave, you won't look the way you do forever, and that viewpoint of yours on the world might just change too.
We have the time to do whatever we want. Some people say that they have no time. That's wrong though. The time spent dwelling on how little time you have is time you could spend doing what you want to do. "No time like the present" and all that jazz. Time isn't holding you back, you're holding you back. Sure some people have busier schedules than other. So?
Make time, take time, find time.
Sleep less.
Live more.
Love.
NP: Nothing Lasts Forever- Maroon 5
Aside from classes life is pretty good. My Ground Floor group and I have been getting together regularly and we always seem to have a pretty good time. For five very different people we get along really well. Speaking of Ground Floor I'm pretty sure I should have an A in there and not a B+...gonna have to talk to my professor.
Anyway, things in New York are swell. Getting the most out of the time I have here. Time is more precious than any of us realize. Even when we think we know, we have no idea. It's impossible for us to understand the concept of time and the finitude of our time. We have a set amount of time on this planet and I can't tell you what dictates that time. Be it a belief that God has it predetermined or whatever you believe your time here is limited. Your time is limited not just in years living, but in time in a place.
You're limited to life in this city. Limited to life with certain people. Limited to life with certain characteristics and traits. Not to say you can't live in the same city forever, live with your family, and maintain the same traits. All I'm saying is that time passes, people leave, you won't look the way you do forever, and that viewpoint of yours on the world might just change too.
We have the time to do whatever we want. Some people say that they have no time. That's wrong though. The time spent dwelling on how little time you have is time you could spend doing what you want to do. "No time like the present" and all that jazz. Time isn't holding you back, you're holding you back. Sure some people have busier schedules than other. So?
Make time, take time, find time.
Sleep less.
Live more.
Love.
NP: Nothing Lasts Forever- Maroon 5
Monday, October 22, 2012
fake it til you make it
Fake it til you make it refers to happiness. Somebody close to me recommended it because recently I haven't been the cheeriest person in the world.
I should've already been trying that. The other day I said something I thought was remarkably philosophical.
Negativity is the base of all evil and while positivity isn't the base of all good it does set you up for the good.
Sometimes I find myself being overwhelmingly pessimistic and negative...but for what? Is it ever really that bad? Probably not.
So why not be positive?
Because it's harder?
Sure, oftentimes it is harder, but it feels so much better. Today was a positive day. I think it stemmed from a positive weekend that culminated early this morning. There's a lot going on in my life. A lot of uncertainty, a lot of surprises every day, a lot of unexpected love and fun.
Positivity sets you up for the good, but the good won't just come to you. You'll see it in time. Be it a person, an opportunity, big, or small, you will see it.
It might just be a chance to help somebody out. A chance to tell someone you love them on a whim. Maybe it'll be something more daring and secretive. Maybe it'll be something with an everlasting impact on your future, maybe it'll be something from your past, or maybe it'll be both. Maybe your past, present, and future aren't as different as they might appear.
It seems from time to time that happiness is hiding. That isn't the case though. Happiness is never gone away. It might be disguised in something you're unfamiliar with, but it is always there.
Small victories everyday. That's what it takes.
Be happy or fake it.
Everyone looks better with a smile. That's the truth.
NP: She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5
I should've already been trying that. The other day I said something I thought was remarkably philosophical.
Negativity is the base of all evil and while positivity isn't the base of all good it does set you up for the good.
Sometimes I find myself being overwhelmingly pessimistic and negative...but for what? Is it ever really that bad? Probably not.
So why not be positive?
Because it's harder?
Sure, oftentimes it is harder, but it feels so much better. Today was a positive day. I think it stemmed from a positive weekend that culminated early this morning. There's a lot going on in my life. A lot of uncertainty, a lot of surprises every day, a lot of unexpected love and fun.
Positivity sets you up for the good, but the good won't just come to you. You'll see it in time. Be it a person, an opportunity, big, or small, you will see it.
It might just be a chance to help somebody out. A chance to tell someone you love them on a whim. Maybe it'll be something more daring and secretive. Maybe it'll be something with an everlasting impact on your future, maybe it'll be something from your past, or maybe it'll be both. Maybe your past, present, and future aren't as different as they might appear.
It seems from time to time that happiness is hiding. That isn't the case though. Happiness is never gone away. It might be disguised in something you're unfamiliar with, but it is always there.
Small victories everyday. That's what it takes.
Be happy or fake it.
Everyone looks better with a smile. That's the truth.
NP: She Will Be Loved- Maroon 5
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