timing

More or less, it's all about timing. Our schedules revolve around what time we have to be here or there. We try to be right on time for everything we do, but it's tough to do.

It's even more difficult for the timing to be right when there is no schedule involved. When we don't have someone telling us what time to be ready we more than likely won't be.

The truest problem arises when being late isn't our only worry, but being early is too. There are certain times in life where being early is just as bad as being late. Some things aren't ready for us when we are ready for them. We want something, but the timing just isn't right. We're too early. We try to wait, but it is hard to wait for something that seems like it's never coming around.

Then, sometimes, it does come back around. That doesn't always guarantee that you'll still be waiting though. You can go from being early to being late in the blink of an eye.

There isn't always going to be someone telling you what time is the right time.

In fact, most major things in your life will probably happen by chance. Now in no way am I saying you don't need to be punctual. Being on time for things is essential, especially if you hope of retaining any career. Rather, what I'm saying, is that a lot of timing, well it just happens.

Good timing or bad timing.

Being at the wrong place at the wrong time or being at the right place at the right time.

Sometimes it's about the luck of the draw.

I'm usually someone who ascribes to the idea that we make our own luck, but in certain cases things just fall into place.

Sometimes things fall into place and sometimes they fall apart.

Time is a strange thing and having the right time is a rare accomplishment.

It's not easy to be on time.

Put yourself in the position to be on time and hopefully the time will be right.

I hope the timing is right when you most need it to be.

NP: Daylight- Maroon 5

settled in

I can truly say I feel settled in at college right now. I miss certain aspects of home, but life here is good. I have my group of friends that I hang out with and I still keep in touch with everyone back home. It's a good mix. It's nice to be hanging with kids here and be texting my best friends back home.

I wake up most days and feel a rush of homesickness. That feeling quickly fades once my day gets moving and I don't feel it the rest of the day. I keep myself busy with classwork and lifting.

I can't wait until the end of the month when I Megabus home and head out to Akron to see Ashley. I'll also get to stop at home and see my family for a little while which is much needed. I didn't think I would but I miss my sister, mom, and Dad. I'll also get to see Ethan out at Akron which will be really nice.

I'm also expecting some visitors up here in NYC. I don't know when that'll be, but I'm excited to show everyone around my favorite city. The other day I spent in the city with John was great. It was relaxing, just walking around and spending some time with my closest cousin. I plan on doing that a lot. (Hopefully that's okay with him.) I'd enjoy spending my weekends on his futon as much as I would in my own bed.

I'm realizing more and more that it isn't about where in the world you are, it's about who in the world you're with. 

Sure, New York is the greatest city on earth, but if I hadn't made friends I wouldn't want to be here. The sights can only ease a person's mind for so long. Truly good company is what makes a place worth living in.

I'd love to live in Manhattan when I get older. Doing what? I'm not sure. It doesn't matter to me where I live though. As long as I have my family with me and I know where my friends are I'll be set. I said that home is where the heart is and that still holds true. The heart can move around though and so can your home.

I really enjoy and identify with the saying, "Home is wherever I am with you." 

I could be anywhere in the world and as long as I had that one person there with me I'd be at home.

I'll be home soon.

NP: Count On Me- Bruno Mars

mend it now or let it hurt forever

Bruises will fade in time. Broken bones will mend too. Some wounds have to be taken care of right away though. Wounds to the heart especially. You can't put those off for another day. You need to address them and correct them as soon as you can.

I have a bruised hand, and I can ignore that. I know that I can let it fix itself.

I have blistered feet. Those will go away in time as well.

You can't let your heart stray though. When you feel that happening you need to rope it back in and figure it out.

I talk about this shit like I know something you guys don't. I'm no better than the rest of you. And anytime I think that, I'm just being a self righteous prick.

I don't feel well today.

Today is a homesick day.

NP: Mr. Brightside- The Killers

subway ride

Today I spent my day with John in the city. We went out to Brooklyn and it was my first time there. A rather enjoyable experience I might add.

On our subway ride back to Manhattan we had a nice little moment together.

John and I were standing on the subway and sitting down a ways across from us was a little baby strapped into a carrier. His mom was typing up an email of some sort and the baby was staring at us. John and I immediately started making faces at the baby. Cracking huge grins, sticking our tongues out, hell it got to the point we were playing peek a boo with a baby that was fifteen feet away from us. We were moving all around on a crowded subway, and you know what? We didn't care.

We didn't care what people though of us. We were doing anything to get a smile on that boy's face.

We had him smiling for a solid ten minutes straight before we were forced to leave our newest friend behind.

That little kid represented innocence. A pure form of innocence. Innocence for John and I as well as for the baby.

That baby had no idea who we were. He had not an inkling as to what our backgrounds were, what our intentions might have been, or where we were from. He didn't have any preconceived notions as to who is good or who is bad. No prejudices towards anyone around him. Nothing like that. He just wanted to smile. 

As for John and I we just wanted to make that little boy happy. Even if it was only for a ten minute subway ride. I don't know what type of home life that boy will have. I don't know if he has a father. I knew nothing about him, but I wanted him to be happy. 

On a subway full of people with their heads down, one little boy had his head held high.

It was pretty symbolic actually.

Shows you how the world can tear you down if you let it.

You have too many smiles in you to do anything else but smile.

The world will give you a reason to put your head down, so it's up to you to have reasons to do the opposite

Find those reasons.

NP: Somewhere Only We Know- Keane

first weekend is here

I've had my first three days of class. Nothing too fancy in any of them. I already did a math assignment and read some Plato. I'm feeling super cultured and worldly now. I can't tell which classes will be my hardest, but I think I'll be able to handle the workload no matter what it is. Fridays and Tuesdays I only have one class for fifty minutes. Those are the days I need to get a majority of my work done.

I'll describe college thus far for all of you.

Monday through Friday my day starts at 7:30 AM. I have my alarm set the night before, but I don't really need it. The Metro North wakes me up every morning anyway. After waking up I go and brush my teeth and then, depending what day of the week it is, I decide if I have time for breakfast or not. Today I just grabbed a coffee from the caf and headed to philosophy.

Despite what the Princeton Review says, the food here isn't that bad. I eat a lot of soup. I also drink a ton of orange guava passionfruit juice, apple juice, and chocolate soy milk. I refuse to drink anything that isn't juice, milk, coffee, or water. Soda is the devil. So is college pizza.

When I'm not eating, sleeping, or sitting in class I'm probably hanging out with my new friends or lifting.

When I say my new friends I'm referring to the two kids I've met from Connecticut, Steve and Peter. Steve and Peter went to high school together and I met Steve in my orientation group...the only good thing that's come out of that damn orientation.

Steve, Peter, and I go to eat dinner together most nights and we hang out during the day too. We went to the football game last night which was cool. That was the first football game I've watched from the stands in over three years.

I'm making this place my home.

It's feeling a lot better.

I love how close the city is.

I love this campus.

NP: No Faith In Brooklyn- Hoodie Allen

my first days

So it's been a few days since I blogged for you all and it's because I've just been trying to catch my breath. Sunday was move in day which went fine. My only real comment on that would have to be my goodbyes.

I realized how much I'm going to miss my sister. She gave me such a cool gift and it showed me how much I mean to her.

I realized that I am a product of my father. During our goodbyes my Dad pulled me in really quick for a hug and then walked away. I could see him lift his glasses up and I thought maybe he was crying. He wasn't crying though, he was sobbing. He looked just like I do when I cry. His face got all red, he was somewhat hyperventilating, and he was having a tough time talking. I'm a product of him you see, and he's going to miss all the games. Football, soccer, and baseball alike. Those are where we connected. I know he'll be okay, he's overcome much greater obstacles in his life.

I realized my mom is a great women. (I already knew that, but it became even more obvious.) She didn't shed a tear (something she apologized for the next day) but I know she's missing me.

I've talked to my mom every day since I got up here and I plan on continuing to do so.

Orientation these past two days was horrible. We were constantly moving around and had to do all sorts of stupid icebreakers.

I felt homesick and still do, but I think everybody gets that way at least for a while.

Now that classes have started I'm hoping I get into the swing of things and begin to feel more at home. If I don't, well if I don't I'm not sure what options I really have. I have a great opportunity at hand, I'm in one of the top 50 business schools in the country. I also have internships galore only a train ride away.

I don't know if I want to be here right now, but I'm pretty sure I need to be here. 

I had my first class today...philosophy. Not too bad. The professor seems nice enough and the class doesn't appear as though it'll be too hard. Only time will tell I guess.

I miss my mom, my Dad, my sister, my bed, my house, my friends, my best friends. I miss feeling at home, feeling comfortable, feeling safe.

I miss a lot, but if I leave, I'll miss even more. 

29 Days

NP: High For This- Ellie Goulding

scared

I'm a little bit scared. A little bit scared of a lot of different things.

Tomorrow is the day of reckoning.

Okay, maybe it's just my freshman move in day, but it's a serious day for me.

My fears include failing out, not fitting in, becoming overwhelmingly homesick, and a general fear of getting hurt in the city.

I have another fear that I won't mention specifically.

It's scary thinking you could take another person's life, isn't it?

We have the resources, but do we actually have the capability?

Some people have that instinct. Some people have something about them that allows them to take a person's life.

I don't think I would know if I could or not until the situation to do so presented itself. I think in some instances I could. For family or a person I love, I'd do anything. In self defense, I'd do anything.

If a person came  at me with the intentions of harming me or taking my life all reason flies out the window. Staying alive comes first.

It's crazy thinking about stuff like that.

My mind is all over the place right now.

Another fear some people have is of loving. There are some people afraid of falling in love. For me it isn't a fear of falling in love, it's a fear of falling out.

Having fears doesn't make you weak, though.

You're far stronger if you acknowledge your fears than if you deny them. 

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." -Marianne Williamson

She's right you know. It's not inadequacy I fear, instead I fear the power I have to not feel inadequate. A fear of not using the power bestowed upon me.

NP: Over My Dead Body- Drake