I failed to blog last night because I was forced to stay at work until 11:30. I wouldn't complain about that usually, except last night wasn't that busy and I felt like death. I came home and had some toast but it wouldn't settle my stomach so I tried a warm shower... I almost drowned because I fell asleep with the plug in. By the time I got to bed it was around 1 am. I woke up less than 2 hours later to find my mouth salivating. The worst thing about throwing up is you know it's going to happen, but there's nothing you can do to stop it.
In a way throwing up is a lot like life. We get a gut feeling and we act on it. We sense ourselves in trouble so we run for safety.
Throwing up for me usually leads to me feeling 100 times better. So I guess throwing up can also be compared to removing something from your life. When something holds us down for so long and we finally expel it from our life we feel free, we feel healthier.
This post is just kind of strange. But if I didn't post it, I'd be robbing you all of a chance to see what goes through my mind.
I'm a pretty weird kid, but I prefer unique.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
High School Sports Night
I had a good good day today. School was quick and easy and baseball got cancelled so I got to go watch all my friends events. I also got in a good lift with t will.
First was the swim meet. I got to watch my boy goga tear up. Ashley and Amanda did great too, which is expected. Graz was a sellout and left me hanging. Just playing Graz. But seriously the meet was fun. I like swimming because it's such a team thing, but it comes down to your best vs someone else's best. That's a cool concept to me. (I also promised a blog shout out to a girl on the swim team who I do not know. So here's to you swim girl who was standing by Amanda and Ashley.)
From the meet I went and watched the girls basketball game for a little while. Let's just say that didn't last long...just kidding I left because I was going to the hockey game.
Morgan and Anna picked me up and took me. Which was very nice of them. Anna bought me a sundae from McDonalds which was very nice of her. Thanks Anna and Morgan again. I doubt either of you will read this but seriously thank you guys. The game was good, a little sloppy but we pulled out a win.
I floated around most of the night talking to anyone who would listen, and listening to anyone who would talk.
After the game I waited for Chris with Morgan and Anna and I got to see Viv for the first time in what feels like years. I love Viv. She's a truly good person. A genuinely caring lady. And a hell of a seamstress.
If Morg and Anna weren't my ride home I probably would've been in the first fight of my life. I saw, for the first time, a person I have no respect for. A scummy scummy kid who I would have been glad to punch in the face a couple times. Luckily Morg kept me from doing anything because I would have really made a scene, especially in front of Dr. D and all the parents like Viv.
I guess it wasn't the time or place. And maybe the time and place will never come and he will go free, not paying for what he did. But maybe the best revenge is forgiveness? Maybe..(I think a punch in the mouth would serve him better, but what do I know.)
The very sight of him made me so so angry. At one point both my hands were curled into fists and I was shaking from pure adrenaline. I felt out of control, but a part of me said he wasn't worth it. That he wasn't worth my time. It also helped that I had two girls telling me not to do it.
The car ride home was relaxing. I talked to Morg and Anna about life and how I've been. It was cool that they just asked me to vent, so I did. I feel better now, thanks once again guys.
That was my night in a nutshell, but my life recently has been satisfying. I've been very content. I've also been very out there. I'm saying and doing what I want and letting people decide if they want me in their life or not.
I was recently told that this blog has brought at least two people to tears. One of those people was a grown woman. I guess I must be doing something right.
While blogging is a huge part of my life now I'd still love to talk to people face to face. If you read this blog, and you like what I have to say. Don't hesitate to talk to me in person. I'll talk to you, whoever you are. About life, love, happiness, or anything you want. I'm not claiming to be a master of any of those things, but I obviously have a stance on them and i'd love to hear yours as well.
Back to the topic of this blog making someone cry. If you cry reading the blog, then you truly get it. You understand that this is me, spilled out for the world to read. You understand that this blog is about more than what I did for the day and is about more than my life lessons.
This blog is me growing as a person.
This blog keeps me sane.
If this blog keeps you sane too, please keep reading. I promise to never leave you hanging.
Well my mother has just texted me and said, "its bed time blog boy" so I guess it's bed time. Mother knows best. Always remember that.
NP: Desire- Ryan Adams
First was the swim meet. I got to watch my boy goga tear up. Ashley and Amanda did great too, which is expected. Graz was a sellout and left me hanging. Just playing Graz. But seriously the meet was fun. I like swimming because it's such a team thing, but it comes down to your best vs someone else's best. That's a cool concept to me. (I also promised a blog shout out to a girl on the swim team who I do not know. So here's to you swim girl who was standing by Amanda and Ashley.)
From the meet I went and watched the girls basketball game for a little while. Let's just say that didn't last long...just kidding I left because I was going to the hockey game.
Morgan and Anna picked me up and took me. Which was very nice of them. Anna bought me a sundae from McDonalds which was very nice of her. Thanks Anna and Morgan again. I doubt either of you will read this but seriously thank you guys. The game was good, a little sloppy but we pulled out a win.
I floated around most of the night talking to anyone who would listen, and listening to anyone who would talk.
After the game I waited for Chris with Morgan and Anna and I got to see Viv for the first time in what feels like years. I love Viv. She's a truly good person. A genuinely caring lady. And a hell of a seamstress.
If Morg and Anna weren't my ride home I probably would've been in the first fight of my life. I saw, for the first time, a person I have no respect for. A scummy scummy kid who I would have been glad to punch in the face a couple times. Luckily Morg kept me from doing anything because I would have really made a scene, especially in front of Dr. D and all the parents like Viv.
I guess it wasn't the time or place. And maybe the time and place will never come and he will go free, not paying for what he did. But maybe the best revenge is forgiveness? Maybe..(I think a punch in the mouth would serve him better, but what do I know.)
The very sight of him made me so so angry. At one point both my hands were curled into fists and I was shaking from pure adrenaline. I felt out of control, but a part of me said he wasn't worth it. That he wasn't worth my time. It also helped that I had two girls telling me not to do it.
The car ride home was relaxing. I talked to Morg and Anna about life and how I've been. It was cool that they just asked me to vent, so I did. I feel better now, thanks once again guys.
That was my night in a nutshell, but my life recently has been satisfying. I've been very content. I've also been very out there. I'm saying and doing what I want and letting people decide if they want me in their life or not.
I was recently told that this blog has brought at least two people to tears. One of those people was a grown woman. I guess I must be doing something right.
While blogging is a huge part of my life now I'd still love to talk to people face to face. If you read this blog, and you like what I have to say. Don't hesitate to talk to me in person. I'll talk to you, whoever you are. About life, love, happiness, or anything you want. I'm not claiming to be a master of any of those things, but I obviously have a stance on them and i'd love to hear yours as well.
Back to the topic of this blog making someone cry. If you cry reading the blog, then you truly get it. You understand that this is me, spilled out for the world to read. You understand that this blog is about more than what I did for the day and is about more than my life lessons.
This blog is me growing as a person.
This blog keeps me sane.
If this blog keeps you sane too, please keep reading. I promise to never leave you hanging.
Well my mother has just texted me and said, "its bed time blog boy" so I guess it's bed time. Mother knows best. Always remember that.
NP: Desire- Ryan Adams
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
A Date With Robert Brown
Yeah this probably sounds like some kind of mystery novel, but it is far from that. It was my first day of driving with Driver Brown and it was a good date. We drove around for about 35 minutes and he talked and i said "Yeah" about 150 times.
After driving with him I got to sit through his class for another two hours which was just enthralling. (Sarcasm to the maximum.) I'm in class with all underclassmen and some kid who already has his license. If I was that kid I would want to kill my mom for signing me up for drivers ed. Driver Brown means well, but the class is just too laid back to be taken very seriously. But I am learning, so I can't say anything bad about it.
After drivers ed I went to baseball, and yes if you're wondering my mother drove me. It felt good to put my glove on and take some ground balls and to swing a bat again.
Baseball is probably in a tie with soccer as my favorite sport. To those who don't play baseball it comes across as the most boring thing in the world. I'll admit, I hate watching Pirate games on tv. But there is something about playing that keeps me going.
I guess it's probably the group mentality, which in baseball is less present than football and soccer. However, our team is much more of a group than it used to be.
In the past we haven't had leaders, well we had leaders who tried leading with words, but they never seemed to follow up with actions to match. Whether it was poor grades, or just having a terrible year hitting, I never felt like we had a leader on our team. I hope to change that this year.
I've started on the team since my sophomore year and I feel like it's my team to take over. I realize I might not have the highest batting average at the end of the year, but I think I can get something out of the other guys on the team. Evoke something from them and maybe, just maybe put together a winning season and make a run at WPIALs.
If any other guys on the team read this, please don't be offended. I want people to lead with me, but I just feel it's my time to step up. I guess we will see come May what changes I've made and if it's had an impact. Like they say, "Talk is cheap."
(P.S. Anyone reading this should definitely come out to as many baseball games as they can. It's a good chance to work on your tan if nothing else.)
NP: Mrs. Robinson- Simon and Garfunkel
After driving with him I got to sit through his class for another two hours which was just enthralling. (Sarcasm to the maximum.) I'm in class with all underclassmen and some kid who already has his license. If I was that kid I would want to kill my mom for signing me up for drivers ed. Driver Brown means well, but the class is just too laid back to be taken very seriously. But I am learning, so I can't say anything bad about it.
After drivers ed I went to baseball, and yes if you're wondering my mother drove me. It felt good to put my glove on and take some ground balls and to swing a bat again.
Baseball is probably in a tie with soccer as my favorite sport. To those who don't play baseball it comes across as the most boring thing in the world. I'll admit, I hate watching Pirate games on tv. But there is something about playing that keeps me going.
I guess it's probably the group mentality, which in baseball is less present than football and soccer. However, our team is much more of a group than it used to be.
In the past we haven't had leaders, well we had leaders who tried leading with words, but they never seemed to follow up with actions to match. Whether it was poor grades, or just having a terrible year hitting, I never felt like we had a leader on our team. I hope to change that this year.
I've started on the team since my sophomore year and I feel like it's my team to take over. I realize I might not have the highest batting average at the end of the year, but I think I can get something out of the other guys on the team. Evoke something from them and maybe, just maybe put together a winning season and make a run at WPIALs.
If any other guys on the team read this, please don't be offended. I want people to lead with me, but I just feel it's my time to step up. I guess we will see come May what changes I've made and if it's had an impact. Like they say, "Talk is cheap."
(P.S. Anyone reading this should definitely come out to as many baseball games as they can. It's a good chance to work on your tan if nothing else.)
NP: Mrs. Robinson- Simon and Garfunkel
Monday, January 9, 2012
Should Be Reading 1000 Splendid Suns
But I'm not. I'm blogging. And, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn"
Today's discussion, whatever I feel.
Today in Creative writing Mr. Denk, who I am progressively coming to love more and more, told me his observations of me. He said I came up in conversation and that the one thing he could not do was pinpoint me. He couldn't place me in any clique. He said that was pretty neat and I can't help but agree. The other thing he said that struck me was that I am unique and individualistic. Individualistic is defined as a person who shows great independence or individuality in thought or action. I guess that is me. I like that definition and I like that I am perceived as an independent person.
I don't want anyone else to define me; be it my father, a girlfriend, my sister, or anyone else for that matter. I want to be remembered for what I alone have done. Like everyone else knows, people will judge you, we as humans judge others, it's just our nature. When I am judged however, I hope people have some good things to say. (To be honest they can say anything they want I don't care either way, but optimistic Tom says that hopefully it's positive.)
Another thing on my mind is waiting. I can wait. To put it simply I will wait. As long as I have to. When something worth while comes into your life you have no option but to wait. Obviously, at some point patience will run thin. But I believe I can wait as long as I need to.
While patience is a virtue and being able to wait for something is great, you have to be willing to act. Sitting back and wishing for something to change will get you no where. I like when people say, "Look it's 11:11 make a wish." because to me a wish is just that. We can wish for anything, but what we truly want we have to be willing to work for. I wrote a poem a while ago about wishing so what the heck, I might as well share it.
Make a Wish
11:11 the time to wish,
but a wish is just that.
A wish carries no real power,
actions make wishes possible.
Act: is what I need to do.
Wish: is what I've done.
Enough is enough and what's done is done,
now I need to decide.
Wish?
Or act?
Thanks for reading guys, and I encourage you to look at the clock tonight at 11:11 and not wish, but instead act on what you were wishing for. Maybe something will come of it.
"It's not that we don't care, we just know that the fight ain't fair."
NP: Waiting On the World to Change- John Mayer
Today's discussion, whatever I feel.
Today in Creative writing Mr. Denk, who I am progressively coming to love more and more, told me his observations of me. He said I came up in conversation and that the one thing he could not do was pinpoint me. He couldn't place me in any clique. He said that was pretty neat and I can't help but agree. The other thing he said that struck me was that I am unique and individualistic. Individualistic is defined as a person who shows great independence or individuality in thought or action. I guess that is me. I like that definition and I like that I am perceived as an independent person.
I don't want anyone else to define me; be it my father, a girlfriend, my sister, or anyone else for that matter. I want to be remembered for what I alone have done. Like everyone else knows, people will judge you, we as humans judge others, it's just our nature. When I am judged however, I hope people have some good things to say. (To be honest they can say anything they want I don't care either way, but optimistic Tom says that hopefully it's positive.)
Another thing on my mind is waiting. I can wait. To put it simply I will wait. As long as I have to. When something worth while comes into your life you have no option but to wait. Obviously, at some point patience will run thin. But I believe I can wait as long as I need to.
While patience is a virtue and being able to wait for something is great, you have to be willing to act. Sitting back and wishing for something to change will get you no where. I like when people say, "Look it's 11:11 make a wish." because to me a wish is just that. We can wish for anything, but what we truly want we have to be willing to work for. I wrote a poem a while ago about wishing so what the heck, I might as well share it.
Make a Wish
11:11 the time to wish,
but a wish is just that.
A wish carries no real power,
actions make wishes possible.
Act: is what I need to do.
Wish: is what I've done.
Enough is enough and what's done is done,
now I need to decide.
Wish?
Or act?
Thanks for reading guys, and I encourage you to look at the clock tonight at 11:11 and not wish, but instead act on what you were wishing for. Maybe something will come of it.
"It's not that we don't care, we just know that the fight ain't fair."
NP: Waiting On the World to Change- John Mayer
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Take It Slow
It is Sunday, and I feel good. I went with Trev to the hs and we long tossed and ran two and a half miles. We did a lot of talking. About drinking, chewing, smoking, and women. I liked hearing trev's view on everything, especially since he isn't in my immediate group of friends where I know everyone's opinions on those topics. It was cool to catch up with Trev and to start getting ready for baseball this year. (which I am expecting a lot out of this year)
Last night I went ice skating down at ppg with my best friends. I want to apologize to them for the horrible mood I was in for most of the night. That's not me. But you guys know that.
The thing was that for some reason I let myself feel lonely even though I was surrounded by 6 of my best friends. That's inexcusable. I'm sorry again guys for my bad mood and for making any of you mad.
But yesterday was exactly that. You won't see me looking back at it worrying. What's done is done and today is a new day, a great day. Hopefully I'll get to watch the steeler game with my friends today and I know that I'll be in a better mood.
As for the title of this post. It refers to two songs I listened to this morning. Take it slow by both the summer set and forever the sickest kids. Two very good songs. And taking it slow is exactly what I'm going to do. To whomever it may concern. Whether its friends, family, or my enemies. I'm taking it slow and enjoying it while it lasts. No rash decisions or acting on a whim.
Cool, calm, collected.
Have a good sunday everyone. Tell your family you love them.
NP: Wonderwall- Oasis and Ryan Adams
Last night I went ice skating down at ppg with my best friends. I want to apologize to them for the horrible mood I was in for most of the night. That's not me. But you guys know that.
The thing was that for some reason I let myself feel lonely even though I was surrounded by 6 of my best friends. That's inexcusable. I'm sorry again guys for my bad mood and for making any of you mad.
But yesterday was exactly that. You won't see me looking back at it worrying. What's done is done and today is a new day, a great day. Hopefully I'll get to watch the steeler game with my friends today and I know that I'll be in a better mood.
As for the title of this post. It refers to two songs I listened to this morning. Take it slow by both the summer set and forever the sickest kids. Two very good songs. And taking it slow is exactly what I'm going to do. To whomever it may concern. Whether its friends, family, or my enemies. I'm taking it slow and enjoying it while it lasts. No rash decisions or acting on a whim.
Cool, calm, collected.
Have a good sunday everyone. Tell your family you love them.
NP: Wonderwall- Oasis and Ryan Adams
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Saturday
So it is, as the title reads, Saturday. A little before noon, and a little before I have to go get ready for work. I had a good Friday with Ty, Schweins, and Draino. We just hung out in my room most of the night saying stupid stuff and just laughing at each other. We went to McDonald's and I paid for everyone's sundaes, very expensive I know. Those guys along with Dave are truly the greatest guys I know. I am sure that a year from now and five years from now we are all going to still be the best of friends. We know the ins and outs of each others' lives and we can have fun doing anything together.
The thought of not seeing them almost everyday next year is kinda scary. Dave's going to Pitt, Ty's going to Xavier, Jared's probably going to Pitt with Dave, and Schweins is trying to go to Pitt also. I feel like me and Graz we be the ones traveling the farthest away. My eyes are still set on New York. If not New York then maybe Philadelphia, Virginia, or maybe I'll tag along with Graz out to Cinci.
With my Xavier application just turned in I have applied to 13 schools. There are another 3 or 4 i want to apply to, including Syracuse, Rutgers, and George Mason. I'm gonna make a list for all my Blogger friends so you guys can see where I'm ranking these colleges.
1. Fordham (Still have to get in)
the list gets kinda confusing there.
2. St. John's, Drexel (In at both)
4. William and Mary (Waiting to hear back)
5. Pitt (In)
6. Davidson, Xavier (Waiting on both)
8. Marquette (waiting)
9. Duquesne(In)
10. Ohio University(In)
Not even considering: RMU, Washington and Jefferson, Allegheny, Wheaton
I have some serious narrowing down to do. I want to get away, not because I dislike what I have here, but because I feel there is so much for me to do elsewhere.... I also need to decide if I'm going to try and play a sport or not. I'm considering walking on somewhere but I really don't know.
I hope in the end I make the right choice.
NP: Changes- Tupac
The thought of not seeing them almost everyday next year is kinda scary. Dave's going to Pitt, Ty's going to Xavier, Jared's probably going to Pitt with Dave, and Schweins is trying to go to Pitt also. I feel like me and Graz we be the ones traveling the farthest away. My eyes are still set on New York. If not New York then maybe Philadelphia, Virginia, or maybe I'll tag along with Graz out to Cinci.
With my Xavier application just turned in I have applied to 13 schools. There are another 3 or 4 i want to apply to, including Syracuse, Rutgers, and George Mason. I'm gonna make a list for all my Blogger friends so you guys can see where I'm ranking these colleges.
1. Fordham (Still have to get in)
the list gets kinda confusing there.
2. St. John's, Drexel (In at both)
4. William and Mary (Waiting to hear back)
5. Pitt (In)
6. Davidson, Xavier (Waiting on both)
8. Marquette (waiting)
9. Duquesne(In)
10. Ohio University(In)
Not even considering: RMU, Washington and Jefferson, Allegheny, Wheaton
I have some serious narrowing down to do. I want to get away, not because I dislike what I have here, but because I feel there is so much for me to do elsewhere.... I also need to decide if I'm going to try and play a sport or not. I'm considering walking on somewhere but I really don't know.
I hope in the end I make the right choice.
NP: Changes- Tupac
Thursday, January 5, 2012
the longest race i'll ever run
The longest race I will ever run is a race that doesn't involve my feet or legs, instead it involves my mind. I think too much for my own good.
I think my main problem is I get an idea planted in my head, an idea of how something will be, and when reality comes in and my preconceived idea is in shambles I become a wreck.
I try to plan out too much in my life, and I leave little wiggle room for change. I think I can change this I just need to consciously try to do it.
What worries me is pushing people away when I get into these funks. I never want my mind to get in between me and someone I care about, but I feel like it does. I get all weird and don't give full, straightforward answers. That's because I'm afraid to spill my deepest thoughts. Those thoughts remain trapped inside me and feed the beast that is my mind.
These moods don't come often, but when they do they are vicious.
Here's the thing about my mind though. It can change so fast that in an instant I'm fine and I'm feeling optimistic...like right now. I've literally done a 360 degree turn. I feel good. I stepped back and realized life is a day by day thing. And that while today might not have lived up to the hype, tomorrow is a new day to live to the fullest.
Well I think I've successfully proved I have serious mental problems.
Goodnight
I think my main problem is I get an idea planted in my head, an idea of how something will be, and when reality comes in and my preconceived idea is in shambles I become a wreck.
I try to plan out too much in my life, and I leave little wiggle room for change. I think I can change this I just need to consciously try to do it.
What worries me is pushing people away when I get into these funks. I never want my mind to get in between me and someone I care about, but I feel like it does. I get all weird and don't give full, straightforward answers. That's because I'm afraid to spill my deepest thoughts. Those thoughts remain trapped inside me and feed the beast that is my mind.
These moods don't come often, but when they do they are vicious.
Here's the thing about my mind though. It can change so fast that in an instant I'm fine and I'm feeling optimistic...like right now. I've literally done a 360 degree turn. I feel good. I stepped back and realized life is a day by day thing. And that while today might not have lived up to the hype, tomorrow is a new day to live to the fullest.
Well I think I've successfully proved I have serious mental problems.
Goodnight
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)