So recently I read Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven and saw the movie adaptation of John Green's The Fault In Our Stars. Even though I had already read John Green's novel there was something more real about the movie. I think the movie not only did the book justice, but also made the whole thing more visible, more in your face.
The Five People You Meet In Heaven was one of the best books I've read in recent memory. I like the way Albom goes about explaining heaven. Usually when we think of heaven we think of this beautiful place in the sky that is the same for everybody. I always thought that my heaven was interchangeable with everyone else's. Mitch Albom's book changed the way I thought of heaven. Maybe heaven is a place where God resides. But who's to say that my heaven can't be my own personal construct of it? Heaven doesn't have to be somewhere up in the clouds. Maybe instead it's your favorite place on earth, only you never have to leave it. The book also, obviously, talked about five people you meet in heaven before you get to "your heaven." I won't ruin it for you because I insist you read it, but I can't help but wonder who my five would be.
Anyway, the reason I mentioned both books was because they both dealt with death and both shared a similar viewpoint of it. Both books agreed that funerals aren't for the dead, they're for the living. In TFIOS Augustus has his own little funeral for himself because he says he wanted to be at his funeral. See that's not something I'd ever want.
Funerals are definitely for the living. They're a chance for people to say one more goodbye. But I wouldn't want to be at my own funeral for a myriad of reasons.
First and foremost, funerals are filled with a bunch of different people, all of whom are varying levels of "sad." You have the people closest to you who will be absolutely destroyed by your death. Those people use your funeral as a major part of the grieving process. I have no interest in seeing them at such a vulnerable moment. Then you have people who aren't as close. Those people go through the motions of a funeral. They get dressed up, say their many versions of "Im sorry for your loss," and might even throw a prayer your way. But they aren't using the funeral as a part of the grieving process, not in the same way as those closest to you at least. Instead, they're using it as a chance to make up for lost time. They get one more chance to see you even though they couldn't find the time when you were living. The last group of people were people who really didn't know you at all. Maybe they're kids of your friends or distant relatives, dragged to the funeral home by someone close to them who was close to you. To them, you're just another body in a box, and really is that so wrong? Death is life's great equalizer. It's something we all, inevitably, will do, and we can't expect everyone to mourn our loss the same.
Another reason I wouldn't want to be at my own funeral is because of all showmanship that goes into it. Everyone gets all gussied up to come say goodbye to somebody who isn't there to see them anyway. Why do we make funerals more uncomfortable than they have to be? All the awkward silence and photo boards are enough to make a person roll over in their grave...or right there in the funeral home. I'd rather my friends stop by in shorts and a t shirt and bullshit with me like I was still there. Maybe prop me up in the corner and have a good laugh when I topple over. That probably sounds morbid to most people, but if somebody is going to cry for me I'd rather them cry because they're noticing my absence in conversation than because they see my in some box.
The last reason why I wouldn't want to be at my own funeral is because I don't care to hear what people have to say about me. I've always been sort of uncomfortable with people talking about me. Whether good or bad I really don't care to hear it. I like to think there would be some kick ass eulogies filled with funny stories, but I wouldn't want to hear it. Honestly, I wouldn't need to hear it because I would've already lived it. Those eulogies are for the people who weren't there, not for those who were. I think it'd be cool to have a Q&A at your funeral instead. Ask people questions about the dead and see how they respond. The uncertainty and inaccuracy of some answers might make people uncomfortable though. (God forbid we make people more uncomfortable than they have to be.)
So that's my spiel on funerals. Hopefully this blog wasn't taken as too dark because it wasn't meant to be. Those were just some thoughts I had on the matter.
I guess all this talk of death helps me realize how lucky I am to be alive.
I'm lucky to be alive and to have all these opportunities ahead of me. And I'm even luckier that I'm surrounded by incredible people who are going to make the journey even more worthwhile. I guess the only thing sweeter than success is having people to share it with you.
My life is headed wherever I want it to go, and that's a damn cool feeling.
I'll leave you with a favorite poem of mine...sadly I cannot claim it as my own. That credit goes to William Ernest Henley...
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,I thank whatever gods may beFor my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstanceI have not winced nor cried aloud.Under the bludgeonings of chanceMy head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tearsLooms but the Horror of the shade,And yet the menace of the yearsFinds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,How charged with punishments the scroll.I am the master of my fate:I am the captain of my soul.
NP: Murder in the City- The Avett Brothers
I guess all this talk of death helps me realize how lucky I am to be alive.
I'm lucky to be alive and to have all these opportunities ahead of me. And I'm even luckier that I'm surrounded by incredible people who are going to make the journey even more worthwhile. I guess the only thing sweeter than success is having people to share it with you.
My life is headed wherever I want it to go, and that's a damn cool feeling.
I'll leave you with a favorite poem of mine...sadly I cannot claim it as my own. That credit goes to William Ernest Henley...
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,I thank whatever gods may beFor my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstanceI have not winced nor cried aloud.Under the bludgeonings of chanceMy head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tearsLooms but the Horror of the shade,And yet the menace of the yearsFinds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,How charged with punishments the scroll.I am the master of my fate:I am the captain of my soul.
NP: Murder in the City- The Avett Brothers
